A Fic About Nothing
by the7joker7
Summary: Follow the random exploits of TK, Kari, Davis and Ken, along with the rest of the digidestined and assorted other new characters, as they go through life, accomplishing alot, and yet, accomplishing nothing.
1. The Beggars

**A Fic About Nothing**

Summary: Follow the random exploits of TK, Kari, Davis and Ken, along with the rest of the digidestined and assorted other new characters, as they go through life, accomplishing alot, and yet, accomplishing nothing.

Welcome to my experimental digimon fanfiction. I say experimental because...well, it's essentially a sitcom. As implausible as it may sound, I'm going to try my hand at a written sitcom. Traditionally, in sitcoms, much of the humor and appeal comes from the performance of the actors. As such, using a written medium for such an endeavor seems, perhaps, a little crazy. However, I've recently had the inspiration to try, and as such, here I am!

So I ask you all give my little...experiment a try and lemme know what you think.

Now, sitcoms are supposed to be humorous. So this is a humor fic. Nothing more. My fic title speaks volumes. Nothing will ever happen in this fic. By that, I mean, no great evil will engulf the digital world and force the digidestined into action, no great adventure to save the world will occur, and almost nothing actually digimon-related will come to pass. It is, in fact, a fic about nothing.

When I say nothing, I actually mean very minute and miniscule somethings will occur in every chapter to our cast, and the ways in which they deal with them, roll with them, fight them, or otherwise interact with them will supply the 'plot' and humor of this story. I'm not leading up to some greater storyline involving good versus evil or love or anything like that. You've been warned. This is a light comedy, nothing more.

As you may be able to tell from the title of my fic, my favorite television show of all time and main inspiration for this fic is the ever popular sitcom _Seinfeld._ There will be several parallels between this fic and _Seinfeld,_ among them:

1: There are four main characters, with several dozen other characters making various amounts of apperances throughout the fic.

2: Like _Seinfeld_ often boasted it was 'A Show About Nothing', I advertise this fic as 'A Fic About Nothing'. As such, the plotpoints of the chapters will appear to be Seinfeld-ish in nature.

3: It could be argued that TK's character resembles Jerry Seinfeld's character, and the TK-Kari relationship is somewhat of a carbon copy of the Jerry-Elaine relationship.

4: As said above, I'm not going trying to work up to an eventual ending where there's some great evil to be fought. The characters will not develop positively into superior human beings. There will be no moments of tear-jerking emotion. Just humor. In a way, I'm subscribing to the 'No Hugging, No Learning' rule on the set of _Seinfeld_ many years ago.

5: As a homage of sorts, all chapters will be titled "The ".

6: There may be the odd reference to _Seinfeld_ and popular Seinfeld-isms at points.

There may be others as we go along, but that's all I have for now. My fic differs from Seinfeld in that:

1: The plotpoints are, specifically, of my own creation. They may seem like something _Seinfeld _may have featured in an episode at some point, and that makes sense as both _Seinfeld_ and this fic take the mudane aspects of everyday life and turn it into humorous plots, but I thought of them on my own. If there comes an exception at some point, I'll point it out.

2: Opposed to fitting Ken and Davis into the mold of George or Kramer, I'm going to have them be the characters I'd expect them to be based on what I saw in the show personally and have those personas create the humor. Not to say I'm squeezing TK into a mold of Jerry either, I honestly could see TK turning into something like...well, you'll see.

3: Seinfeld, while it had great continuity, never had major events to showcase the advancing age of the characters. I intend to start this fic with the main characters in college and progress to later life, clearly defining these stages and building the fic around them.

That's all I want to say, as any more may give things away. Here's how things are gonna happen.

Each chapter is like an episode. One, two, or three plotpoints will show themselves early on, the characters will progress them, they may cross over each other or converge at the end, and hopefully the process and results will provide good laughs for everyone. Technically, this fic is canon to the digimon universe, but it will do very little to affect the fic. However, we're all going to pretend the whole thing with the thousands of digidestined all over the world and everyone getting their own partner digimon never happened, because...well, eff that. That, and I suppose I have the cast move to America for no adequately explored reason, so...just bear with me. I want to American-ize this fic, given that I'm American. Also, this fic can run as long as I want it to, given the open-endedness of the plot, so as long as I feel I am getting readers I'll continue writing this.

I need my readers to have a good imagination, as it's very hard to use a written-only medium to portray humor. I need you guys to help me out here when you read, sort of imagine what things might be like.

I think that's about it. I'll reveal some story specifics as the fic moves along. If you have any questions, as I know this is an odd undertaking, feel free to message me in some fashion.

One final thing. At the very end of every chapter, there will be a short, 2-4 sentence summary of the plotpoints present in the chapter. So if you want to get an idea of what the chapter will consist of, feel free to scroll down and take a peek to start.

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Chapter One: The Beggars

TK tugged at the cuffs of his black trenchcoat, pulling the sleeves up to his wrists. Satisfied with the state of his dress, he pulled the lapels tight over his chest and did the two large buttons in the front.

It was so cold in Pennsylvania in the fall. He missed the weather in Japan, things stayed nice until november most years. He reached into the large pocket of the coat and pulled out a pair of brown leather gloves, sliding them over his hands. They fit nicely and snuggly on his hands, like a second layer of skin.

He pursed his lips. He had to admit, he missed leaving his family behind in Japan as well. He missed alot of things. But in this land of opportunity, TK's education could be advanced beyond what it could be in Japan.

Or he wasn't entirely sure he could get into a satisfactory college in Japan and decided to exploit the lax schooling system of America.

One of those.

A knock came at the door of his dorm room. He turned away from his white and blue bed and walked the short distance across the blue carpet to the dirty-white door. He gripped the golden knob in his gloved hand and twisted it, pulling the door open to reveal Kari.

"Hey." She said casually, poking her head in and looking about the room. "Nice."

"Yeah I know." TK replied, looking around at the room again himself along with Kari. "Amazing what above-average students can pull over here in America, isn't it?" He gave his trademark half-smirk, leaning back a few inches to complete the effect. "Y'know back in Japan they offered me a cot in a basement at some community college. Plus they wanted me to handle janitorial duties three times a week."

"I'm pretty sure the college that accepted me was a front for a prostitution ring." Kari said, her brow lowering as she recalled her uncomfortable campus tour. "This country's already growing on me." She stepped into the room, clad in a red plain sweater, lighter red pants, and a pink scarf. "I like that look on you." She said, looking TK over up-and-down. "You look like...Ebenezer Scrooge."

"Well, that's what I was shooting for." TK said, pulling lightly at the top of his jacket lapels. "Of course, everyone wants to look like the poster boy for all that is selfish, greedy, and miserly."

Kari shot the wry smile back, nodding. "I'm going to check out the bookstore. Wanna come?" She pointed out into the hallway.

"Yeah, sure." TK complied, stepping out past her into the hall as she shut the door behind him.

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"It's only September." Kari said sardonically, looking over TK again as they strolled down the concrete pathway that wound through the green grass of the campus. "What're you gonna be wearing when the real cold weather hits?"

"I dunno. I might have to insulate all my clothes." TK mused, looking up into the sky of blue peppered with white fluff. "That'd be something, wouldn't it? I could start the new fashion."

"Fat's the new skinny." Kari replied.

"Definitely." Then, TK noticed a short distance up the path, a bearded, seemingly elderly man clad in a dirty green coat and blue sweatpants sitting on the lawn, holding his hand out at anyone who walked near him. One of the passing students tossed a few coins in his general direction, and the man began to pick at the lawn for the loose coins, almost like an animal scavenging for food. "I'm pretty sure that's illegal." TK said coolly.

"What, picking coins out of grass more than two inches tall?" Kari asked, staring at the impoverished man.

"No. Begging for money on-campus. I really should report this." TK said seriously, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Oh, c'mon." Kari pleaded, gesturing at the man as he picked a quarter out of the grass. "Look at the guy. He's had it hard enough. He's got no money, no home, and no life. Do you really feel the need to kick him while he's down?"

"Kar, you know I hate beggars." TK lamented. "Mooching off our hard-earned money, making our street corners look like bumtowns...I'm a conservative, remember?" He glared hard at the bum as he took a seat on the grass. "I've never given a beggar so much as a penny in my life, and I'm not starting now."

"But...you've got that nice job with ABC. You can make thousands of dollars in a single day of simple work. Is it such a terrible thing to throw a couple of quarters at a guy who has nothing so he can eat for a day?" Kari asked, starring at TK's face.

"Bah. Humbug." He replied, just lightly enough to be funny, but just flat enough to be serious.

"Okay, fine." Kari said, reaching into her pants' pocket. "Watch this. I'm giving him ten dollars." She pulled her hand back out, gripping a small leather brown wallet.

"A wallet!" TK commented. "How masculine."

"I like wallets." She responded. "More natural, more-" she accidentally dropped it on the ground. It took a peculiar bounce a few feet out onto the grass. "Hold on."

"Uh-huh." TK said offhand, proceeding down the path and past the bum. The beggar simply stared seemingly right through him, not making the slightest movement to indicate the presence of a person in front of him.

TK smiled to himelf and continued past the man. A few steps later, he realized the magnitude of what had just happened and froze. He pursed his lips, then slowly turned around and looked back at the bum.

Kari was walking up towards him, and immediately, the bum extended his hand out towards her. She gracefully placed a ten dollar bill in his hand, smiled, and waved goodbye as she walked back towards TK.

She stopped next to TK, who was still staring at the bum. "What?" She asked, snapping him out of his trance. He shook his head vigorously, then turned back around and fell into step aside Kari.

"Did you see that?" He asked after getting out of earshot of the bum.

"See it? I did it. I'm such a giving person, aren't I?" She said, shooting a mock accusing glance at TK.

"No." TK looked around awkwardly. "He didn't look at me."

"Huh?" Kari glanced back at the bum.

"The bum. He didn't acknowledge I was there, he didn't extend his hand...look!" He pointed back down the path as the bum continued the process of pointing a cupped hand out at passing people, following them until they were past, then repeating the process with another person. "He's doing it to everyone else." TK stuck his hands in his pockets and continued walking, biting his lower lip. "Odd."

"Well, would you have given him anything if he had gestured at you?" She asked, smirking up at his confused expression.

"Of course not! But that's not the point." TK said quickly.

"It's _exactly_ the point." Kari correctly, holding her hands out to her side. "Why do you care so much?"

"Because there's no way he could have known that!" TK retorted. "Weird..."

Kari scoffed. "Hardly."

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"Listen, it's probably because you look like Ebenezer Scrooge." Kari insisted, down on her hands and knees, looking over book titles on the bottom shelf of a large bookshelf. "You said so yourself. Scrooge would never have given a penny to a beggar either. Someone who models himself after him probably wouldn't either."

TK leaned his right elbow against the top shelf, looking down on Kari's figure as she searched. "Did you ever actually finish reading _A Christmas Story?_ Do you know the ending?"

"Yeah. Scrooge repents, becomes a kind giver, etcera." Kari said matter-of-factly. "But when he did, he opened his jacket. Your jacket is closed tighter than a bomb shelter."

"What're you talking about?" TK asked, furrowing his brow.

"Well, after he becomes a nice guy, he opens his jacket. It's a metaphor, before he was isolated and by himself, closed up inside his own little world. Now that he's a nice guy, he's opened himself up to the rest of the world. Plus, he keeps his change inside his jacket, so when he passes beggars on the street, it's easier for him to get his money out if it's open." Kari said, pulling out a series of multicolored books wrapped in plastic wrap.

"That's stupid." TK insisted, folding his arms over his chest. "No, this-" he gestured at his outfit "-is the Ebenezer Scrooge. Good, bad, he's the guy with the closed up jacket."

"No." Kari countered. "It makes perfect sense that he would open his jacket up after he turns good. Your jacket is closed, indicating that you're still bad Scrooge."

"It doesn't matter if he's bad or good." TK retorted as Kari stood up with the books. "It's still cold."

"Yes, but..." she sighed and placed her palm on her forehead. "...when he was bad Scrooge, his heart was cold and black. Then, when he became good, his heart warmed up, so he didn't need the warmth of the jacket anymore."

TK stared at Kari's face for a moment, pondering this. "But the heart is inside of him. It's inside the jacket." He held his hands out to his side, up in the air. "The temperature of his heart can't be affected by the jacket. In fact, having a closed jacket would trap the cold in-" 

"Alright alright!" Kari exasperated, calling the attention of some closeby customers. "Just...just-just forget it!" She began to walk down the aisle, towards the back of the shop.

"Maybe the bum started reading _A Christmas Story_ but never finished it." A familiar voice came from the other side of the rows of books. TK leaned over the shelf to find Davis scanning the lower books on the other side of the shelf that Kari had gotten her books from.

"Hey man." TK said quietly.

"Hey." Davis replied, wearing a large, thick black coat and blue pants.

"What was that you said?" TK glanced around, feeling this conversation might seem very odd to anyone else.

"Well, maybe the bum started reading _A Christmas Story_ but didn't get to the end. So he thinks Scrooge is a terrible human being who never redeemed himself." Davis embellished. "Makes sense to me."

TK nodded. "I guess I could see that." He looked to his left down the aisle at Kari, who was again on her knees looking for books. "See, now he's-" he pointed at Davis, who was just standing up so he could be seen over the shelf "-got a good point. That I can believe."

Kari shot a sarcastic look at the two boys before continuing her booksearch.

"I think there should be a rule amongst bums that they have to finish _A Christmas Story._" TK started. "As long as they're gonna be stinking up our sidewalks with their presence, they should at least know how to panhandle."

"Yeah." Davis concurred, gesturing at TK's outfit. "I mean, if he's making any assumptions based on what people are wearing, he should at least know there's a decent chance a guy dressed like that is ready to throw big brown bags of gold coins at any beggar he sees."

"It's not even about that-" TK started walking towards Kari. Davis grabbed the top of the shelf and hurdled over to the aisle. "Hey!" TK threw his head around, catching sight of several people transfixed on the sight of the strange boy leaping over the shelf. "Calm down! We're in college now, act like it!" He hissed.

"Well I wouldn't have to if they'd just make some sort of...gap for walking inbetween the shelf segments." He pointed at the line of white bookshelves, all of which were sandwiched together closely.

TK glanced over at the row of shelves, then back up to Davis. "Yeah, you're right, it's really such a bother walking all the way around them." He then looked down at the gray carpet. "In fact, they should just have moving floors like at airports instead of carpets." He walked back over to Kari, Davis following.

"I saw the beggar too. He wanted change from me." Davis continued. "I heard you guys talking about the...thing outside. Very odd."

"Y'know, even if this bum...hypothetically...never finished _A Christmas Story_, how much effort does it take to do this?" TK stuck a cupped hand out and began to slowly shuffle around in a half-circle. "A couple of quarters could be the difference between life and death for this guy, and he's not even willing to extend this much effort at me? Even if I happened to actually _be_ Ebenezer Scrooge, they should at least be able to do...that much."

"Yeah. It's odd alright." Kari said airily, clearly tired of TK's fascination with this event. "Here we are." She pulled out another plastic bound book, this one orange with a picture of a desert on the front. She began the trek up to the front, two boys behind her.

"Hey listen. We're all gonna meet up in the recreation center tonight at six. I talked to Ken this morning. You in?" Davis stated as they got into line.

"So Ken's actually here?" Kari replied. "Huh."

"Well we saw him at the airport." TK recalled. "What's not to believe."

"I thought he was just doing it to be nice." Kari shrugged. "I figured he was gonna jump a flight to Boston and go to Harvard or something."

"Nope. He's really coming here." Davis reinterated. "He wanted to be among familiar people. Besides, Boston accents grate on his nerves like fingernails on a chalkboard."

"Well, maybe not Harvard." The line moved forth a few feet. "I was just thinking he'd go to a college of higher prestige. There's nothing here he couldn't have gotten in Japan."

"We must be important to him." Davis mused.

Kari looked at the back of the larger stack of books she held in her arms. "What's the exchange rate again?"

"Doesn't matter, you got your money exchanged at the airport. Right?" TK asked, a suspicious glare thrown out the corner of his eye at Kari. "Right?"

"Yeah...I don't really know the value of American Money yet. I'm trying to put the price of these books in terms I understand." Kari responded, looking up at the ceiling in thought.

"I think it's like one hundred and twenty-two yen to the dollar." TK said, squinting his eyes and glaring at the opposite wall. "Something like that."

She pursed her lips and thought for a moment. "Damn."

"Yup." TK nodded, looking around at the stacks of books. "Forget course prices, this is where the killing is made."

"Gotta give a little to get a little." Davis said, bouncing around in his shoes as he stood in line. "I can't believe this. Me, in a college! And it's no community college! A real, live, college!" He spun around to face TK. "Did you ever honestly see me landing in a full-scale university one day?"

TK stared at Davis's face for a second, biting his tongue. "No, I didn't." He finally said, smirking. "No, I didn't."

The trio then moved up to the front of the line. Kari set her books out on the white and brown countertop for the cashier to ring up, then pulled her wallet out of her pocket.

"I have to say, I can not wait to get me a piece of the Pennsylvania culture." Davis continued as Kari began to count dollar bills on the counter. "I hear they've got a mean cheesesteak in the area."

TK sucked in his cheeks for a second before responding. "You know, on a much..._less_ important note, I hear Philly plays host to many historical landmarks that played major roles in the founding the Unites States." TK shrugged sarcastically. "But hey, cheesesteaks!"

"I definitely need to see the Liberty Bell soon." Kari said absentmindedly as she stacked bills on the counter as the total price of all the books appeared on a lime green readout in the digital lines of a register display.

"I dunno why they still have that think on display." Davis said, scratching the back of his head. "I mean, it's got this big crack in it."

"The crack's been glorified." TK responded. "Embellished even. The Americans love the crack."

"So it's a tribute to shoddy American worksmanship?" Davis asked rhetorically.

"Actually, I read it was cast in London." Kari said offhand, continuing to count money slowly.

"Well now we know where they got it from." TK quipped.

"Burn!" Davis exclaimed, putting his fist up, waiting for TK to respond with a fistbump. But it didn't come.

"What are you, a caveman?" TK asked, squinting at the fist. Davis put it back down at his side and unfurled it into a hand, slightly put out.

Kari suddenly froze in midcount. TK moved up to the counter's edge to look at her face. She had gone quite red.

"You alright?" He asked. Slowly and robotically, she turned to face Ken, a forced smile on her face.

"TK?" She said, trying to sound innocent.

"Oh my god, you're ten dollars short, aren't you?" TK said, leaning back and giving his trademark sideways smile again.

"Can I borrow your wallet?" She asked meekly, pointing at his jacket pocket.

"Uh-huh." TK nodded slowly, still smiling. "If you tell me exactly how short you are."

"Give me your wallet." She said in just a little more than a hiss.

"Well, you may have placed your education and future at risk, but at least one bum will be able to feed himself for another couple of days-" TK started, but Kari grabbed his jacket lapels and pulled him down to her face.

"Give me your wallet or I'll rip off my bra and try to barter it for the books." She said in a whisper in his ear.

"That'd be a terrible loss." He responded in a very normal voice. "C'mon, seriously, was it more or less than ten bucks?"

Kari threw him back a few feet, then turned her glance over to Davis. "Can I borrow _your_ wallet?" She asked very sweetly.

Davis smirked and looked nervously at the back wall of the store. "Y'know, I really...put alot of work in pounding out a precise budget for the next several months. I don't wanna deviate from that already, I really better not."

Kari twitch slightly, then took a deep breath. "C'mon, I'll pay you back real soon." She stepped up very close to him.

"What else are you gonna say?" Davis said, shrugging. "Sorry, I really...really don't want to get into the whole loaning money thing. Especially between friends."

"But it's only four fifty-" Kari started, before clapping her hands over her mouth.

"A-ha!" TK said mock dramatically, stepping up to her and pointing an accusing finger at her chest. "It was the beggar! I knew it!"

Kari glared up at him for a second, then reached up and grabbed his lapels again. "Alright, alright! It was the beggar! Are you happy now, you've won, the beggar is evil!" She spat at a low hiss.

"Very happy." TK said lightly, reaching inside his inside jacket pocket. "You have _no _idea." He pulled out a black billfold and opened it. "The irony here is just incredible." He pulled out a five dollar bill and handed it to her. "I couldn't write something like this." She reached for it, but he pulled it away in a flicking motion at the last second. "C'mon, work for it." He teased. "I'll put it in the waistband of your panties."

She reached over his shoulder at where he was holding the bill and snatched it out of his hand. She continued to glare daggers at him as she backed up to the counter and placed the bill down with the others.

"That'd make a hell of a short story." TK said, walking over to Davis. "Except instead of a kindly person saving the impoverished book buyer at the end, the girl can no longer afford the books, has to drop out of college, never gets a good job because of it, and ends up sitting next to the very bum she gave the ten bucks to."

"Now _that_ would be a story." Davis agreed, snapping his fingers and pointing at TK. "That's gold! Gold!"

Kari picked up her stack of books and began to walk around the counter. TK and Davis followed.

Back outside, the bum was still sitting there on the grass some distance away, gesturing at anyone who got close to him. TK glared at the man for a few seconds as the group proceeded closer and closer to him.

When they were a few meters away, TK stopped walking and held his arm out to stop Davis and Kari.

"What's up?" Davis asked as the hand blocked his way down the path.

"Hold on." TK said. "Davis, you go first. Walk by the bum." He pointed down the path.

Davis shrugged and began to nonchalantly walk down the path. Sure enough, as he passed by the bum, the cupped hand belonging to said bum followed his trajectory. TK and Kari watched, TK with real interest, Kari with faked interest.

"Okay." TK began to unbutton his trenchcoat.

"You're kidding me." Kari said unbelievingly, watching his hands undo the buttons. "You said you didn't believe me."

"Worth a shot." He mumbled. "Walk past him." He ordered Kari.

She complied, rolling her eyes as she began the trek. Again, the beggar appealed to the girl's kinder side for some money and she passed.

TK cleared his throat, stood up straight, and marched down the path, lapels fluttering in the wind this time. For the second time, he walked right past the beggar, and the beggar didn't acknowledge him in the slightest, with a cupped hand, glance, or noise.

TK went on for another couple of meters before stopping, looking ahead at Davis and Kari a short distance ahead, and put his arms out to his side, shrugging, wide-eyed in confusion.

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"So, she was carrying books." TK explained to Ken, who was seated languidly on a fat chair, holding a glass bottle of root beer by the neck. TK was seated on the armrest of a lovechair across from Ken. "Not only that, she had given him a ten dollar bill just minutes before. And yet, the bum appeals to her for change, but not me." TK shook his head and looked at the lounge wall opposite him. The lounge was an upper-class-ish establishment, the walls made of logs to give a ski-lodge feel and alot of golden trimmings. It was fairly empty now, just the occasional ponytail-sporting college kid sitting at a table with a small tray of salad or a couple of guys crowded around a laptop in the corner. "I even opened my jacket. I don't get it."

"Well, he's obviously not a smart bum." Ken said simply, kicking back a swig from the bottle. "A campus is no place for a bum."

"That's true." TK concurred, nodding slightly.

"This place is filled with young adults who just laid down thousands for tuition and hundreds to buy the books. Add in room, board, and all that other stuff, no intelligent bum is gonna hang around a college." Ken finished.

"So you're saying the bum was so stupid, he didn't see TK, but saw everyone else?" Kari asked, her face contorted in a confused expression. "I don't see it." She was seated on the edge of a autumun.

"You can never say with these people." Davis said matter-of-factly, laying back on the couch. "They're deranged. One time, I saw one in downtown Odiba begging for condoms."

"I want to know why you care so damn much." Kari said, looking at TK. "You're not gonna give him any money, so why the concern?"

"I want to know what makes me unbeggable." TK said flatly. "It's not like he had anything better to do."

"Classes start in a week, so you might just wanna put this behind you." Ken said, eyes glinting. "Things are about to get serious."

"Well, I'm figuring this out. One way or another." He insisted, wagging a finger at Ken. "I'll spend the rest of my life thinking about this if I don't figure it out now." Suddenly, he snapped his fingers and pointed at Kari. "Oh, Kar, I nearly forgot. Are you out of money now or something?"

"Yeah." Her lips went tight and she looked up at the ceiling. "I'll be alright...I've paid for the classes and books and everything."

"But you need to eat." TK said seriously. "I don't understand, didn't you write down a money plan so this kind of thing wouldn't happen?"

Kari went slightly red. "Well, I did, but...it went off course at the airport." She looked away.

"What was it?" Davis inquired, looking straight at her. "Heels? Ring? Necklace?"

"No, I...tipped the currency exchange guy." She said quietly.

There was silence for a moment as the three boys stared at Kari. "Okay, really." TK said finally. "We're friends, you can tell us, we won't judge you." He smiled. "C'mon, show us the bling."

"No, I'm serious." She went even redder, looking down at the ground. "You're supposed to, right?"

TK shook his head slowly. "No. You're not." He said sharply, but high enough to avoid any real hostility.

"Well, that explains alot." She said, sighing and shrugging.

"Hoo boy." Ken exclaimed, looking Kari over. "How much?" 

"...fifteen percent." She said meekly.

"What?!" Ken nearly dropped his bottle. "That's hundreds of dollars!"

Kari put her head in her hands. "I thought it was customary!" She insisted, muffled by her hands.

"Kar, all the guy does is enter how much money you have in a computer, read the readout of how much you have using the other currency, and give you however much that is." TK said, squeezing his eyes shut and rubbing his forehead.

"Well, he did a good job." Kari said lamely.

"He probably thought you were hitting on him." Davis added.

Kari squinted, recalling the details of the exchange. "Yeah, that'd explain alot." She bit her bottom lip.

"It's probably the only tip that guy's ever gotten in his life." TK said, looking down at Kari as she slouched over in embarrassment.

"I tipped him eighty-seven cents." Davis said suddenly, looking around at his three companions. "After the exchange I had eighty-seven cents in change so I just gave it to him. I didn't wanna carry around any coins."

"Well that's just a _little_ different!" TK said. "I gave the guy my coins too."

"Me too." Ken said, raising his hand. "I wonder if that's common."

"Maybe. I guess if you keep working that job long enough, you end up with all the money in the world through loose change." TK joked. "Didn't your parents wire you money ahead or something?"

"Yeah, they wired a bunch over to a bank account. But I can't touch it yet." Kari said sadly.

"What's the problem?" Ken asked, swigging from his bottle again after he spoke.

"My parents laid down a very specific budget, and check my balance like three times a day or some crap. If some of it's gone when it shouldn't be I'm screwed." Kari fell back on the autumun, groaning. "And I'm not telling my parents I tipped a currency exchange guy."

"Strict parents." TK said, grimacing at the thought of having money so closely controlled by another. "What's up with that?"

"I know." Kari moaned, rubbing her eyes. "Steal _one_ credit cart to rent _one_ Camaro for _one_ weekend pleasure cruise, and..." she waved her arms around in front of her and created the rough sound of an explosion with her mouth. "...sixteen years of being an angel don't count."

TK glared at Kari, starting to smirk again. "Yeah, you wouldn't think that." He slowly reached inside his trenchcoat. "Well, I'll tell you what." He continued to feel around inside with his leather-bound hands. "How much do you think you need to get by until you can make a withdrawal?"

"Don't worry about it." Kari said tiredly. "I'll figure it out."

"There's nothing to figure out." TK insisted. "You need money to survive, especially in a foreign country. It's either this, or eating out of trash cans. Which I know you won't do."

"Money gets in the way of friendships." Kari said mechanically, rolling over onto her side. "I don't think I should-"

"Kar. We both know that if you don't have any money you'll just come into my dorm three times a day to eat and end up asking me for money every time you want to do something anyway. You might as well just take it now." He whipped five hundred dollar bills out from the jacket and held his hand out to her.

"Well, alright-" her eyes fell on the bills "-why are you carrying around big bills like that?" She asked, eyes snapping open at the sight of the money.

"I keep them inside the linings of my jacket. No danger." TK said dismissively. "Take it." He shook the bills in her direction.

"I don't need that much-" she began, but was cut off.

"I don't care, I just want to make sure you don't have to ask me for another loan anytime soon. Just get it all over at once, like a bandaid."

"Well..." she sat up. "I don't want you holding it over my head. I don't want to have to...pick up the bill at restaurants for the next five years or anything-"

"Please." TK pointed at his chest with both hands. "Do I look like a grudge holder?"

Kari looked at the bills, puckering her lips out at the thought of taking them. "When do I have to pay you back?" She asked tenatively.

TK shrugged. "Whenever, I don't care."

Kari put her right index finger up to her chin for a second, then plunged it down towards the money. "Alright."

TK allowed her to grab it. He watched as she reached into her back pocket for the wallet to place the new-received money in.

"Alright, that's settled." Davis clapped his hands together in front of his chest. "Let's hit the town."

------------------------------------------------------------

"I still can't comprehend it." TK said, elbow of his right arm propped on the kitchen counter, face in his right hand, looking at Ken standing in the kitchen and holding an open, large black book in his hands titled _Pink Floyd: The Dark Side of the Moon_. "Who would tip a currency exchange guy? It makes no sense!"

"I'd tip a currency exchange guy if I was exchanging dollars for yen." Ken said casually, flipping a page of the large book over and focusing on the next page, which featured large pictures of concerts with some writing littered here and there.

"How do you figure?" TK asked.

"Well, when you're exchanging dollars for yen, you're getting one hundred and twenty two yen for every one dollar. You feel alot richer. You're riding such a high from all the money you have you feel alright about shelling out a couple bills." Ken explained, clearly more interested in the book than the conversation.

"Yeah. But you're not actually any richer." TK stated, looking at Ken with a stupid grin on his face.

"But you feel like it." Ken insisted.

"So feeling rich is more important than actually being rich?" TK dared to ask.

"Of course." Ken answered, smiling himself now. "But I can't explain why you would tip a currency exchange guy when you're going from yen to dollars. You feel really poor after an exchange like that. Gotta horde every little bit."

"But you said you gave the guy your change." TK reminded him.

"It was three cents." Ken said dismissively, flipping another page. "Besides, the coins were dirty. I can't stand dirty coins."

"So image is more important to you than substance?" TK asked, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning back a bit.

"I guess so." Ken replied offhand.

"So you'd rather have a hundred one dollar bills than one hundred dollar bill?" TK questioned, shaking his head disbelievingly.

"Sure, why not." Ken said without really indicating he cared about the question.

A rapid, violent knock came at the door. TK strode over to it and turned the knob. As soon as the door swung open, Kari fell in.

"It's awful! Awful!" She immediately screeched, grabbing TK by the coat lapels and pulling up to his face. "Awful!"

"What?" TK questioned, grabbing her wrists and trying to yank her off. "What's awful?"

"The currency exchange guy called me!" She exclaimed, not letting go. "I think he was asking me for a date!"

TK stared into her face for a second before viciously ripping her hands off his coat. "How the hell did he get your number?"

She paused and looked back out into the hallway quickly before responding. "He said he got...a police sketch artist to draw me, then used the FBI database to track down my vital information."

TK's mouth fell open in awe at this. "Damn! Now _that_ is something." He pointed at Kari emphatically. "That is something."

"Well, what happened?" Ken asked. "What'd you say?" He was still absorbed in the book.

Again, she paused, gathering her thoughts. "He asked who it was...I said Kari Kamiya...then he said I accidentally left three hundred and eight five dollars with him in the currency exchange, and he wants to give it back." She said, breathing heavily. "He started talking about meeting at a coffee shop a few blocks from the university when I hung up."

TK stared at her. "That's a date? Kar, the guy could just be an upstanding citizen who wants to give you your money back." He shrugged. "What's the big deal?" 

"He wants a date!" Kari insisted, holding her right index finger up next to her face. "No sane human being uses a police sketch artist and the FBI database to track down a person _just_ so you can give them back some money!" She grabbed her forehead and began to pace around the living room area. "This guy either wants a date...or worse! He could be some sicko...sadist...pervert...something!" She sat down on the couch heavily.

"Yeah, that's a profession that's really known for attracting scumbags." TK said lightly. "You wouldn't believe the shortage on currency exchange guys these days. They'll hire _anyone_."

"Shut up!" She hissed. "This is serious!"

"Well, do you want your money back?" Ken asked, flipping another page of the large book.

"...yes! I'd like to pay TK back now, I hate being in debt!" She crossed her arms over her chest. "But this guy was like forty! And obese! Everything! He probably works it to manga on his coffee break." She shivered.

"That's an issue with you?" TK joked. "You dated me." He snickered, looking away at the opposite wall.

"Well, your not forty and obese!" Kari exclaimed. "Besides, it doesn't matter, I hung up on him. Unless he wants to come here and track me down to my dorm." She crossed her right leg up over her left leg. "And if he does that, I'm getting him arrested."

"Oh, he'll call you back." TK said casually. "He thinks the call just got dropped. He might be calling you back right now."

"You did a four hundred dollar leave behind on him." Ken said flatly, still reading through the book. "He thinks you want him bad."

"Leave behind?" Kari narrowed her eyes. "What's that?"

"Oldest trick in the dating book." TK said majestically. "You think a date didn't go very well, you make an excuse to get into the girl's apartment, then you leave behind something intentionally. Next day, you call her, say you 'accidentally' left something at her place, and arrange a meeting to get it back. Boom, free second date."

"Huh." Kari stuck her tongue out the right side of her mouth. "Well I've fallen for that a few times."

"Many women have." TK said, nodding his head. "I always do it with a cloth napkin I carry with me all the time. I claim it was my grandmother's, who was a survivor of the _Titanic_, and the napkin was from the _Titanic._ So I have decent motivation to get it back."

"What is it really?" Kari said casually, looking at her fingernails.

"I stole it from an Olive Garden." He said offhand. "Anyway, usually, you do leave behinds with worthless or cheap items in case something goes wrong. However, in this guy's mind, you were so desparate to get a free date, you were willing to leave nearly four hundred dollars behind. In dating language, you have sent the message that you are completely obsessed with him and think about him every single second of the day."

"Oh god!" She exclaimed, clapping her hands over her eyes. "Are you serious?"

"Of course. I mean, that's probably the first big tip he's gotten in his entire life." TK said. "Odds are he doesn't think it's a tip."

"I'm sure there are other stupid people in the world." Ken said casually, still reading the book.

"True enough." TK conceded. "Maybe one day he'll buy a yacht with all the money he gets from tips." He held his hands out in front of him, moving them out in small increments. "I can see it now. _The Stupid Tippers._ That's a nice name for a boat."

"Will you!" Kari whined. "Now this guy won't leave me alone until I either...agree to the date or tell him this a big misunderstanding."

"You can't do that." Ken said quickly, still not showing signs of interest.

"Why not?" Kari asked, turning to face Ken.

"Either way, you have to go out on the date." Ken said dully. "Agree to the date, you go on the date. Tell him it's a misunderstanding, he'll want to give you the money back to rectify it, but you still have to meet him at the coffee shop. Think about it."

"That's true." TK said strongly. He began to rub his chin. "So the only option is to never answer the phone again for the rest of your life."

"I'll have to screen my calls forever!" She groaned.

"Well, until this guy becomes enamored with another girl. One who actually returns the notions of love." TK smiled knowingly. "How long do you think that's gonna take?"

Kari glared daggers into TK's chest. Slowly, her expression softened into one of an ephipany. "Wait! You can go for me!"

"Hmm?" TK murmured.

"I set up the date, you go in my stead, say I fell ill...or whatever, and get the money! It works out for all of us, because then I can pay you back!" Kari said excitedly. "C'mon!" 

TK snorted. "No, I don't think so."

Kari's face fell. "Why?"

TK looked off at his bookshelf. "This is just too weird."

"Please?" She clapped her hands together in front of her chest. "He won't try anything with you! I'm five foot two, he might try to kidnap me, or rape me, or something! I could die!"

"That's a shame." TK said casually, picking up a _TV Guide _off the coffee table and opening it up.

She turned desparately to Ken, who shook his head before she said anything. She sighed and pushed off the couch. "Well, I need to go change my answering machine then."

"You're not gonna answer the guy?" TK asked her back as she walked away. "That's just cruel!" She ignored him. "You did a four hundred dollar leave behind on the guy, and now you're not even gonna pick up the phone?" She opened the door and walked out into the hall. TK followed her out and continued to yell at her backside as she walked away. "That sort of double message could drive most men to insanity and suicide!" He insisted. "See you tonight." He walked back in and shut the door behind him. "This is something else, isn't it?" 

"Yeah." Ken said flatly. "Oh, what ever happened with the beggar thing?"

"Nothing." TK said, throwing his hands up in the air. "I've walked past him several times now. He never notices me."

"What about the other beggars?" Ken said, flipping another page. "This book is something else-"

"What other beggars?" TK asked, eyes glinting.

"Didn't you see? More and more beggars have been popping up all around campus. There are like six now. The first one's like a scout, I guess this place was more fertile for panhandling then I thought." Ken shrugged. "They're begging all around, here and there on campus."

"Well, I'll give it a go." TK said quickly, moving back towards the door. "How do I look?" He did a quick turn for Ken, who turned his eyes up to TK for a second.

"You're dressing up for bums now?" Ken asked, looking TK over. "You should change out of the Scrooge getup. Try another look, maybe that's it."

"Yes!" TK said, snapping his fingers. "Another look, that's the ticket!" He marched towards his bedroom.

"You should stop obsessing about this." Ken said. "Classes start in three days."

"I'll be fine." TK said, disappearing into his bedroom.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"He called me four times today!" Kari exasperated to Davis. Davis was seated on the backrest of a couch in the lounge, Kari on the actual seats of the couch. "He's suggesting times and everything!" Her face fell into her hands. "The rest of my life is gonna be like this, all because I thought you were supposed to tip the goddamn guy!"

"How about this?" Davis said. "Agree to the date, but show up really ugly."

"Huh?" She asked, looking up at him.

"Well, screw up your makeup, wear something you dug out of a trash, shave your head...whatever. He'll never want to see you again!"

"This guy is the very definition of ugly!" Kari moaned. "I could show up looking like Yoko Ono and he'd still want a piece."

"What if you answer the phone, explain the situation, and tell him he can keep the money?" Ken suggested, laying back on an autumun.

"That's just awkward." Kari replied. "There's no...logical explanation why I'd let a guy keep four hundred dollars."

Just then, TK walked up to the trio. He was wearing a pair of brown shorts and a white tanktop. His body hairs were standing up oweing to the fact that he was extremely cold. He wore an expression of discontent.

"Nothing?" Ken asked, looking TK over.

"Nothing!" TK exasperated, sitting down next to Kari. "I walked past every single beggar on this campus, and I got nothing! I did it in my dress suit, my blazer, my slacks...even this!" He gestured at his current outfit. "Not so much as an eyeball movement! It's driving me crazy!"

"What about the guy near the emergency fire exits in the back?" Kari asked, looking over at his goosebumps.

"Huh?" TK inquired, rubbing his arms, trying to warm up.

"Yeah, he just got here a few hours ago. More and more keep popping up. It's like a disease." Kari wrinkled her nose. "I should complain-"

"No!" TK insisted. "Nobody's complaining about anything until I get my recognition!"

"Wow." Davis snickered. "You really do care, don't you?"

"Of course I care! I'm not invisible! I'm not poor! I want to know why the hell am I unbeggable!" He threw his arms out to his sides, nearly hitting Kari in the face.

"If someone gives you...recognition...are you gonna give them any money?" Davis asked slowly.

"Hell no!" TK exclaimed, leaning back on the couch. "That's not the point."

"It's exactly the point." All three chorused at once to TK.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"TK, what the hell are you wearing?" Davis inquired as TK stepped out of the hallway and into Kari's dorm. He was wearing a black t-shirt that was worn at the edges and torn on the sleeves, along with jeans that were faded and ripped at the knees.

"This is all I got left!" TK insisted, gesculating down at his outfit. "The bums won't even glance at me in anything else! This is my last shot!"

"They'll never acknowledge you like that." Ken said, sitting on the edge of Kari's bed. "You look like one of them, of course you don't have money."

"Well...this is all I've got!" TK reinterated. "If this doesn't work..I don't even _know._"

"Actually, if you screwed with your hair a little bit you'd look like Kurt Cobain." Kari mused, seated next to the telephone on the couch.

"See? He had money." TK said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Okay, why'd you call us up here."

"Well, the currency exchange guy is driving me crazy. I can't screen my calls forever." Kari said listlessly, staring at the phone. "We need a solution that doesn't involve me actually getting near this guy. I figure four college students putting their heads together _have_ to come up with something."

"I gave you all of my ideas." TK said dismissively. "Why can't you just block his number?"

"That'll just make it worse." Kari reasoned. "He'll probably come here and try and track down my dorm room."

"I don't see any way out of it." Davis said, mount slanted. "You're gonna have to meet the guy and set him down nicely."

"Not too nice. Nice and firm." Ken corrected.

"He'll probably think I'm playing hard to get." She lamented, putting her face in her hands, looking at the phone through her fingers. "I'm gonna have to marry this guy." She then shot a nasty look up at Davis, Ken and TK. "This would all be fine if one of you would just work up the balls to go see him for me!"

"Hey, we didn't tip the guy." TK said defensively. "I'm not touching this guy."

The phone began to ring, shocking everyone in the room and causing them to jump. Everyone stared at it, Kari going pale.

"It's him!" She cried, looking at her wristwatch. "He calls everyday at this time!"

"Yes, a currency exchange man would be very regimental with his obtrusive phone calls to a strange girl." TK said theatrically.

"Wait a moment." Ken said suddenly, looking at the phone kick into its second ring. "I've got it!"

"Huh? What?" Kari asked, turning to Ken, who had already gotten up and was walking over to the phone. "Wait, sto-"

But Ken had already picked up the receiver and brought it up to his face. "Hello?" He began into the receiver. Everyone froze and watched Ken stand there, phone in hand, listening. Kari's right index finger reached out like a dart and stabbed the speakerphone button on the base.

"-she there?" A cracking voice strained through the speaker.

"Oh." Ken dramatically paused. "Did you...know her well?"

"Well, not really. She was at the P.H.L. about a week ago, and I was exchanging her money. She left almost four hundred bucks with me. I tried to chase her down, but she was in a hurry. Between you and me, I don't think it was accidentally." He gave a light chuckle. "Anyway, I've got the money with me, and I'm willing to give it back. I just need to-"

"Kari's dead." Ken said suddenly, cutting him off. Kari put her hands over her mouth as she watched Ken try to talk her out of this situation.

"I'm sorry, what?" The man asked.

"Well...it was just about two days ago. She was murdered, hit over the back of the head with a lead pipe several...dozen times." He groaned through the telephone. "Very disturbing stuff."

"Oh...oh my. Well, I'm sorry. Who are you?" He inquired.

"Neighbor, we sorta knew each other." Ken responded. "It's a real shame. Nice girl."

TK leaned over to whisper in Davis's ear. "This won't fly. Pretty girls getting murdered always make the evening news."

"Wait for it." Davis said knowingly.

"Did she have a close relative? Someone I could give the money to or something?" The voice asked.

Ken looked at Kari, who vigorously shook her head no. "Umm...you know what? Keep it. It's not that big a deal...at least, anymore."

"Well, alright." The voice said. "I wish I could do more-"

"It's fine. Nothing you could have done, I'm sure." Ken said solemnly. "Could I get your name and number in case the airport becomes involved in the case?"

"Oh yeah, sure. It's William Briggs, and the number is-"

"Wait." Ken said seriously. "What was that name again?"

"William Briggs." He repeated.

Ken paused for a second before continuing dramatically. "Alright you son of a bitch." He hissed. "Why'd you do it?"

"What?" The voice asked through the speaker.

"I found her on my way home, in the back of an alley, an inch from death." Ken said through gritted teeth. "With her final breath, she said two words. 'William Briggs.' Sounds like someone screwed up. How'd you know the girl?" 

"Listen, I don't-" 

"Don't lie to me!" Ken yelled into the receiver. "You know what? Don't tell me. I'm calling the police on your ass, and they'll come down on you like a goddamn sledgehammer!" Ken hissed.

"Sir, I have no idea how-"

"I don't know _what_ your involvement is in this, but I _swear_ if you get convicted, I'm gonna rip your intestines out and strangle you with them!" Ken roared. "Perverted little sickos who get off on hurting innocent little girls don't even deserve death!" Ken took a quick breath. "You can run, you little son of a bitch, but you can't hide!" He slammed the phone back onto the base and took a mock bow.

"And the oscar goes to..." TK said jokingly.

"Ken, you magnificent bastard, you've done it!" Kari cheered, jumping up and hugging him tightly. "He'll be out of the country by nightfall! I'll never hear from him again!"

"That was beautiful." Davis conceded, looking down at the phone. "A real work of _art!_"

"It was nothing." Ken insisted. "Just a little ad-libbing."

Kari let Ken go. "What were you gonna say if I wanted the money back?" She asked.

Ken shrugged. "I dunno. I was ad-libbing."

TK gave his smirk again. "Well. That is something else." He turned around back towards the door. "C'mon, I'm gonna give the bums one last try."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The entire central courtyard, made up of stone walkways and luscious grass, had been seemingly taken over by an assortment of bums. Though of all different shapes and sizes, there was no mistaking the clothes that didn't fit, the dirt caking their bodies, and the stench of garbage and alcohol.

There were no less than twenty five of them, gathered close to paths, reaching out at anyone who got close enough. TK, Kari, Davis and Ken were standing on the steps of the school's back entrance, watching the scene with awe.

"This has _got _to be illegal." Kari said slowly. "It really makes the campus look like crap."

"We'll bust them as soon I get my cupped hand." TK said defiantly. He puffed his chest out and began walking down the steps. The three watched as he proceeded down the paths.

Sure enough, every bum he strolled by completely ignored him, and with each one he passed, TK view visibly more angry.

"He's like the Invisible Man." Ken commented, watching a bum stare right through him as he passed.

"It is odd." Davis agreed. "I mean, if they just don't like him, isn't a dirty look in order?"

"Gee, I can't believe I had to break that hundred dollar bill at the cafe!" TK said loudly to no one in particular. "I sure have alot of small bills on me! What will I ever do with them?"

Even this failed to produce a response. For several minutes, he walked up and down the paths, never generating so much as a look. Finally, visibly agitated, he went back up the steps to his friends.

"Now that I can't explain." Ken said to TK as he fumed on the spot. "Sorry, but I don't know what to-"

"What the HELL is wrong with you people!" TK shouted, turning around to face the courtyard. The bums slowly turned their heads up to look at him. "You guys are bums. BUMS!" TK continued in anger, storming down the steps. "You have no right to discriminate against anyone else! You are among the lowest life forms the human race has to offer!"

"I like where this is going." Kari whispered into Ken's ear.

"How dare you people...profile someone! You have no right!" TK continued, gesturing wildly with his hands as he spoke. "I'm just like any other passing student you beg for money!" He paused, looking around wildly. "Why am I being ignored?!"

No one spoke.

"If you beg us, do we not give?" TK reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet. "Is my money not good enough for you? It's just as good as any other money!" He held the wallet up in the air. "You don't want my money?!"

Everyone gasped as he hurled the billfold through the air at the closest bum. It landed at his feet. The bum looked down at it slowly.

"Too goddamn bad! Cuz you're taking it!" TK finished, spinning on his heel and marching up the steps. "That'll teach ya!" He hissed, brushing past Kari and Ken on his way inside the school.

Kari, Ken and Davis stood there for a few moments, in complete awe of what had just happened. Then, suddenly, Kari started to laugh hysterically.

"Did you see that?" Ken said incredulously to Davis. "Oh my god! What was that?"

"That was a trip." Davis agreed. "I'll never forget that."

The bum suddenly bent over and picked up the wallet, then turned around to the others. "We got 'im!" He said in a cracking voice as the others began to gather around him.

"Wait.." Kari said slowly, standing back up straight and wiping tears out from her eyes. "What's going on?"

"A panhandling sting operation." Ken said slowly, watching the wallet's contents being dumped on the ground and all the bums gathering around it. "The likes most bums dare not dream of. Reverse Psychology Panhandling."

"You have _got_ to be kidding me." Davis said, wide-eyed at the revelation.

"Maybe they are smart bums after all." Ken admitted. "We should probably get his..." he pointed at the crowd of bums "...stuff back."

"Why?" Kari asked, turning to look up at Ken. "They worked so hard for it."

"Yeah, but TK did all that in haste, out of anger and frustration. He obviously wasn't thinking. I'm sure he'll want it back." Davis pointed out.

"He's probably got hundreds of dollars in there, plus vital legal documents!" Ken exclaimed, watching the bums tear into the contents of the wallet like it was the dumped contents of a Pinata.

Kari smirked, watching the scene. "That's a shame." With that, she spun around and went into the school through the large glass double doors.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright, that's the first chapter. The next may not come for awhile, I did this to gauge interest. I'm trying to finish The Wall and A New Emperor, but I'll get back to this when I'm done.

Thanks for reading!

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TK tries to find out why the beggars located on campus don't indicate they want change from him. Kari finds herself pursued by an unattractive currency exchanger after accidentally tipping him.


	2. The Orgy Ken

Chapter 2: The Orgy Ken

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So be honest now." Kari said, leaning against the doorframe of TK's dorm room, watching him place assorted books into a black attache case on the coffee table across the room. "How far did you get in those?"

"What? The books?" TK replied dismissively, grabbing the zipper along the right side of the case and pulling it up and around. "Why should I worry about getting far in them now? Class doesn't start until today, I'm not obligated to even touch them until now."

"That's not how you get ahead." Kari replied, shaking her head. She was wearing a conservative red skirt and a white long-sleeve shirt.

"Hey, sister, I'm already ahead." TK insisted, grabbing the case by the leather handle and letting it hang at his side. It blended in nicely with his dark trenchcoat and pants. He looked like one perhaps going to a funeral. "I'm in college, that makes me 'ahead' by default. Besides, who cares about being ahead? I'd be perfectly content with just being...on pace."

"You haven't read a page, have you?" She asked.

"Nope." TK said casually. "So what's your first class?"

"English 101." She replied, casting a quick look down the hall. "It's not too far from here, I don't have to leave for like a half-hour."

"Yeah, I've got..." he bit his lower lip and looked up at the ceiling, "...contemporary math in a bit here. I think it's 107."

"Good luck with that." Kari said quickly. "So...um..." she ran her right hand through her hair, "...how's the fallout from the bum incident going?"

"What do you mean?" He asked, setting the case back down on the coffee table and falling back onto the brown leather couch.

"Well, they've gotta be running around using your credit cards and stuff." Kari said offhand.

"Oh no, I already got all those canceled." TK replied coolly, putting his legs up along the couch.

"Well, you had some...vital legal documents in there, right?" She asked, her voice climbing in pitch slightly.

"Yeah, but I got it all taken care of. Called a couple places, already got it all sorted out."

She forced a small smile. "But...there's no getting that money back, is there?"

"No." TK replied indifferently. "I suppose not."

"You don't have to play tough guy for me." She said playfully, slowly moving into the room. "C'mon, admit it, it's eating you up inside. You miss that money so much you'd probably cut off a limb to get it back."

Slowly, TK reached into the inside pocket of his jacket, feeling around inside of it. Finally, he grasped and removed a white slip of paper, folded in half. He unfurled it and held it up in his right hand over the couch backrest, the frontside pointing towards Kari.

She briskly walked up to it and peered at the cursive writing present on it for a second. Her smile faded in a flash, and her pupils dilated at the sight that greeted her.

"But...but-" She sputtered, her knuckles going white as she made a pair of fists. TK just smiled up at her. She spun on her heel and stormed out, giving a strangled sort of anguished wail as she walked.

"I hate you!" She yelled back as she turned into the hallway. "I hate you!"

TK just waved half-heartedly in the general direction he assumed her to be in.

The door right across the hall from TK's dorm swung open, and Ken peered his head out, looking off down the hall. A raised eyebrow was then cast at TK, looking over the backrest of the couch.

"What's going on?" Ken asked.

"She hates me." TK said simply, smiling and shrugging.

"Mmm." Ken mumbled, stepping out across the hall and into TK's dorm, carrying an attache case similar to TK's and dressed in a brown blazer with several golden buttons on the sleeves and black dress pants. "How's it going?"

"My state of being is inversely related to Kari's level of happiness." TK replied mechanically, holding the white slip of paper up again.

Ken walked up to it and peered down at the writing across it. Upon comprehending it, he gave a small shudder. "Holy-"

"I know." TK cut him off. "I got a call last night around nine, went out for a couple of hours, and bada bing." He folded the rectangular piece of paper back up and moved to replace it in his jacket.

"How long was it?" Ken asked, voice shaking slightly as he unconsciously backed away from TK.

"Just about half an hour." TK said casually.

"Oh...that's wonderful." Ken said, bringing his left index finger up to his mouth and beginning to nibble on the nail. "Eddie Bauer...very nice. You've translated right to the American style, I see."

"What's wrong?" TK asked. "You didn't?"

"Well...no." Ken admitted, going slightly red. "It's the damnest thing. I'm hardly getting any calls, and they're almost always cattle calls."

"Ouch." TK replied. "Wonder what's up."

"I've only gotten two serious offers." Ken continued, looking around the dorm room aimlessly. "One was for some magazine ad for a...questionable porno store, the other for a male enhancer." He gave a shudder again. "This country is weird."

"Wish I could help." TK said.

"I'll give it time, I guess." Ken said, pursing his lips. "Frustrating. I get the feeling I'm not being taken seriously."

"That must be how Davis spends his entire life." TK quipped.

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"So things are going well, right?" Ken related to TK as they slowly went down the hall. "I'm thinking there might be some sort of spark here, maybe."

"A week on campus and you're already getting it on?" TK questioned, glancing over at him. "Not bad."

"Well, somehow, our conversation turns to fictional superheroes." Ken continued. "She asks me 'if I could be any fictional superhero, who would I be?'" Ken sighed. "I wasn't thinking, and I said 'god.'"

TK snorted, keeling over slightly, before turning the corner in the hallway to the right. "You're kidding, right?"

"I kid you not." Ken said sadly. "I accidentally said god. So then, she just...froze. After a minute, she started...crying, or screaming, I couldn't tell."

"Hell of a story." TK said indifferently.

"It's not funny!" Ken spat, eye twitching. "I couldn't understand a damn thing she said, and then she just...ran away." He gestured off down the hall with his left arm in a rough sign of someone running away. "It's a shame."

"It'd be boring to find someone steady this early in the college experience." TK reasoned. "Don't worry about it."

"Yeah, I guess." Ken said listlessly.

And then, the pair came across a brown package laying on the floor against one of the dorm room doors. TK looked down at it, then at the bronze numbers along the center of the light green door.

"Eighty four...that's Davis, isn't it?" TK asked.

"Yeah." Ken answered, bending down to look at the small box, which was about the size of a loaf of bread. "Here." He pointed at the top of the box, which showcased the name _Davis Motomiya_ on the 'receiver' portion of the label.

TK raised his fist up to the door and rapped on it four times. Ken picked the box up, holding it in his two hands delicately.

After a few seconds of waiting, the doorknob turned and the door swung inwards. Davis stood in the threshhold, wearing a blue overcoat and slim fit black jeans.

"Package." Ken said simply, presenting the box over to Davis, who eagerly grabbed it.

"Alright! It's here!" He enthused, turning around in a whirl of blue fabric and heading over to the kitchen counter. TK and Ken followed.

As was the nature of college dorm rooms, this one was much the same as TK's, or any other in the college. The kitchen was just to the left after entering, with the fridge at the very top corner and plain white counterspace going from just to the left of it's side to the corner of the room, then down the adjacent wall for a couple of meters. An island completed the kitchen, decked out in black and white tiles along the side.

Davis placed the box on this island, running his right index fingernail down the center of the label.

"What did you order?" TK asked, watching the box as Davis pulled the cardboard flaps open.

"It's an experimental drug from South Africa." Davis explained casually, pulling out a large plastic bottle from the box and setting it on the countertop. The bottle was made of clear plastic so the sickly brown substance inside could be easily seen.

Ken's brow lowered as he looked at the bottle and the contents inside. "How...experimental?"

"Well, they can't get enough funding to mass produce it or...work out the little problems. No one with money is interested in backing the little guys, but they are geniuses!" Davis insisted, pulling a small slip of paper from the box as well. "Lemme see here..."

"Don't you think there might be a very good reason for that?" TK asked, staring at the bottle.

"Just because the big guys won't back them doesn't mean they're not great." Davis reasoned dismissively. "Anyway, this stuff is going to guaran-damn-tee me an A in every class this semester."

TK folded his arms over his chest and looked at Davis skeptically. "What, does it enhance your brain?"

"No." Davis said, grabbing the bottle and picking at a closed nozzle on the lid. "It's an incredibly potent energy drink, so to speak."

"How potent are we talking?" Ken said, showing signs of being at least partially interested.

"One teaspoon of this stuff will keep an average sized human awake and alert for twenty-four hours." Davis said, causing Ken's eyes to pop wide.

"Jesus." Ken said under his breath as Davis turned the nozzle to the left, opening it up. "Sounds like a nasty crash though."

"It would be, but not if you keep taking it." Davis said, pulling open a drawer in the island at his waist filled with silverware. He began digging through the contents.

"Wait." TK said, holding his hands up near his head, palms out. "You're gonna take this stuff _constantly_?"

"Yup." Davis said, as if he was responding to a comment on the weather. "I'll never have to sleep, ever. That's eight more hours per day then I had before. A thirty-three percent increase in the time I have to study!" He pulled a teaspoon out from the drawer. "Here we are."

"And...you're not worried about potential side effects of this...experimental...and clearly illegal...substance?" Ken asked flatly, his eyes narrowing in disbelief.

"Meh." Davis responded, bringing the spoon up to the nozzle of the bottle. "Throw up a few times, get stomach cramps...who gives a damn? I'll take eight extra hours any day of the week." He squeezed out a small bit of the liquid into the spoon until it's concave surface was full to the brim.

"Davis...do you really think-" TK started, but Davis quickly crammed the spoon into his mouth and sucked the liquid off, swallowing it before anyone could possibly do anything.

"Hey, we are talking about the opportunity to read chapters twice, triple-check math problems, and write fourth drafts of reports!" Davis said, chucking the spoon into the sink across the kitchen, which landed in the metal bowl with a loud clank. "I'll accept the risks."

"Whatever." TK said, shrugging and spinning around on his heel. "Alright, I gotta run."

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lounge was packed tonight, with some very excited college students celebrating surviving the first day of class of the school year. TK, Kari, Davis and Ken were all crowded together on the same couch in the middle of the action. Young adults of all shapes and sizes were sharing in loud conversation, nachos, and sodas. No one conversation could be singled out, it all melded together into an unorganzied chorus of talkers. Inspite of the atmosphere, the four managed to squeeze together enough to carry on discussions about the happenings of that day.

Kari was in the middle of relating a story of the English class to everyone else, who leaned in close so as to hear. "So it's the first day of class, and already we've got someone trying to go on a date with Palmela Handerson under a desk." She finished, sitting back heavily against the couch. "Why would anyone do something so stupid?"

"I've killed it in high school classes before." Davis said casually. "But I never got caught, I always hid it under this big jacket I had."

"That's nasty." Kari replied, folding her arms over her chest. "Why would anyone choke the chicken in the middle of class?"

Ken and TK looked at each other uncomfortably. Ken licked his lips slowly, then opened his mouth. "Kari, I-"

"Ken...may I?" TK asked. Ken gave a quick short nod. "Kari, where was this guy sitting in relation to you?" An elbow bonked him in the back of the skull, causing him to pitch forward and raise his right hand up to rub it gingerly.

"Umm..." Kari recalled the scene in her mind, closing her eyes as she did so, "...two rows behind me, one to the right." She finally settled on.

"There you go." TK said, leaning back into the leather couch.

"I'm...not following." Kari said dimly.

"C'mon Kari." Ken followed up on what TK had said. "It's obvious."

Kari suddenly went very red and clapped her hand over her mouth. "Oh you don't think-"

"I don't think." TK cut her off, looking down at her slender, shapely legs. "I know. There's no other reason to climb the eiffel tower in the middle of a college class."

"Oh, crap!" She exclaimed, slamming the back of her head against the couch. "Great! Now I feel like damaged goods."

"Really?" Davis inquired, going slightly red himself. He started to bite his lower lip lightly, eyes rotating away from the group and at a pair of men up near the drink bar engaged in some sort of drinking contest with an odd concoction of various house variety sodas.

Kari stared at Davis incredulously, her eyes narrowing into slits. "Davis..." She said warningly.

Davis glanced at her and gave a strangled, forced smile, then looked away again quickly, eyes darting to a couple of well-dressed individuals sitting at a table and conversing over black laptops.

"Logically, there's no other reason to do that in the middle of a class." TK explained as Kari buried her face in her hands.

"I'm gonna kick that kid's ass next time I see him." Kari murmured. "So...how was_ your_ day?" She looked around at the three boys, indicating she meant any of them.

"Eh." TK said nonchalantly, shrugging. "Classes, you know. What I expected. Boring, introductory stuff."

"I'm getting a hell of a vibe." Ken said, nodding his head slowly. "There was this trio of chicks in my Biology class, in the back. I was getting winks and looks and everything. They were into me." Suddenly, a large man, having been pushed backwards by another accidentally, fell backwards onto Ken haphazardly. The pair of bodies were tangled up as panic followed the incident, with Ken guarding his face and the man struggling to get back up.

"Sorry." He grunted before rolling back onto his feet and walking away.

"This is retarded." Davis said bluntly. "Can we go up to one of the rooms?"

"Alright." TK slowly pushed himself off the couch into a standing position and began to weave his way through various bodies. "Follow me!" He cried.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"So, anyway," Ken started, the group now within the much saner atmosphere of TK's dorm room. TK leaned against the wall opposite the front door, Kari seated neatly on the couch, Ken curled up on the fat chair, and Davis seated on the edge of TK's bed. "what I found odd was these girls were...seated together, right? Like, all in the same row. And they were all obviously into me." He sucked his cheeks in for a second before continuing. "So I was expected some sort of catfight to go down, right? But they didn't even seem to care."

TK put his hand up to his lower lip, picking at a bit of loose skin. "You don't say?" He said absentmindedly.

"They probably didn't see each other." Davis reasoned. "Or they're just screwing with you."

"Yeah, I thought that." Ken responded. "It wouldn't be the first thing that failed to translate from Japan to America in my life."

"What're you talking about?" Kari asked quickly, looking up at him.

"I can't find any work." Ken replied, shrugging. "Remember back in Japan? I was getting more calls than I knew what to do with...I assumed it'd be the same over here, but-"

"Hair." Davis interrupted, staring at Ken's blue hair as he said it.

Everyone turned to him in a whirl of three heads. Ken's hand unconsciously went up to touch his head and stroke his fingers through his hair. "What about it?" He asked.

"I think it's obvious." Davis said, shrugging. "You have blue hair. Blue hair isn't considered natural or normal in America. So they don't take you seriously, and don't give you jobs." Davis explained.

Ken tugged at the hair around his ears nervously, looking at Davis moodily. "You can't be serious."

"I think he's right." TK intervened. "That would explain the two job offers you did get. People associate blue hair with Japan, and they associate Japan with hentai and crazy sex and crap. That's why you got the offers for the ads involving...that."

"Well...that's just crazy." Ken continued to insist, running both hands through his hair repeatedly now. He looked at Kari desparately. "You don't think-"

"You stick out like a nudist in a snowstorm in this country." She said flatly.

Ken's mouth curved into a grimace. He stood up hurriedly. "But...I love my hair!" He squeaked. "How dare these pigs discriminate against me because they're jealous of my hair!" He tugged at the sides of his hairdo.

"Culture clash. It's a bitch." TK said calmly. "It's okay, I'm sure doing ads for seedy porno shops for the rest of your life isn't a tenth as bad as it sounds."

"Or he could just dye it." Kari said offhand, looking up at his dark blue hair.

"Ooooo." Davis breathed, looking away from the group, towards the entrance door.

"What?" Kari asked, looking at Davis.

"Yeah...you don't wanna go there." Davis said quickly.

"I can't do that!" Ken squealed, grabbing his head. "It's part of who I am! I wouldn't be Ken anymore with black hair!"

"Well, then I guess you can say goodbye to a consistent flow of money." Kari said seedily.

Ken pursed his lips and looked around at everyone. After several seconds, he finally worked a statement out of his throat. "It's not fair!" He moaned.

"Well, life isn't always fair." TK replied, perhaps a bit coldly.

"Tough dilemna." Davis mused, looking up at the ceiling. "I'd dye it, personally. And I love my hair." His right hand reached up to the back of his skull, running his fingers through his hair.

Ken looked around, a confused glare in his eyes, looking as if he was hoping to find the solution in TK's dorm. "You're sure it'll work?" He asked no one in particular.

"Yeah, sure." TK said comfortingly. "Dye it black and you'll be rolling in modeling job offers."

Ken heaved a great sigh, nodding resignedly. "I guess I'll...have to."

TK smirked and walked up behind Ken slowly. "Or, you could always get a job at Mickey Ds." He said tauntingly, watching the shiver go up Ken's spine at the words. "Hanging back there in the kitchens, with all the other sweaty pubescent kids trying to hold down a job." He raised his hands up to his chest and began clenching then in and out. "There's grease all over everything, and by the end of a shift, you're _covered _in the stuff." Ken turned around slowly, looking at TK with a horrified expression. "And the smell...oh, the smell. Meat patties, french fries, deep fryers, going, going, all day, every day, non-stop-"

"Shut up!" Ken screamed, throwing his hands over his ears and spinning around to run towards the door. "Shut up shut up shut up!" He continued as he bolted for the door, threw it open, and took off madly down the hall.

"That man's hatred for fast food truly knows no bounds." TK waxed poetically. "Alright, so..." he reached down with his left hand for his right wrist and pulled his blazer's cuff back, glancing down at his watch as the fabric unfurled to reveal a timepiece. "...I'm gonna watch a movie or something and then hit the sack."

Davis scoffed. "Sleep." He said disdainfully. "For the weak!" He pumped his fist as he turned around and headed for the door himself. "I'm going to see if there are any twenty-four hour stores that have arcade machines."

TK and Kari watched as he swung around the doorframe and out into the hall. Kari looked up at TK as he walked over to the couch and plopped down next to her.

"So you don't have work or anything?" Kari asked as he grabbed the remote on the end table to the right of the couch.

"Nah, I've got enough money put away to not have to worry about pursuing every lead." He said offhand.

Kari's eyes narrowed for a split second before opening back up to normal at this uncalled-for cheapshot. "I meant schoolwork."

"Not really, we pretty much spent all day going over syllabuses." He gestured with his hands in front of him outwards exasperatedly. "I don't know why, they seem to think we're incapable of reading."

"I'm pretty clear too." Kari reasoned. "Can I watch with you?"

"You better not whine about my movie choice." TK warned as he pointed the remote at the television and began pressing buttons, manipulating the screen to showcase blackness, which slowly melted into a _Lions Gate Entertainment_ logo.

"What is it?" She asked warily, watching the screen closely as further logos began to appear.

"Saw." TK answered.

"Oh, a documentary?" She asked naively. "Like, a history of saws or something?" 

"Yeah." TK replied, not really listening.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The night was cold and seemed to stretch on into eternity. The wind howled cruelly. Ken could hear dogs barking off in the distance. An assortment of cars were laid out in the Campus parking lot, and yet others would zoom by on the street.

Ken took in a deep breath of polluted air and began the trek across the asphalt of the parking lot.

"Alright, Ken. You can do this." He said to himself. "Walk in, grab the box, ring it up, pay for it, and walk out. They're professionals, they won't judge you, they don't care. They get people who use hair dye every day!"

"Who you talkin to?"

Ken spun around hastily, his nerves very jumping owing to the dark atmosphere. Standing a few meters away from him was one of the girls from his Biology class that had been seemingly interested in him. Curiously, she was clad in a red-and-black checkered robe and slippers. It clashed with her blonde hair terribly, but Ken got the feeling she didn't care. Ken towered perhaps a foot above her, something that Ken was always turned on by. Having grown up in Japan, the concept of the 'skinny white girl' was relatively foreign to him, so he found the girl's style to be original.

"Oh...nobody." He said quickly, smiling awkwardly, running his right hand through his hair. "Just...y'know, talking."

"Sounds fun." She replied sardonically, crossing her arms over her chest. "What's your name?"

"Ken. Ken Ichijouji." Ken replied truthfully, nodding. "You?"

"Sara Henderson." She replied simply. "And I've tracked you down here to make you an offer you can't refuse."

"Really now?" Ken said promiscuously. "Go on."

"Come with me and find out." She said, winking. She spun around and began walking back towards the dorm complex. Ken watched her shapely rear wiggle as she walked away, then pursed his lips.

Slowly, he reached up for his jacket inside pocket and pulled out a small, black cellphone. His right thumb pressed a smooth button along the side and held the front up to his mouth.

"TK, I've got a Code thirty four with a Sara Henderson. If I do not beep you in half-hour intervals starting as of now, something is wrong." He whispered into the speaker. He then slipped the black object back into the inside of his jacket and began to give pursuit of the girl.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"So you wanna get started?" Sara asked Ken almost immediately after the pair had strolled into the dorm room.

Ken's eyes went wide at the sight. Dressed in similar robes were the two other girls that had been hitting on Ken, both sitting on either side of the bed. Laying down on the bed inbetween the two girls was a male he didn't recognize, also wearing a robe and slippers.

To the delight of his growing manhood, the two girls were also as short as the first, perhaps around five feet tall. Variety came in the form of hair color, as these two bore black and brown hair respectively. Otherwise, they could have passed for triplets. The man was relatively large and buff, with chestnut hair that was short and curled. He also had a small mustache on his upper lip, in the toothbrush style.

The room was filled with an assortment of lit scented candles. On either side of the bedpost, on small end tables, a trio of red decorative candles flickered and danced. The room smelled powerfully of mangos and peaches thanks to them. The coffee table and kitchen counter were similarly bearing an assortment of candles. Also present on the coffee table, in neat little rows, were white lotion bottles with various writings on the labels.

"I'm...sorry. Started with what?" Ken asked uncomfortably, his eyes darting from strange object to strange object.

"You know..." Sara trailed off. "...you're into it, right?"

Something clicked inside Ken's head, and his face flashed into a look of utter mortification. "Oh, you-" his eyes darted around to Sara. "-what made you think that?!" He asked.

Her face fell slightly. "Your hair." She responded simply, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You japs love this stuff, right?"

Ken rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Ermm..." Slowly, he looked back over at the bed at the three individuals on it. "Well..."

"Well, come on, out with it!" The brunette demanded.

Ken winced. "So...you guys want me to..." his brow furled as he tried to choose his words, "...join in?"

"That's the idea." The man on the bed droned.

Ken wrinkled his nose, looking around at everyone. "I won't have to...umm..." he pointed awkwardly at the man.

"If you don't want to." The black-haired woman replied.

"Is this _legal?_" He dared to inquire.

"Absolutely!" Sara insisted.

"Well...this is very flattering." Ken said, going slightly red.

"Hey, you in or you out?" The man said bluntly.

Ken put his right hand up to his mouth, rubbing his lips in thought. After a few seconds, he dramatically reached for his jacket lapels and ripped it off, letting it flutter to the ground behind him.

"Let's make some magic." He said majestically, smirking.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

The toaster emitted a loud _chunk_ as two pieces of toast jumped out of the metallic slot. TK neatly grabbed them and threw them down onto his empty white plate.

The doorknob was violently jerked and the door pulled open. Ken slid energetically in, clad in a black and red checkered robe of his own. He spun around on his toe in a fully three-sixty, then continued to spin all the way over to TK's couch.

TK raised an eyebrow at this odd behavior. "What's up?"

"Oh...nothing." He said in a singsong voice. "Me and miss Sara just hit it off."

"Nice." TK enthused. "You could knock though." He pulled the lid off the brown butter tub just to the right of his toast. "Weren't you going to dye your hair?"

Ken looked at TK as if he had insulted his mother. "TK, I would _never_ die my hair. Never, not in a thousand years. I..._love_ this hair." He ran his fingers through it.

TK squinted his eyes at Ken. "What happened last night?"

"TK, my boy. There exists a class of people in the world, an elite class, if you will. These people are hard to find, and even harder to join. But...my friend, this-" he pointed at his hair with his right index finger, "-is an admission ticket into this class."

"You feeling okay?" TK asked uncaringly.

"I have never, ever, felt better in my entire life!" Ken insisted, vaulting the backrest of the couch and sitting up on the cushions. "Last night, Sara invited me into a...world of pleasures most men dare not dream of."

"Little floozy, don't you think?" TK said offhand, picking up a plastic knife and dipping it into the tub with a scooping motion.

"Oh, TK." Ken said, looking over the backrest at him. "In this world, there's no such thing as being floozy."

"That sounds nice." TK said casually. "So, how did it go in this...imaginary world."

"It's only imaginary to the ignorant, such as yourself." Ken replied tartily. "Sara took me up to her room last night, and the other two girls were there as well."

"You mean from the Biology class?" TK asked without really indicating he cared, spreading butter on his toast now.

"Yeah. Linda and Katie." Ken responded dreamily. "There was a guy too. Mark."

Suddenly, TK's expression went stony as he slowly looked up from his toast and at Ken. His grip on his knife went very taut, his knuckles going white around the plastic grip. "Ken..." he said hoarsely. "Do you mean that-"

"Yes, TK! Yes, I do mean that!" He clapped his hands together loudly. "Me and these four individuals got very acquainted with each other last night, through the art of...the orgy." He finished dramatically.

TK stared at Ken unbelievingly for several seconds, as his grip unconsciously loosened on the knife and it slipped through his fist. The clank of it hitting the counter woke him up.

"Ken, say it ain't so..." he said weakly.

"Oh, it's so." Ken responded energetically. 'It's _very_ so."

TK glared at Ken for another few seconds, then reached to his left across the counter for a frying pan. He grabbed the handle and held the pan up by his face, ready to strike. "Get out." He commanded flatly, even as he moved around the kitchen island towards the couch slowly.

"What's your problem?" Ken asked carefreely, still smiling.

"Get out." TK repeated again, now out from behind the island and moving towards him.

Ken's smile went flat. "What? Are you jealous?" He slowly stood up off the couch, not taking his eyes off TK.

"Ken, don't you get it?!" TK exclaimed. "You are now an orgy person! Orgy people and non-orgy people can't be friends! They're incompatible!" He slowly put the frying pan down to his side. "I'm sorry, but when you willingly took part in that sick sexfest last night, you became a completely different person, and that person is incompatible with all your old friends!"

"TK, I'm...surprised at you!" Ken managed, putting his hands on his hips.

"Your lifestyle has to completely change now, and that includes getting new friends!" TK said seriously. "Now get out!" He gestured towards the door.

"Bull, I'm still Ken." Ken replied, moving towards the door, not taking his glaring eyes off TK's frying pan.

"No, you are not!" TK replied emphatically. "You walked into that girl's apartment, you were Ken!" He kept moving towards him, pushing him to get out of the dorm room. "But now, you are Orgy Ken! And Orgy Ken can not be friends with TK! Do you understand?"

Ken shook his head in disbelief and stormed towards the door. "You know what you are, TK?" He snarled, stopping in the threshhold and turning back to TK. "You're an anti-orgite!" With that, he stormed back into his apartment and slammed the door.

"I am _not_ an anti-orgite!" TK insisted, yelling at the closed door. "This is just how things have to be! Orgy people and non-orgy people must be segregated!" He shook his head. "Jesus!" He went back over to the kitchen island and started shoving toast down his throat angrily.

A few seconds later, Kari swung through the open door, carrying a large cardboard box in both hands that looked like it might have once held a jumbo television. "Hey TK, check it out." She said quickly, bringing the box over to him.

TK peered down in it to find an assortment of string, covered in aluminum that had been pointed sharp at several locations, had been strung through the box in a complex web. A small area in the upper right corner was fenced off by two wooden slats and string-free. A small hole in one of the slats, that might have been big enough for a small mouse to crawl through, provided an entrance to the sharp string maze. Across the box, in the opposite corner, there was a small door in the cardboard.

"What the hell is it?" TK asked gruffly, holding a piece of toast in his right hand as he reached down into the box with his left.

"Don't touch it!" Kari warned. TK quickly pulled his hand out at this. "It's a recreation of the razor wire trap from last night!" She said. "I couldn't sleep last night because I was too excited, so I built this!"

"I don't know why you liked it so much." TK said tonelessly, turning back to his plate.

"Oh, it was _brilliant!_" She enthused, clapping her hands in front of her face and recalling it. "I loved it! You didn't?" 

"It was okay." He said without emotion, shrugging. "I can't believe you watched the whole thing."

"I would have never forgiven myself if I didn't!" She said enthusiastically. "I'm gonna try and find some mice later today and see if they can get through it."

"That's sick." TK said, nose wrinkling. "At least do it with a snake, or some kind of...nasty animal."

"Maybe I will." She replied. "I'm gonna show this to Ken-" she started to turn around, but TK grabbed her shoulder.

"No, you're not." TK said darkly.

"Why?" She asked, slowly turning back to face him.

TK took a deep, calming breath, closing his eyes. "Ken has fallen to the orgy side of the sex drive." He said flatly, slowly turning away from Kari.

Kari froze, her eyes going wide. The cardboard box slipped from her hands and fell to the ground at her feet, just in front of her toes.

"_No..._it can't be." She said in barely more than a whisper, her hands trembling.

"He admitted to it mere moments ago." TK said, his voice tired and scratchy. "Boasted about it, even. Last night, he went to a girl's dorm room and engaged in acts...unspeakable." He shuddered. "The orgy side of the sex drive is a pathway to many pleasures some consider to be unnatural." He spoke deeply. "I'm afraid our friend was baited by the promise of these...pleasures."

"How could this have happened?" Kari replied meekly, her lip starting to quiver.

"Twisted by the orgy side, Ken has been." TK answered. "He's dead to all of us now. In fact, he is no longer Ken."

Kari looked around the dorm room frantically. "Was he in here?!" She asked panickedly.

TK nodded solemnly, slowly placing the toast into his mouth. Kari squealed and grabbed the cardboard box, quickly backing up out of the room.

"My god, I can feel his orgy germs everywhere!" She hissed.

"I'll have to disinfect the place." TK muttered. "And get a new couch."

"Screw that!" Kari exclaimed, turning around and looking at Ken's dorm room door with apprehension. "You're gonna have to move!"

"I'm not moving." TK said defiantly, looking up slightly at an angle. "That would be letting him win."

"You're a very brave man." Kari breathed, sidling away down the hall. "I can barely go on living knowing he lives down the hall from me."

"Somehow, I can't help but feel I might be responsible." TK said gravely, still staring off into space. "I could have done more, I'm sure of it."

"Me too." Kari's head hung over on her chest slightly, and she started to sniffle.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So he's doing orgies now. Who gives a damn?" Davis had the audacity to ask, reaching into TK's fridge on the 2nd shelf from the top for a soda.

In a whirl, TK slammed the door shut on Davis as hard as he could, slamming the shelves that made up the door into his side. Quickly, he spun out from the path of the door's arc, rubbing his side gingerly.

"What the hell was that?!" Davis hissed.

"I refuse to serve drinks to an...orger symphathizer!" TK shouted. "You're either with us, or against us!"

"Do we really have to use nasty slurs?" Davis questioned, raising an eyebrow. "They're just people, like us."

"No, no, no!" TK said, pounding his fist into the counter. "Davis, you don't understand-" 

"TK." Kari held her hand up from her seat on the fat chair. "If I may." She then looked straight at Davis. "Davis, I'm going to teach you a lesson. You're not gonna like it, but you'll thank me one day."

Davis gave a small indifferent shrug.

"Go into Ken's room, and socialize with him. Ask to watch a movie with him or something. Help with homework, whatever. If you can stand being in his presence for one straight hour, I will have sex with you."

As was the nature of men, this caught Davis's attention like a bug zapper catches the attention of a bug. "I'm sorry...what?" He squeaked, going very red.

"That's right." She gave a small smirk, pointing at the door leading out of TK's room. "You go in there, you hang out with him for an hour, I'll do it with you right here on this coffee table." She emphatically pointed at the coffee table in front of her.

"By which she means her coffee table." TK corrected, spinning around and reaching up for one of the cupboards up against the wall.

"Yeah, whatever." She conceded.

"That's it?" Davis said, raising an eyebrow. "No catches?"

"None whatsoever." Kari said, sweeping her hand out.

Davis gave an awkward smile. "Alright, fine." He turned towards the door. "I'll do you one better. I'll hang out with him for two hours." He strolled up to the door casually and grabbed the knob.

"You do that, I'm open to public places." Kari murmured.

"You mean like the courtyard?" Davis said unbelievingly, hand frozen midtwist of the knob.

"If that's what you want." She said indifferently, shrugging and looking away.

"Whoo." Davis wheezed. "I'm almost afraid to ask what's the stakes for three hours."

"You pull three hours, I'll _marry_ you." She said emphatically.

"Oh, mama!" Davis whistled, twisting the door open. "I'll see you guys in three hours." He ended cockily, sliding through the door after pulling it open.

"That's just cruel." TK stated emotionlessly. "Poor bastard."

"Orger symphathizers have to learn the hard way." She said, finality in her voice, as she folded her arms across her chest.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Davis knocked casually on Ken's door with his right fist, leaning against the left part of the doorframe.

"Easiest bet I've ever been in." He said to himself.

The door swung open, revealing Ken, dressed in the red-and-black checkered robe and slippers again. He nodded to acknowledge Davis's presence and moved out of the way so he could be admitted into his dorm.

Slowly, almost in awe, Davis walked in, looking around at the unfamiliar room. It was dark and shadowy now, opposed to the professionality it once exuded. All along the kitchen counter and all over the coffee table, there were assorted lotions and multicolored candles. The bedspread glowed a translucent green in the dark. A slow, funky, techno beat was quietly playing in the background.

"Like what I've done with the place?" Ken asked rhetorically, standing behind Davis as he examined his surroundings.

"Yeah...it's nice." Davis replied, nibbling on his lower lip.

"So what's up?" Ken asked silkily.

"Nothing much." Davis replied, still looking around slowly. "You wanna...go out and do something?" He asked hopefully.

"Oooo...I better not." Ken said, drenching his voice in sex. "I've got company coming."

"Company...huh." Davis wheezed. "Who?"

"Some friends." Ken replied, spinning over to the fridge. "Well, not yet, but I hear they're nice people. That's good enough for me." He grabbed the fridge's handle and yanked it open.

"That's a...friendly attitude." Davis settled on. "What're you guys gonna do?"

Ken reached into the fridge, and came out holding what appeared to be a large green wine bottle. "Well, with any luck, we'll be doing quite a bit." He cocked an eyebrow at Davis. "If you get my meaning."

Davis gave a nervous chuckle. "I think so." He croaked.

"They'll be here any minute." Ken smirked at Davis, who tried to look away. "You in?"

"Umm...no thanks." Davis said, starting to rub his hands over his arms as if chilled.

"You alright?" Ken asked, licking his lips.

"Yeah..." Davis replied shakily. "It's weird...it's like there's something...crawlin all over me..." he began to rub his arms faster. "...i can't shake it."

"I don't see anything except a man who's...very deprived." Ken said smoothly, looking Davis over up and down.

Davis took an unconscious step back.

"Are you sure you don't wanna jump in?" Ken ran his right hand's fingers through his hair.

"Yeah, I really don't think-"

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. Ken's attention jumped to it, and he began to move towards it.

"That would be them." He explained. "You wanna watch?" Without warning, he reached for the band around his waist and yanked at it. The loose knot at the front was untied easily from the yank, and then he simply shrugged the robe off.

Davis threw his hands over his face, luckily right before his lower region was exposed, and bolted for the door, screaming at the top of his lungs.

"JESUS CHRIST!" He managed to say coherantly as he grabbed the knob, jerked it, and ran blindly through four people clad in robes waiting on the other side. Shoving a short bald man rudely to the side, he threw himself against the door to TK's dorm, twisting the knob roughly, and fell in.

"Fifty seconds." TK said casually, looking down at his wristwatch as he saw Davis dive in. Davis looked up in horror at TK, leaning against the back wall. Kari was still seated on the fat chair, just as she had been when she left.

Davis slowly fell over to his knees, sniffling. "It was...horrible!" He wheezed. "There were...lotions, and music, and...and he was naked, and...oh, jeez!" He fell face-first to the floor, starting to cry.

"It's okay." TK said soothingly, slowly moving towards him. "It's okay. The important thing is you learned something."

"He wasn't human!" Davis squealed. "He had absolutely no sense of shame whatsoever!"

"I know." TK said in his best deep voice. "They're all like that. This is a lesson all people must learn about orgers. Do you understand now?"

"Yes, yes!" Davis moaned through tears. "I understand! I get it!"

"Good." TK nodded sagely.

Davis suddenly stopped crying and looked up hopefully at Kari. "Any chance at a booby prize for fifty seconds?"

"You can have anything from the bottom shelf." She said sardonically.

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"Euuugghhh..." Davis sounded, looking around at the crowds of people filing through the courtyard. His hands were clenching back and forth into fists like a beating heart contracts and expands. His eyes were small and seedy, his expression nervous. "Everywhere I look, everyone I see, I keep thinking 'that person could be an orger'." He whined.

"I know the feeling." TK replied, slipping inbetween a pair of short, stocky students as he walked right behind Davis. "The unfortunate truth is the feeling never leaves you. You just learn to deal with it."

"If you ask me, they should all be required to wear some sort of symbol." Kari added, walking behind TK. "Like, something they have to sew onto all their clothing."

"You're not thinking big enough." TK objected. "I want them to be branded. Right on the forehead."

"The symbol could be like one of those insignias that's on bathroom doors, but with two chicks and a dude doing it." Davis reasoned.

"No, that's a threesome." TK explained. "You need five or more people for an orgy."

"I guess fivesome doesn't flow off the tongue very well." Kari reasoned.

"Oh my god, it's him." Davis said in a hoarse whisper, pointing up the path and to the right.

Kari and TK followed his finger to Ken, sitting on a bench, a short black woman with black ponytails on his left and a short arabian girl with long flowing black hair on his right.

"Don't look at them." TK said sternly, marching ahead. "Don't make eye contact, don't acknowledge that they exist. Just keep moving, and act like you can't hear them."

The group continued through the sea of people, trying to not look at Ken and his two, admittedly beautiful, companions. They looked down at their feet and followed the concrete path and evaded any other pairs of feet in their path.

After several seconds, they heard Ken's catcalls. "Hey, guys! Why don't you join us?! We're gonna experiment in a hot tub tonight!"

An icy cold chill ran up TK's spine, and he gave a shiver that nearly knocked him into a passing teacher. Reflexively, against his own advice, he looked up at the trio.

Now that he was just a few feet away, he could make out perhaps the most horrifying thing of all. Right under Ken's nose, and above his mouth, a toothbrush-style blue mustache could be easily seen. TK stared at the bushy clump of hair in terror, winced, and then turned away and began massive strides down the path.

"Did you see that...monstrosity on his face?" Kari whispered after they passed. "It's horrifying."

"It looks like something...crawled onto his upper lip and died." Davis concurred.

"I'll see you guys after class." TK said hurriedly, taking larger and larger strides. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

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"Alright Alfred." Kari said, almost sounding kind and caring as she held the small field mouse by the tail in midair. It danced around furiously with it's hands and body, trying to shake free, but to no avail. "It's the taste test torture for you." Carefully, she lowered the unfortunate mouse into the large cardboard box at her feet. On either side of it were two other cardboard boxes, each holding a rat of their own attempting to get through a surprisingly well-built trap.

"Okay." TK said loudly, standing next to the running microwave. "First of all...you name them before you kill them?"

"I don't kill them." Kari replied simply. "I put them into tough situations, and they're stupid enough to kill themselves."

"They're _mice_, Kari. You know they're dumb." TK responded, staring inside the microwave window. "It's sick, it really is, do you have to do that in my room?"

"I wanted to show you my new trap." She said proudly. "You see, I've divided the box up into six different segments." She pointed down into the box she had just put Alfred in. "I start the mouse in the one near the top left. At the bottom right, there's a compartment with a door to freedom. However, the door will not open for another twenty-four hours."

TK rolled his eyes. "Jesus Christ." He muttered, still looking into the microwave.

"Each room contains a small pellet of food. If he rations things well, he has just enough to survive. However, each room also contains a dozen poisonous pellets that are look exactly the same as the food pellets. So the mouse has to use his nose to figure out which is which. The smell difference is negligible, but a mouse with a good nose should be able to figure it out." She held up her right index finger. "And that isn't all. Once he goes from one compartment to another, the door behind him closes, and he can't go back. There is only one path that goes from the start to the finish, and if he were to go the wrong way, he'd be trapped in one room forever."

"When do you, like, study?" TK asked. "Like, for school?"

"Oh, these don't take that long to build." She replied dismissively. "Anyway, the correct sequence of rooms is indicated by colors on the doors. You have to follow the color pattern of a rainbow to get out."

"Kari, goddammit, it's a rat!" TK exclaimed, pounding his fist on the counter next to the microwave. "It's barely smart enough to remember anything, how's it gonna figure something like that out?"

"Well, it better get smart fast." Kari said dryly. Suddenly, a small alarm went off on her watch. She looked down at the timepiece, nodding slowly. "Alright then." She peered down into the box on her left. "Sorry Nester. You didn't make it." She picked up a small block of wood and slid it up against the side of the box, covering the would-be door.

Slowly, TK walked over to the boxes and dared a peak inside the one on her left. His spine shook madly at the sight of a mouse, inching millimeter-by-millimeter through a maze of razor wire that had already been drenched in blood by previous mice. It was caught up in a tight series of the string, bleeding profusely, and squealing madly.

TK wrinkled his nose, and looked up at Kari. "I don't think we can be friends anymore." He said nervously.

"Oh, come on!" She insisted, waving her hand through the air. "It's innocent experimenting! And they're just mice."

"Yeah?" TK said, standing up straight and putting his hands on his hips. "Well what happens when you build a life sized version of one of these? Are you gonna see me sound asleep one night and do some 'innocent experimenting?'"

"Gimme a break." She insisted, looking down into the box in front of her. "It'd be someone I don't know."

The door swung open, revealing a still-mortified Davis standing in the threshhold. As if a zombie, he clambered in. "I can't get it out of my head." He said immediately. "That...thing on his face this afternoon...it's terrible!"

"We should expect people, once they turn to the orgy side, to do some...questionable things." TK explained solemnly.

"I'm still trying to get over my attempted socialization two weeks ago!" Davis exclaimed. "And now this?!"

The microwave beeped, prompting TK to go back to it, taking his attention away from Kari's sick little games.

"I miss him." Kari admitted. "I do wish he'd come back to being regular Ken." She frowned. "We had such a nice thing going as a quartet. Without Ken, I feel like we're...The Beatles without Paul."

"Such a conversion is nearly unheard of." TK said, removing a hot pocket from the micro on a small white plate. "Do not speak of such a thing again."

"You don't suppose maybe we could-" Davis started, but then stopped for no apperant reason.

After several seconds of strange silence, TK and Kari looked up at him. He was standing straight up, his hands in his pockets, but his eyes were closed and his face was drooping. Pursing his lips, TK walked over to the suddenly inanimate Davis.

"Yo." He said, moving up in front of him. "Hellloooo." He sang, snapping his fingers in front of Davis's face. "Yo!" He shouted, pushing his shoulder.

Davis's hands jumped out of his pockets and took up some sort of karate stance in front of him as his eyes snapped back open. As soon as he got his bearing, he relaxed.

"Davis...are you sure that drug is working?" TK asked skeptically, picking the hot pocket off the plate and taking a bit.

"Absolutely! I'm going through class assignments like Pac-Man goes through dots!" Davis insisted. "I've gotten 98's or higher in every assignment or test I've been given. That's unheard of!" He enthused, walking towards the fridge. "And I have more time than ever to fool around and game!"

"Yes...yes." TK said, not convinced. "Have you ever...blinked, and when you opened your eyes back up, noticed that several hours had passed?"

"Huh?" Davis said dimly, grabbing a small clear drinking glass and pressing it against the water lever inside an alcove on the fridge's left side. "I don't think so. Why?"

"Well..." he pointed at where Davis had taken a short nap, "...you just fell to sleep. Like, right here. You were standing up, talking, and then you just...dozed off."

Davis blinked a few times, staring at TK. "Well, I guess I need to start taking more of it then." He said as if it was nothing, bringing the glass up to his mouth and taking a sip.

"Maybe you should just...drop the whole thing." TK suggested, holding out his hands in pleading fashion.

"Oh no, TK. This is how I live now. This is who I am. I'm gonna do this for the rest of my-" his eyes closed again like a pair of window blinds and didn't reopen.

TK took another bite into his hot pocket, sighed. And walked up to him. "Yo!" He said, pushing him lightly on the chest.

Again, Davis's hands went up into the karate position. This had the negative side effect, as he was holding the glass of water at the time, of splashing the contents of the glass onto his face. He sputtered and shook his head at the sensation as the water drenched his face.

"Davis, I...I'm asking you as a friend to sleep tonight." TK stated. "Just go to your room and lay down, get a good ten hours of sleep. Maybe that'll...reset the cycle."

"Oh...okay." Davis mumbled. "Yeah, alright." He started to slowly walk out of the dorm room. "Yeah, sure."

He walked through the door, made it a few steps out into the hallway, and then collapsed right into the carpet and began to snore.

TK and Kari heard the thump from his fall. Kari jumped up off the couch, rolling over the backrest, and TK set his food down on the counter. Both walked up to the door and peered out into the hall. A few steps away, sure enough, Davis had simply fallen asleep.

"Wait..." TK said eerily, walking over to Davis's body. He pressed his middle and index fingers on his right hand to Davis's neck. After a few seconds, he made a stunning proclamation. "He's...dead."

Kari gasped, putting her hands up to her mouth.

"Wait a minute." TK amended. He looked at his watch, keeping his fingers on Davis's neck. "Wait, I got something..."

Several scary seconds went by before TK spoke again. "His heart's beating at a rate of ten beats per minute." He said gravely.

"So...he may as well be dead." Kari reworded.

"Might be." TK had to admit.

The door to Ken's dorm room swung open, and the very foreign-looking Ken stuck his head around the frame to spot Kari, TK, and the unconscious Davis. Immediately, Kari moved forward, but TK grabbed her right arm and pulled her back to the other side of him.

"I'll handle this." He said gruffly. "Ken, get out of here." He said strongly, standing up straight, looking menacing in his flowing black trenchcoat. "Nothing here for you."

"He's my friend too." Ken hissed through gritted teeth, staring past TK and at Davis's body.

"Was." TK corrected. "You probably caught necrophilia from your freaky little friends and want to try it out."

"My god." Ken said under his breath. "You're the most...anti-orgmatic person I've ever seen!" He pointed accusingly at TK's chest. "Do you have any idea what my people have been through?"

"Your people?" TK said unbelievingly, hands on his hips now. "You've been an orger for two weeks-"

"There you go with the slurs!" Ken said, throwing his hands up in the air. "My people, yes, that's right, my people, have suffered for _years_ because of people like you!"

"You goddamn well deserve to suffer, you sick, perverted freaks!" TK shot back coldly.

"Well look at you!" Ken shouted. "On your little soapbox, preaching about how inferior we are...you're like Hitler! You'd do a great job leading the movement to wide out all orgy people."

TK stared at Ken's mustache, licking his lips. "Soo...inbetween you and me...I'm Hitler?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Oh, very funny!" Ken spat, turning back into his dorm. "Fine! Davis can rot for all I care!" He shut the door hard behind him.

"I'll call 911!" Kari said quickly, moving back towards TK's room. TK caught her with his right hand and prevented her from going past him.

"The narcotic was illegal. This has to be a side effect, if we call 911 Davis gets in serious trouble." TK explained.

"Well...what do we do?" Kari asked, looking around in a panic.

"Let him sleep." TK said, picking Davis up by the shoulders and lifting him into a standing position. "Give him a few...days at the most, he'll be fine." Slowly, he began to drag him back into his dorm. "Get the door, will you?"

"Where's he gonna sleep?" Kari asked, still looking at Davis worriedly.

"I'll let him have the couch." TK responded, dragging him towards the black and white striped three-seater.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

His eyes narrowed into slits, TK stared into the textbook of complicated Math, thinking hard to himself.

"_So if everyone gets to pick a sub-segment of the whole that is meant for a person at random, each person will in turn get a fair share of the whole."_ His mind raced. "_So I could construct a similar scenario where-"_

A knock cracked his thoughts. His head spun around to the door. Grumbling about interruptions, he picked himself off the couch, set the book down on the coffee table, and vaulted the backrest.

He made the trip over to the door and peered through the peephole right at eye level. To his displeasure, Ken was standing on the other side.

"Nothing for you here, perv." He said loudly. "Keep moving."

Ken cleared his throat. "I was wondering if I could borrow some sugar." He said professionally.

TK looked away for a moment, thinking. "How much?" He finally responded.

"Just a cup." Ken replied stiffly.

TK went over to the cabinets to the right of the fridge and opened the one in the middle. He roughly pulled down a white and red bag of sugar and set it down on the counter heavily. He looked around for some sort of measuring tool, then shrugged and grabbed the whole bag.

"Take the whole bag, and don't bother returning it." TK shouted as he approached the door. Apprehensively, TK twisted the knob and let the door swing open on it's hinges.

He stuck the bag out towards Ken robotically, who didn't move to take it. His brow furrowing, he shook the back with a quick jiggle.

Suddenly, Ken fell to his knees and threw himself at TK's legs, nearly inducing cardiac arrest. "Please!" He shouted. "Please, you gotta help me!"

"Don't touch me!" TK shouted, backing up hurriedly from Ken, who started to crawl in after him.

"Please, take me back! I can't do it anymore!" He continued to whine, looking up at TK pleadingly. "I can't take it! It's hard enough pleasuring one girl, but...three, four, five? It can't be done, too much pressure!" He grabbed TK's legs and buried his face in his pants. "Please, help me! I've done a terrible thing, please help!" He started to sob madly.

TK took a deep breath, looking down on the pathetic figure. "You've walked the path for a month now. I'm afraid there's no redemption for you."

"No, please!" Ken begged, hugging around TK's knees. "I'll do anything! Tell me what to do!" He rubbed his face back and forth on the smooth fabric of TK's pants. "I'm sorry, I'll do anything!"

TK started to suck on his lower lip, looking around slowly. "I believe you." TK finally said in his deep voice. "So, I'll will try and bring you back. But you must do whatever I say, and know that should you fall back to the orgy side, there will be no helping you."

"Oh, please!" Ken said, looking up at TK with reverence as he wiped away tears. "Anything to be free of this disgusting lifestyle!"

"Okay." TK looked up at the ceiling. "Burn the robe and slippers, get rid of the candles, the lotions, the music, the...glow in the dark crap, whatever pictures you might have taken, burn whatever clothes you've worn in the past month, take a really cleansing shower, watch a half-hour of one-on-one porno for the next month...and shave that goddamn animal off your lip."

"Oh...thank you!" Ken said, a smile breaking out on his face. "Thank you!" He stood up and spun around, his robe kicking up as he did so. As he ran out as fast as he could, TK caught an unfortunate glimpse of something he would rather have not seen.

"Ugh!" He grunted, putting his hands over his eyes. "Keep the damn mouse in the house!" 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

"So...you're off it, just like that?" Kari snapped her fingers to emphasize the last part, looking up at Ken from behind her large cardboard box that was positioned on the coffee table.

"Oh...yeah..." Ken remarked, running his fingers through his now-black hair. "It got boring, really. It was like...so what? So I took a week off, now I'm done with it."

"Uh-huh." TK said teasingly, pulling a sprite out from the fridge and bumping the door shut. "Boring. Right."

"I heard through the grapevine you participated in a total of forty-two orgies over the month you were...one of them." Davis stated. "Is that true?"

"Eh..." Ken shrugged, flicking some hair out from over his eye. "More or less."

"Damn." Davis whistled. "You were big."

"I'm still big." Ken corrected, leaning back slightly and looking off into space. "It's the orgies that got small."

"Yeah, they weren't the only thing that got a little too small." TK quipped, causing Ken to go red.

"So get this." Kari started. "I rented Hostel 2 last night, and got a great idea for-"

"Kari, please." TK said, holding his right palm up to stop her. "Can you?" He shook his head. "Just when you think you know someone..."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kari questioned, squinting her eyes at TK.

"Well...I've known you for over a decade, and I dated you for four months, but...I never knew you were a sadist." TK explained, sipping from the can after finishing.

"What?!" Kari exclaimed back, standing up to square up to TK. "I'm not a sadist! I'm...an artist!"

"Kari, think of the dictionary definition of sadist." TK requested.

Kari rubbed her chin with her right hand for a second, thinking. Her pupils dilated. "Oh...oh my god!" She exclaimed. "You're right!" She ran back over to the box and peered inside. "Oh, my god, I _am _a sadist!" 

"You needed a dictionary to tell you that?" Ken remarked, smirking slightly.

"I've gotta do something!" She shouted, looking around in a panic. "I don't wanna be a sadist!"

"Alright, alright." TK said, gesturing with his hands for her to calm down. "One moment."

He walked over to the bathroom and disappeared inside it. A minute later, he re-emerged with a large white bottle of pills. He walked over to Kari and presented it to her. She took it in both hands delicately.

"Go rewatch the Saw trilogy and take one of these every half-hour for the duration. Repeat as many times as needed." TK instructed.

Kari's eyes danced over the label. "Induces nasuea and vomiting..." she recited.

"It's the clockwork orange theory." TK referenced.

"That just might work..." Kari commended. "See you tomorrow!" She ran off towards the front door.

"I am such a helping person." TK said freshly. "I lent you my couch for three days while you slept off that drug." He gestured at Davis.

"Yeah, thanks for that." Davis said, going slightly red and rubbing the back of his head. "That whole ordeal was a mistake...I threw the stuff away, never gonna try that again."

"I brought you back from the orgy side." TK pointed at Ken, who nodded gratefully.

"I'll never forget that." Ken added.

"And now, I'm helping Kari." TK finished, folding his arms over his chest and leaning back. "I'm am such a helper."

"Hey, can you proofread my report for grammar errors?" Davis asked, presenting two pieces of paper in TK's direction.

"Do your own damn homework." TK said standoffishly. "I'm going to bed." With that, he spun on his heel and began trekking over to his bed.

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Ken discovers that, thanks to his blue hair, students all across campus assume he's an orgy person. Davis imports an illegal narcotic from South Africa that allows him to never require sleep. TK accidently gets Kari into torture horror movies.


	3. The Blind Date

Chapter 3: The Blind Date

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"Jeez, you don't look so good." Ken commented from just inside the doorframe of TK's apartment. Dressed in a blue blazer and black dress pants and clutching a black attache case, he was looking concernedly at TK.

This was owing to the fact that TK, clad in his usual black trenchcoat and pants and clutching a similar case, was slightly bent over at the back, his eyes were fluttering and drooping, and his skin seemed a bit more pale than usual. "I don't feel so good either." He stated, standing behind the kitchen island.

"What's to not feel good about?" Ken inquired. "The Eagles are five and one, the Mets are getting kicked around by the Dodgers, and we've got midterms in four days!"

"I.R.C." TK responded, the three letter abbreviation instantly explaining his state.

"I thought I told you to get off that." Ken said in a fatherly tone.

"I was on last night around eleven, and was about to get off...then some jackass comes in and starts shooting his mouth off about Full Metal Alchemist. So I start debating with him, it turns into an internet fight, and I know I can't leave or else he'll think he won." TK explained, holding his hands out at his sides to indicate helplessness.

"Obviously this is more important than midterms." Ken replied dryly.

"I hate losing!" TK said defensively. "So anyway...I look up, and bam. It's six thirty."

Ken casually strolled over to the couch across the room. "You'll never make it through a full day of school on no sleep." He chided. "You'll pass out by lunch."

"I've only got one class." TK responded, his eyes dropping as if weighted over his eyeballs. "Contemporary Math."

"Can you make it?" Ken asked, vaulting the back of the couch and landing across the cushions.

The ends of TK's mouth twitched. "I think I can stay awake." He mumbled. "But...crap. We start preparing for midterms this week." He slowly raised a hand to his forehead, rubbing it gently. "I'm not a math guy, I need to concentrate in that class."

"Sucks to be you." Ken said bluntly.

"Thanks alot." TK replied bitterly, rubbing his eyes.

"I'd love to feel sorry for you, but...somehow I can't." Ken replied heavily. "Just don't show up, fake an excuse later when you feel better, and try to talk to the teacher about what you went over."

"No way." TK put his palm out towards Ken, shaking his head. "The teacher don't work like that. According to her, if you miss class it's your problem."

Ken put his right index finger and thumb to his chin for a moment. "Ask a student."

"I don't have any friends in that class." TK lamented. "I'm such a lazy asshole when it comes to socializing."

"That is kinda sad." Ken concurred. "Skip the class and just read the textbook. It can't be that hard to figure it out on your own."

"I told you, I'm not a math person." TK responded, heaving his attache case up onto the kitchen counter and setting it on its side. "I need to be able to interact with someone on this."

"Don't they have a tutoring center?" Ken asked, his eyes squinting as he thought of further ways for TK to get out of this awkward situation.

"That place is worthless for contemporary math. The teacher keeps deviating from the textbook so they can't really help." TK shrugged.

"Approach the best looking girl in the class, ask her out, and convince her to let you see her notes." Ken suggested.

"Hey, I'm not a hooker." TK replied, sounding slightly hurt. "Besides, contemporary math is no way to cozy up to a girl."

"Well, you've gotta do _something._" Ken countered. "You miss one day of class during midterm week and everything gets all screwed up."

TK forced his eyes open with difficulty for a few seconds, and then his eyelids fell back down like drapes. "What else do you got?"

Ken's mouth went tight. "Nada. Either you suck it up and do something you don't wanna do, or you risk screwing midterms."

At that moment, Davis slid down the hallway into view through the door frame. He wore a green cap that bore an fierce looking Eagle head, the logo of the Philadelphia Eagles. In his left hand, held up by his head, he held a small white plastic stick that supported a green pennant, which bore the same swooping eagle head near the tip and 'EAGLES' in large white lettering along the pennant itself. His other hand held an attache case, tinted a strong green with the eagle head depicted on the buckle that held it closed.

"How bout them Eagles?" He said loudly as he sidled into the room, waving the pennant around.

"You're such a parasite." TK said, leaning over to rest his head on his case.

"What? Because I support the home team?" Davis asked, stopping a few feet into the dorm.

"No, because you've lived here for less than two months and you're already acting like you bleed eagle green. You're...leeching onto them shamelessly." TK amended. "Gimme a damn break. You look ridiculous."

"No. Bucs fans look ridiculous. Chiefs fans look ridiculous." Davis retorted. "But I can't possibly look ridiculous, for I root for a winning team!"

"You wanna bet?" TK dared, looking Davis over. "Anyway, I've got bigger problems. I'm on no sleep, and a very important class starts in about twenty minutes!"

"I had problems like that all the time in high school." Davis remarked casually, walking over to the kitchen island and setting his case on it, leaning up against the structure.

"What'd you do?" TK asked quickly, feeling the urge to just fall to sleep on the spot overtake him.

"The audio/video bug." Davis replied. "It was a cool little device I built over the summer once. It looked like an ordinary textbook, but had a hidden camera and bug. I kept the camera on the chalkboard, so anything that was said in class or anything that was written I could have later. When I was more awake and alert at a later date, I'd figure things out."

"It's amazing how intelligent you are when it comes to developing ways to compensate for your own stupidity." Ken said offhand.

"That _is_ good...but I don't have anything like that." TK said resignedly.

"Then do the low-tech version." Davis suggested. "Just copy down everything that gets written on the board, try and write shorthand notes of everything the teacher says that seems important, and worry about understanding it later." Davis looked TK's face over carefully. "You're awake enough for that, aren't you?"

TK slowly nodded. "Yeah...I think I can pull that off. Thanks a bunch." He gave a wan smile as he grabbed his case off the counter and began shuffling towards the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"There are many different types of symmetry." The teacher droned, drawing on the whiteboard with a red marker to emphasize what she was saying. "You have reflection symmetry, which is symmetry with respect to reflections. That is-"

TK was doing his best to write as fast as he could to keep up with her speed of talking, but inspite of his best efforts to remain awake, he felt as if he could just fall over on his notebook and go into dreamland.

_"Goddammit TK, would it kill you to gulp down a bunch of coffee once in awhile?" _He couldn't help but think to himself as he allowed what was being filtered through his ears to be channeled to his fingers and onto the paper before him. _"It's not like smoking or anything. It's coffee! Everyone drinks it!"_

He then gave his head a vigorous shake, then re-dedicated himself to scribbling something about the definition of rotational symmetry.

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Kari slid into TK's dorm room gracefully. "Guess what?" She said energetically, peering at TK laying back on his couch across the room. "I've beat you all!"

"At coming up with a...bad handwriting decipher...thingy?" TK asked hopefully. He was clutching his black spiral notebook, which was turned open to a page near the beginning, which was featuring scribbles that seemed to be attempting to resemble coherant words and sentences but failed miserably.

"Nope." She said, taking the joke unusually seriously. "I've got a date tonight!" She threw her arms out to her sides violently as she strolled neatly towards the couch across the wooden planks of the floor.

"That's wonderful." TK replied quickly, squinting his eyes at his poor handwriting. "My god I was tired. It looks like I puked on it."

Kari crossed her arms over her chest. "I want to gloat goddammit." She pouted.

"That's just gonna have to wait." TK retorted. "We started a new chapter in math today, and somewhere in this...nonsensical arrangement of words, the explanations to all my qualms with the chapter in the textbook lay."

"Lemme see." Kari said, walking the rest of the distance over to TK and leaning over the backrest to peek at the notes. "What the hell is this?"

"I couldn't focus in math, so I just wrote everything I heard and saw down here." TK explained. "Can you tell what it says?"

Kari squinted at the lines of rough text for a few seconds. "Good morning, worm, your honor. The crown will plainly show the prisoner-"

"Can you?" TK spat, interrupting her. "This is serious! Understanding what happened in class today could be crucial to my midterm!" 

"I'm sure it's not _that_ big a deal." Kari replied dismissively.

"But it _could_ be." TK said through gritted teeth. "In fact, it probably is, given Murphy's law. I need to figure this out."

"Good friggin luck." Kari bode.

TK set the notebook down in his lap and began rubbing his temples. "I can't do this right now." He moaned. "I'll try again tomorrow."

Kari clapped her hands together below her chin. "Alright then!"

TK rolled his eyes and leaned his head back onto the armrest. "Who is he?"

"Rick Harrison." Kari said quickly, eager to discuss her date.

"Student?" TK asked robotically, going through the usual set of questions.

"Nope. Met him off campus at a cafe." Kari replied, leaning her elbows onto the couch backrest.

"Anything interesting about him?" TK droned, reaching over to the coffee table for the latest issue of _TV Guide._

"Well..." Kari gave a small smirk. "...he's blind."

TK stopped mid-grab, his eyes widening slightly at this revelation. "Figuratively, or literally?" He inquired.

"No. He's really blind." Kari explained. "He can't see a thing. But...well, we started talking last night, and we seemed to hit it off. So we're meeting up at some local restaurant tonight to get to know each other a bit more."

TK's lips pursed. "Well that's just a little awkward." He turned his head around to look up at Kari. "Why would you date a blind guy? You lose your biggest asset."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kari asked, her smile fading quickly.

"Come the hell on." TK insisted. "How well this date goes is entirely dependent on your ability to converse with this guy. Do you really think you can handle that kind of pressure?"

"I'm a good conversationalist!" She said indignantly, standing up straight.

"Yes, but normally you have your body to fall back on. Now you're sending your conversational skills out on a solo mission. It's like a sniper without a spotter. A hiker without a map. Without your looks, you've got nothing to back you up in case you say something stupid or can't think of anything to say." TK said casually, bringing the magazine over to his lap and opening it up.

"Are you trying to say something?" Kari asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Well...it _is_ nice to have something to look at when you start rambling about vitamins and the environment." TK admitted, shrugging slightly.

"If I don't talk about them, who will?" Kari said defensively.

TK closed his eyes and began a loud mock snore, sucking air through his nostrils and blowing it out to intentionally create a comical snoring sound. Kari frowned.

"So you think I'm a boring conversationalist?" Kari asked, eyes narrowing.

"I don't think your conversation can stand on its own." TK said, not looking up from the magazine. "Without backup, I don't think you'd last long in any relationship. Which is why you shouldn't date blind men."

"That's discrimination!" She shouted back.

"It's also condesending to give a blind man a pity date just for the sake of being able to say to people that you're not a discriminator because you dated a blind guy." TK shot back neatly.

"That's not why I'm doing this!" Kari replied, rubbing her forehead with her right hand.

"I'm sure." TK replied, flipping a page of the magazine with his left thumb.

"Oh, that's it, I'm leaving." She said angrily, turning towards the door and walking away.

"Would it be really cheesy and corny if I was to make a joke about a 'blind' date-" TK began, but was quickly cut off.

"Yes!" Kari hissed back, slipping through the threshhold and slamming the door behind her

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"A writer slash musician, huh?" Kari inquired, stirring her clear, bubbly soda with a small red straw. "You have no idea how awesome that is."

"Oh...I have some idea." Rick replied slyly. The pair shared a laugh.

Kari wore a slinky red dress, two nearly invisible straps holding it onto her shoulders. The cleavage was conservative, as was the cut of the dress, which fell down below her knees. Her long, slender legs ended in a pair of pure white heeled sandals. Her legs were slightly tucked under the elaborate wooden chair, so her toes were digging into the fine blue carpet.

Across the small table, which was draped in a white sheet and bearing two sets of utensils on either side plus a wicker basket filled with bread loaves, was Rick. He was rather short for a man, just a few inches taller than Kari, and bore black wavy hair. He rather pale white skin bore a curious ensemble of a long-sleeved white t-shirt with blue suspenders extending over his shoulders and down to his waist, hooking onto his dark navy dress pants. He was almost comical, especially with the out of place terminator-style sunglasses he wore to indicate his handicap.

"How do you find our country?" He asked politely.

"It's...interesting." She settled on. "It seems much more relaxed and casual. I don't want to say I like it better or not as much as Japan, it's just...different."

"I see." He reached his right hand forward, presumably to grab one of the bread loaves. Kari took the moment to look around at the homely, quaint restaurant. It was a small, family owned italian joint, where everything was made out of carefully carved wood. All the tables were small, meant for two people, though a door in the back wall led to a party room of sorts. It felt reasonably close to authentic as far as italian restaurants went.

Suddenly, Kari went scarlet as she felt a squeezing force on her left. She whipped her head around to find Rick reaching across the table and grabbing her breast, squeezing it curiously.

"Errm..." she mumbled, glancing around and praying nobody was watching, "Rick? You're..."

"Man the loaves here are soft." He said. "Usually it's-"

"Rick, stop!" She said under her breath. "That's my..."

"Oh." He said suddenly, pulling his hand back as fast as he could. "Oh, don't tell me-"

"It's okay." She said comfortingly. "It was an innocent mistake, it happens-"

"No!" He hissed. "It's not okay!" He swallowed some bile down hard. "I'm...so sorry, I'm usually very good with guessing distances."

"It's...fine, just be careful from now on." She replied gently, rubbing her breast gingerly.

"Sorry." He repeated. He reached forth and grabbed a loaf out of the basket, this time with accuracy. "So anyway, how's college? I never went myself, decided to pursue my goals out of high school."

"It's...something." Kari responded thoughtfully. "It's...not as hard as I thought it would be." She squinted, looking off to her left at the engravings of a map of italy in the wood. "I came here for the lower standards, but I have to say-"

She froze at the repeated sensation of her right breast being squeezed. Her head spun back to face her blind date, who was now reaching across the table and giving her right breast a series of sensual touches.

Her eyes narrowed into slits as she reached up to her chest and roughly grabbed the groping hand by the wrist, fighting the urge to get mad

"Huh." Rick said, his tone confused. "How did my soda glass get all...squishy...and grow hands?" He asked.

Kari cleared her throat loudly, and Rick's face perked up as he yanked his hand back. "Oh, my god, I am so...sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me, I-"

"Rick!" Kari said in a low whisper, leaning down closer to the table. "It's...fine, could you just...maybe not reach so far across the table? If you want something, you can always ask-"

"Oh...I really should, shouldn't I? I..." His head slumped over against his chest. "I guess I was trying to show off...you have no idea how badly I want to be...normal!"

"Awww...that's so sad." Kari replied, forcing it slightly, rubbing her right breast now. She gave a strangled, fake smile, but couldn't help but turning around to look out the main window near the entrance and wonder if she had made a large mistake.

Her eyes immediately fell on Ken, walking past the restaurant outside on the sidewalk in a dark blue overcoat. He waved quickly in passing with his right hand, catching a glimpse of Kari inside the facility, which she returned.

Ken continued on down the stony pavement, the urban night beckoning him into the action of downtown. His simple, black shoes clacked away neatly at the worn concrete beneath him. Cars sped by in blurs of color and metal. The sidewalks were fairly devoid of people all things considered, but the occasional passerby would appear every now and then.

Ken, in a fluid, smooth motion, reached up into his inside jacket pocket with his right hand and removed a small cellphone. By the time he had moved it up to his ear, he had already pressed the three button pattern to automatically call the number of his best friend.

Moments later, the connection was made.

"Hey." TK responded lazily.

"I'm going to the movie place, but I don't know what I want." Ken said quickly, continuing his casual stroll down the path. "Anything you'd want to watch when I'm done with it that I might like?"

"See if they have _This is Spinal Tap._" TK answered. "I've never actually seen the whole thing, but it seemed funny enough."

"I'll keep an eye out." Ken responded, pulling the phone down from his ear and moving it back into the pocket from wence it came, severing the connection by pressing a red button with his thumb as he did so.

Suddenly, he heard a muffled scream come from his immediate left. Reflexively, he turned to the source and put his fists out in front of him in a fighting position.

He was taken aback by what he found within the alley inbetween the tavern on his left and the clothing shop on his right. Being pressed up against the wall by a pair of rough, dirty arms was what initially appeared to be an angel. When the absurdity of such a delusion hit Ken, he managed to break things down more accurately.

Rather, being pressed up against the left wall was a young women of Arabic descent, perhaps just at the end of her teens or just beyond them. She was short and petite, perhaps five feet tall, her breasts nice and perky, but compact, and her midriff well-proportioned with the rest of her body. Her hair was long and black, falling just beyond her shoulders. She wore an odd, pure white robe of sorts, perhaps ordinary in the middle-east. It was simple and plain, serving only to cover her body from lower neck to ankles. Her feet were clad in small slippers of the same color of her robe, ending at the very bottom of her ankles. Ken was taken in by her skin tone, which was slightly lighter than might be expected from a Arabic woman. A light mocha, making it appear that she had just been sunbathing, perhaps.

In any other situation, Ken might have been completely taken aback by her beauty. As it stood, he was only partially so. Her gorgeous figure was being offset by the fact that a grisly looking man was viciously pressing her back up against the brick wall. His right hand remained wrapped around her mouth as his left hand reached downwards for his waist. The man was of medium build, wearing a white shirt stained with an unidentifiable liquid and brown cargo pants. He couldn't have been much older than thirty, yet he had a shock of unnatural white hair on the top of his head.

His left hand emerged from his pants' pocket, now clutching a small blade. Under normal conditions, Ken would have run for help from an authorative figure. After all, he could very well be risking his life by running in himself, to help a person he didn't even know. However, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen, he had yet to sense his presence as he was so absorbed in the process of rape, her life was clearly in potential danger, and he felt he could take this guy with the element of surprise. This combination of emotions added up in his mind, and he took action.

He took three large steps into the alley, bringing him right before the unholy action taking place within, the sounds of his steps being drowned out effectively by her muffled screams. He used the momentum from the third step to lead into a strong right hand punch right into the side of the man's head.

The force of the blow into the man's skull knocked him off the woman and forced him to release her, allowing her to slide down until her feet touched the murky dirty floor. The blade in his left hand swung out blindly in Ken's direction. Neatly, Ken jumped back slightly, allowing the sharp edge to swing in front of his chest harmlessly. After the knife passed, Ken stepped in with his right foot and delivered his right fist into the forehead of the man, who was just now turning to face this new threat.

No sooner had he laid eyes on Ken did he feel the effects of the forehead blow. His eyes fluttered and his body flew backwards, a concussion settling in. With a resounding thump, he hit the stone floor, his world faded to black. Ken stood next to the girl, breathing hard, staring at the man lest he get up for round two. He could feel the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the sweat beginning to bead on his skin.

He turned to his left, coming face-to-face with the woman. She was staring, wide-eyed, up at Ken. Every few seconds, she'd turn to look at the man who had attempted to violate her, then back up at Ken.

Ken managed to swallow the nervousness that would usually come with talking with such a girl, owing to his macho feat of saving the girl giving him some instant credibility. "Are you alright?" He settled on.

She cast her eyes downwards at the murky stone. She began speaking very rapidly and quietly in a language Ken neither understood or recognized. He didn't think she was talking to him. It looked like she was muttering to herself more then anything.

"Miss, I'm sorry...English?" He said hopefully, holding his hands out before him, forcing a small smile. "Any? Do you speak any English?"

She stopped mumbling, and her pupils rotated up to look at Ken. Ken's heart skipped a beat as he looked into her large, doe eyes. She said nothing, nor did she move, so Ken continued to try and find a conversation medium.

"Spanish? Espanol?" He attempted. "Hablo Espanol?"

She continued to stare into his eyes, making no signs of recognition.

Ken wouldn't be deterred. He had one last language within his bank of knowledge. "Nihongo wo hanasemasu ka?" He said hopefully.

She continued to stare blankly. Ken's shoulders fell. If they couldn't communicate, surely nothing could bloom here, no matter how heroic he was.

Suddenly, she thrust her hands forward from the folds of her white robe and grabbed Ken's right hand. Ken went a bright red in the face as she brought the hand up in front of her, gently holding it between her hands. Her skin was as soft and smooth as he had imagined. His pants tightened involuntarily as his hormones kicked in.

She began reciting something, very fast, in the same strange language. It could have been Arabic, but that did Ken little good as he didn't know a word. Ken just stared at her, listening to her speech carefully, attempting to use his knowledge of language in general to piece together her gist.

But nothing came to him, and after a few more seconds, she stopped speaking and released his hand. Ken let it fall to his side listlessly, thinking he'd give anything to be able to understand what she was saying.

He waved weakly with his left hand and turned to his left, facing back out into the street. He began to move robotically back onto the sidewalk, crestfallen. The prospect of renting a movie forgotten, he turned to his right and began a funeral march down the concrete path.

He went several steps, hands entrenched deep in his pockets and head slouched over. He came to a sudden stop and turned around slowly, expecting to face the empty entrance to the alleyway.

To his surprise and excitement, the girl was standing just two steps behind him, having followed him. He flushed red once again, looking her up and down.

"Hi?" He said, his voice climbing an unwanted octave. She just stared at him. He could have sworn she was looking where his ass had been a second ago, but he didn't want to delude himself into a possible falsehood. Her mouth was curved up slightly into a contented smile.

Slowly, he reached into his outside jacket pocket with his left hand. He dug around for a moment before finding his wallet, which he whipped out and unfolded with a flick of his wrist.

"You want money?" He asked awkwardly, unzipping the zipper along the top of the wallet, dearly wishing he could be unzipping something else. "Here...now, I don't know if you can understand what I'm saying, but I'm a college student who happens to have a very...unsteady income, so I really can't...give that much, but..." he pulled out a few dollar bills and presented them in her direction "...are you hungry? You can get decent meals around here for a couple of bucks." He walked up to her, thrusting the bills in her direction. "I can't really get you a place to stay, but...there are probably hundreds of men in this town who'd love to give you a warm bed for the night-" he froze, biting his tongue. "Well, when I say that, I mean...well, I don't mean it like that."

She didn't move to take his money, but only looked at it curiously.

"You really can't understand a thing I'm saying, can you?" Ken asked. "Well, I guess it's for the best." He withdrew the money and put it back into his wallet before zipping it shut, slapping it closed and replacing it within his left pocket. "What do you want?"

Suddenly, he snapped the fingers of his right hand, then reached up into his inside jacket pocket and removed his cell phone. "Of course! You must have friends or family...someone you can call, right?" He presented the cell phone before her face. "Go ahead, I have a good plan, talk all you want!"

She just stared at the screen along the top of the phone blankly, blinking every few seconds, not at all indicating this is what she wanted.

Ken pursed his lips. "You do know how to use a phone...right?"

After a few more seconds of blank staring, Ken dejectedly replaced the phone inside his jacket pocket. "Well, I really don't have anything else...I'd give you my coat, but I kinda need it." He turned around and started walking away. "See you around...maybe." He said vaguely as he began stepping away.

After a few steps, he chanced a look back, and sure enough she continued to follow, as if a lost dog. Ken sighed deeply and turned back around square to her.

"Look...while this is probably the ultimate wetdream of any kid who ever let a dog or cat follow him home...and I'd love more than anything in the world to let you come with me...I need to know what I'm getting into." Ken explained, not fully understanding why he was bothering, given the girl couldn't understand a word he said. "So...if you understand any English or Spanish or Japanese, maybe you could tell me some things about you I need to know. Where you're from, how you got here, what's your name...I really do need to understand your story first."

She continued to stare blankly at his chest, smiling dimly.

"So, if you can't do that...it pains me to do this, it really does, but I need you to go." He instructed. He raised his right index finger and pointed beyond her, back down the sidewalk. "Go. Please, go."

As soon as she made recognition of his pointing gesture, the smile fell off her face faster than Puff Daddy's career fell off the earth. This was almost instantly followed up with the inside corners of her large eyes beginning to tear up.

Ken felt his stomach turn violently as she started to cry. He ran up to her side, grabbing her right upperarm gently. "Please don't...don't cry!" He pleaded, looking around, hoping nobody on the largely empty sidewalk would take notice. "You don't understand! You could have a boyfriend! If you do and he finds out I let you sleep at my place, he might cut my balls off! Or you might have an overprotective father, either scenario ends with my balls being displaced from their usual resting place! You could be a murderous serial killer! I have to consider the possib-"

Her right hand whirled around towards her back, reaching into a nearly invisible pouch sewn into the rear of the robe. The hand came out in a flash of shining metal. Ken's heart stopped at the sight of a small but sharp knife. The blade did not go for him, to his great relief, but he was just as mortified when the girl pressed the sharp edge up against her neck.

"Holy-" he hissed, before reaching up to roughly grab the wrist of her right hand and pull it down, away from her neck. "What do you think you're doing?" He said under his breath, squeezing her wrist until she was forced to release the knife. It spun down towards the ground, bouncing on the grip and coming to rest on the concrete.

She gave a horrible screech, causing Ken's skin to crawl. "Alright!" He said under his breath. "Please stop! You can...you can come with me!" He started walking down the sidewalk, holding her upper left arm and right wrist in his hands, hoping she'd understand his change of heart.

After he took a few steps, her in hand, the smile jumped back on her face and she stopped crying immediately. She looked deeply into his eyes, the only thing stopping Ken from rolling his eyes in frustration at how easily he was being manipulated.

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TK twisted the golden doorknob in his right hand, pulling the lock out from the notch in the doorframe. He then pushed the door away from him, allowing it to swing open on it's hinges. His left hand held his spiral notebook, which he was holding up to his eyes.

"Hey Ken, can you have a look at this?" He said loudly as he stepped through the threshhold. "It's my notes, I-"

He got a glimpse of a white figure out of the corner of his eye. He turned his entire focus to this out-of-place figure. His mouth fell agape as his eyes focused on the stunning Arabic girl, walking across the tiles of the kitchen in front of him, carrying a soiled plate over to the white ceramic sink.

He stared at the girl for a few seconds before managing to close his mouth and swallow the sudden buildup of saliva. He then wrenched his head over towards the couch across the room. The back of Ken's head was visible over the backrest of the couch. Alarms went off inside TK's brain at the sight of his messy hair.

Slowly, Ken turned around to face TK. There were bags under his eyes and a collection of red veins were visible within the whites surrounding his pupils. Nevertheless, his devil-may-care smirk gave him a look of rugged masculinity.

TK's mouth fell back open, and it would have likely taken a forklift to pick it back up. He threw another look at the girl, now washing the dish in the sink, then went back to Ken.

"Ken..." he managed to choke out, moving towards him slowly, letting the notebook-holding hand droop to his side. "...you didn't..."

Ken shook his head naughtily. "Nope." He responded.

"Oh yes you did." TK breathed, pupils dilating as he continued to walk towards Ken. "I know you too well, Ken, I can sense these things." His right hand came up to point an accusing finger at Ken. "You rode her like Man O' War!" He shouted. "How many souls did you offer the devil?"

"TK, please." Ken said calmly.

"How many?!" TK repeated. "Did you give him mine?! Did you?!" He reached over the couch backrest with his right hand, grabbing Ken's collar and shaking him violently. "I didn't tell you you could do that! I need my soul!"

"TK, stop!" Ken hissed, grabbing his wrist and ripping his hand off his collar. "I didn't, okay?" He reinterated. "I could have, but I didn't."

"Oh yeah?" TK responded, his brow furling. "Why's your hair all messed up?"

"I haven't showered yet." Ken replied, not missing a beat.

TK was not to be easily convinced. "Why do you look tired?"

"I was up all night trying to figure out how to communicate with her, she doesn't know English." He countered.

TK thought for a second before countering back. "Why do you look so giddy?"

"Because the most beautiful woman I've ever seen just cleaned my dorm while I was asleep and made me a gourmet breakfast." Ken responded quickly. "Are you done yet?"

TK took a deep, settling breath, calming his nerves. "So...you swear you didn't get it on last night?"

"Well, I did, just not with her." He admitted, holding his right hand up. "I'm hoping masturbation is a taboo subject in whatever country she comes from and she had no idea what I was doing."

"That's some nice willpower you've got there." TK said sarcastically, folding his arms over his chest.

"It was either that or no sleep." Ken shrugged.

"So you didn't...make a deal with the devil...or the mafia...or Martha Stewart...or anything?"

"What? You think I can't land a fine woman if I want to?" Ken asked defensively. "Just because I'm a computer geek doesn't mean-"

"Ken." TK said weakly, holding his palm out towards Ken, indicating he should stop. "I really don't think 'fine woman' does the goddess within the confines of your kitchen at this very moment justice!"

"Well...it was perfectly legit!" Ken insisted. "She followed me home." He turned back around to sit on the couch normally, his back turned to TK. "Like...a lost puppy."

"So...you say you could have had sex with her, but didn't?" TK asked slowly, licking his lips when he finished.

"Yeah." Ken replied simply. "I let her sleep on the couch, but I don't know how much she actually slept-"

"And...how high do you say your IQ is again?" TK asked, vaulting the right side of the couch and plopping down on the cushion next to Ken.

Ken shot a tired, disdainful look at TK. "So if I did have sex with her, you'd be mortified and trying to strangle me, but since I didn't, I'm an idiot?"

"No." TK corrected. "I had assumed you had to do something terrible to get sex with such a lady. Owing to the fact that you apparently didn't, by all means, ride away."

"Well, unfortunately, I still have a functioning conscious." Ken lamented. "I just met this woman ten hours ago, we don't have any way to communicate verbally, and she's acting as if she's my servant."

TK blinked three times in rapid succession. "Again, IQ?"

Ken sighed. "If only I was as immoral as you."

"I sense there's a good story here." TK said. "Let's hear it."

Ken threw a quick glance at the woman in his kitchen, who had just finished with the dish and was now looking at the two young men seated on the couch, then looked back at TK. "Well, it was right after I called you last night. I'm walking to the video place, and I hear a scream coming from an alley." He pointed with his right hand thumb at the girl. "It was her, some guy was...trying to...you know."

"Wow." TK exclaimed. "This is a good story."

"I don't know what came over me...logic dictated I try to find a cop or something...but...I charged in, gave the guy two right hands in the skull, and knocked him out cold."

TK's eyes flew open. "Whoa!" He gave a small smile, casting a quick look at the woman again. "You're batman!"

"Yes." Ken returned the small smile. "I'm batman. So anyway, she just...stares in disbelief for a few seconds, muttering in some foreign language...then she says something to me, and grabs my hand, but I have no idea what she said, so I turn to leave. But she's...following me."

"Bow chicka wow wow." TK teased.

"So I try to give her stuff, but she won't take anything. I finally manage to get through to her by pointing off into the distance...but as soon as she understands what I'm trying to tell her to do, she starts crying."

"Dirty trick." TK remarked.

"I try to hold my ground, because I don't think it'd be...sensible to take her home with me. But then she takes out a small knife and tries to slit her throat."

"She pulled a Holly Carroll." TK said suddenly.

"Huh?" Ken inquired, furrowing his brow.

"Remember Holly from high school?" TK asked. "Whenever she wanted her boyfriends to buy something for her, if they said no, she'd threaten to kill herself. It worked for the longest time, pretty pathetic. One day someone called her bluff, nobody ever took her seriously again."

"Oh yeah, I remember that." Ken said. "So, I don't really have a choice. I don't want her blood on my hands, so I take her home. It's very...awkward and uncomfortable. She's sitting on my couch just looking around at everything curiously. I get the sense she doesn't know a thing about American culture, so she must be a new immigrant. Every time I try to say something to her, she just...giggles. She's got the cutest laugh too."

"That's how they rope you in." TK said with mock anger, clenching his right fist. "The giggles."

"I do a bit of internet research, and try some basic Arabic phrases." Ken continued. "I got nothing. As near as I can tell, her language might be loosely based on Arabic, but not enough for me to communicate. It's gotta be some language used by an indigenous tribe in the middle east, but I don't have a realistic method to finding out which one."

"Ask the foreign language teachers." TK advised.

"I might, but I'd rather keep this whole thing secret from the school." Ken replied. "She's not a student, so I doubt they're cool with her living on campus."

"Well, it's a special situation." TK insisted. "Maybe you can parlay this into a feather in your cap. Teach her English and integrate her into the America culture, might look good on a resume one day."

"I'll do my best." Ken said.

"Failure isn't really an option here, because if they force her to leave she'll kill herself. And I won't stand for that." TK said seriously. "Unless you wouldn't mind living off-campus."

"It's a possibility." Ken nodded his head. "Did you come over here for something?"

"I forget." TK said dreamily, his eyes glazing over.

"Does it have anything to do with the notebook in your hand?" Ken asked, his eyes dropping to the paper TK was gripping.

"Oh." TK looked down at the notebook in his hand dimly. "Yeah, yeah it did." He set the notebook, open to the page in question, onto Ken's lap. "My notes from Math 107." He explained. "I can't friggin read them."

"Well, no wonder." Ken replied, leaning in over the paper. "Jesus, it's a mess! I wouldn't wipe my ass with these notes."

"I know, I know." TK said sourly. "That's not really important now, the important thing is...I really need to understand these. So can you read it?"

Ken squinted at the first line of incomprehensible pencil lines for a second. "Mean Mister Mustard sleeps in the park, shaves in the dark, trying to save paper-"

TK snatched the notebook out from Ken's lap. "Nevermind!" He spat. "Well, I've got class in half an hour, and I'm only gonna dig a deeper hole for myself if I walk in there not comprehending what went on yesterday."

"Treat it like a code and crack it." Ken suggested. "It'll take longer than a half hour, but you should have it cracked by tonight if you apply yourself."

"A code?" TK squinted his eyes. "I don't follow."

"It's easy. Search the entire thing and find all occurances of three letter words that look similar. We can assume you've now found 'the' so you now know what t, h, and e look like. From that, you can solve part of the code. You then repeat the process with other common words, such as 'a' 'and' and whatever words you'd expect to find in a text concerning contemporary math." Ken illustrated.

TK pursed his lips, then looked down at the notes again. "Sounds like alot of work."

"Well, yeah." Ken responded offhand.

"I'll pay you fifty bucks." TK offered simply, plopping the notebook back into his lap.

"Deal." Ken reached over his chest with his right hand, extending the hand towards TK. He took it and shook it. "Off the record, it's really not that hard."

"Maybe for you." TK retorted. "You're like the guy in A Beautiful Mind, it's not fair to compare you to me."

"What're you talking about? I'm nothing like that guy." Ken responded absentmindedly, picking up the notebook and tossing it over to the coffee table.

At that moment, Davis strolled in through the open front door. TK and Ken turned around in time to see him lay eyes on the woman in the kitchen and go into the predictable set of reactions. He stared at her, up and down, for several seconds, then turned to TK and Ken.

Ken launched a preemptive attack. "No, I did not sleep with her, no, that doesn't mean you can, and yes, she can't understand a word any of us are saying."

Davis froze at the unexpected volley of statements, glanced back at the girl awkwardly, then made his way across the room in a fast walk to the couch. "Details, now."

"I'll give you the short version." Ken said thoughtfully, rubbing his chin. "I saved her from deflowerization at the hands of a rapist, she followed me home, cleaned my room and made me breakfast."

Davis squinted his eyes in thought. "I think I've seen a porno like this once."

"You've seen a porno like everything once." TK said disdainfully.

"In all seriousness...if I had to guess, I'd say she's a hooker, and the dude was a customer who got a little too excited." Davis amended.

Ken shook his head. "Impossible. She doesn't know any English."

"So?" Davis shrugged.

TK's and Ken's shoulders fell, almost as one, as they cast sardonic looks at Davis.

"Well, either way, you know what's going on, right?" Davis asked Ken.

Ken nodded. "She's sworn some sort of life-debt to me. She thinks I saved her life. Wherever she comes from, they must still have life-debts."

"She's a wookiee." Davis said seriously, folding his arms over his chest. "We need to learn Shyriiwook, it's the only way to communicate with her."

"Wookiees can understand Galactic Basic, they just can't speak it." Ken corrected.

"Which would also mean she can understand us, which we've already established she can't." TK added.

"Plus she's not...nine feet tall, hairy, and doesn't speak in a series of complex and low-pitched roars." Ken continued.

"Actually, we don't even know what a female wookiee looks like." Davis shrugged.

"Yeah, a life-debt makes sense...that must be why she tried to kill herself when you tried to make her leave." TK recounted. "It would have been dishonorable or something."

"We're dealing with some primitive people here." Ken said eerily. "A backwards tribe of people in the middle-east, perhaps. In any case, I need to know what I'm getting into here. I need to figure out how to communicate with her, so I'm trying to teach her English."

"Ken, if I may, everyone in the world can speak the language of love." Davis said suggestively.

Ken reached over the couch's backrest and slapped him across the face. "Shut it." He said simply as Davis recoiled from the palmslap and reached up to grab the developing welt on his cheek. "I'm not touching her until I know her story. And that goes for both of you, by the way." He pointed at TK and Davis with his left and right index fingers.

"Yeah yeah." TK replied, reaching over to the coffee table for his notebook. "Davis, see if you can save me fifty bucks." He grabbed the book and thrust it up towards Davis. "What can you make of it?"

Davis grabbed the book and peered down at the page of wild writing for a moment. "Teenage angst has paid off well, now I'm bored and old-"

TK snatched it back in a flash. "Nevermind." He tossed it back over to the coffee table. "Can you have that for me by tonight?" He pushed himself off the couch into a standing position.

"Probably." Ken replied.

"Alright. I'll see you later." TK turned to his right and strode around the couch nimbly. "Good luck with..." he pointed at the girl, still standing like a statue in the kitchen.

"Jamila. I think." Ken proclaimed. "We were playing a little pointing game last night, and I think we managed to get names down."

"Jamila." TK threw another glance at Jamila before turning back to Ken. "Well, good luck with Jamila then. She's something else." He did the double raise of his eyebrows to emphasize the point.

Suddenly, Kari burst through the doorway of Ken's dorm, wearing a look of discontent on her face. "Guys, you are not gonna believe-"

It was then she noticed the presence of Jamila. She stopped midsentence to look her up and down. "Holy-"

"I know." Ken cut her off. "My good samaritanism has paid dividends."

"Ken, did you-" she began, but was again interrupted.

"No." Ken replied strongly. "No, no, no! Why is it always assumed? I saved her from a rapist and she swore some sort of life debt thing. But she speaks some obscure foreign language, so I can't even talk to her."

"That's a drag." Kari commented, moving across the room. "I'd love to find out more, but I've got something even more interesting than her."

"I doubt that." TK muttered under his breath.

"So last night, me and Rick went to this smallish restaurant...and he's copping feels the entire time!" Kari exclaimed.

"So what city dumpster did you throw him in?" TK asked casually, looking at his fingernails.

"Well...he's blind, remember?" Kari said hesitantly. "I mean, he can't see-"

"How many times did it happen? Because if it was more than two, you should have dropped him like a Maroon 5 album." Ken interjected.

Kari paused, looking down at the wooden floor. "Six." She replied bashfully.

"Oh, mama." Davis said in a low whistle. "Kari, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but this Rick fellow is not blind."

"Of course he's blind!" Kari insisted, shooting an indignant look at Davis. "He's just...clumsy, is all."

"Kari, no blind man could possibly manage to locate a pair of breasts six times in the same evening." TK informed, holding his right index finger up. "Take it from a trio of young men who know their way around the block, faking blindness is a surprisingly popular way of getting free boob touches."

"But this Rick, seemingly, missed the memo concerning frequency." Ken added. "I'm afraid you've got yourself a man with perfectly fine eyesight."

Kari shook her head in quick, whipping motions. "I find that extremely hard to believe. If it was just an innocent mistake, and he really is blind, I'd never forgive myself if I dumped him for that."

"Then dump the bastard and never talk to him again." TK said casually. "Even if he really is blind, you'll never find out."

"You're missing the point." Kari replied flatly.

"Okay." Davis said resignedly. "Tomorrow, four in the afternoon. Take him to the park, the bench area, I'll be waiting. I'll prove to you that he's not blind."

Kari shrugged. "Sure, I guess."

"Okay, I gotta run." TK stated, moving towards the door. "See you all later."

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TK rapped on the door to Ken's dorm smartly with his left knuckles, afraid to burst into the room now with Jamila inside.

He waited, standing up straight before the door for a few seconds, before the knob clicked and the door swung in on the hinges. Ken poked his head out into the hallway, staring at TK.

"Yo, you got it?" He asked quickly, looking around shadily, feeling like he was making some sort of drug exchange.

"Forget it, bud." Ken said dismissively.

"What are you talking about?" TK asked, his eyes widening in fear.

"Lemme put it this way. If we had you back in the fourties, we might have been able to beat the allies, because they never would have cracked our codes in a million years!" Ken spat. "I can't decipher it, nobody can, and nobody ever will!" With that, he threw the notebook out wildly into the hallway at TK's legs. It slammed against his knees and fell askew to the floor.

"But...Ken..." TK said weakly, feeling his heart jump up into his throat.

"Sorry, can't help!" He turned his head back into the confines of his dorm. "Jamila, we have a special place to do that!" He shouted frantically, shutting the door hard.

TK's head fell over onto his chest, chin lolling.

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"It's not considered...rude, is it?" Kari asked, escorting Rick across the concrete path through the park. "I mean, taking you to a date through a park even though you can't...you know-"

"Oh no." Rick replied calmly. "Just because I can't see doesn't mean you should act as if you can't."

She looked up ahead down the path at the row of green benches on black steel supports. Three benches away, Davis was seated, awaiting their arrival.

"So I'm glad you took a liking to me." He began. "I'm not really a first date guy, so most of the time-"

"Oh, don't tell yourself that!" She said exuberantly. "You were great."

"Nice to hear you say that." He replied. "Anyway, once I get to know someone, I'm usually much better."

"Uh-huh." She ushered him over next to Davis and sat him down. Davis responded by standing up and moving in front of the bench. Kari took his spot. She took a moment to glance around at the scenery. Every few meters, the brown trunk of a tree was firmly implanted into the earth, extending up into the skies and blooming into leaves of green on long brown branches. The grass was luscious and lengthy, not a bit of crabgrass in sight. It was filled with people of all shapes and sizes, walking about and enjoying it in various different ways.

Kari then turned to Davis and nodded. Silently, he began to take off his jacket.

"I can't help but notice you're wearing the same thing you did on monday night." Kari commented. "Do you know that, or-"

"I dress myself, so things such as that are known to happen every now and then." He digressed. "I don't smell, do I?"

"No." She replied simply. "I don't-" 

Suddenly, his hand shot over to her chest region and began feeling her right breast. "Oh, that's a good boy, aren't you?" He began saying in a babyish tone. "Yes, that's a good doggy."

Kari's eyes narrowed, starring down at the invasive hand. She cleared her throat loudly.

"Oh...oh crap." He said, quickly withdrawing. "I'm sorry, I-"

"It's okay." She said in a very low voice, almost a hiss. She turned back to Davis, causing her expression to curdle into one of great shock and disgust.

Davis had stripped down to his boxers, his red jacket, white undershirt, and black pants cast in a pile at his feet. He was waving his arms wildly in the air, waving his scrawny body around in front of the pair. Several people around the park began screaming and running away in disgust. Kari herself had to bite her tongue to avoid yelling.

"What's going on?" Rick asked, still staring straight at Davis with no reaction.

"Umm...Allen Iverson and Terrell Owens just drove up in limos." She lied. "They're egging the cars."

"Ah." Rick nodded. "Good for them. Bastards that they are. Kari, do me a favor and spit in Terrell's face for me."

Davis stopped dancing and pursed his lips. Shrugging, he reached down for the waistband of his boxers and began pushing them down. Kari squeezed her eyes shut and turned away to her left in horror, hearing the screams escalate all around.

Slowly, she turned her head one hundred and eighty degrees around and cracked open her right eyelid. Rick remained seated and calm, seemingly unaware of the show going on before him.

A loud thud sounded off. Kari whirled around to face Davis, who had just been brutally tackled by a police officer. She watched in stunned silence as the policeman beat Davis with a nightstick. After several strikes to his torso, he was handcuffed behind his back, pulled to his feet, and pushed off.

"Kari, what's going on?" Rick asked after some awkward silence passed.

"Nothing." She said in a false happy voice. "Nothing at all." She licked her lips. After a quick peek in all directions revealed things had gone back to normal for the most part in the park, she silently stood up.

She squared her body up to Rick's, a few feet in front of him, and began unzipping the front of her red jacket. By working it slowly and smoothly, she was unable to get it down without any particularly abrasive noise. She shrugged it off her shoulders and let it flutter to the ground.

Nothing. "Kari, what are you doing?" He asked innocently.

"Just...taking in the scenery." She responded politely. _"Now take in this scenery why don't you?"_

She pulled her white undershirt up over her head, letting it float through the air and onto the ground, laying on top of her jacket, leaving her with just a bra on her top. Still, Rick showed no visible reaction. Her eyes went down to his crotch region, searching for a telltale bulge, but there was none to be found.

Grunting in frustration, her hands went up to the clasp at the front of her bra, a small little plastic piece in the middle of the two cups. Taking a deep breath, she pressed her right index finger against it and allowed the cups to fall away.

To her dismay, she got no reaction of any kind from Rick.

And then, she got hit in the side by a diving police officer, and felt her vision waver as the effects of a concussion settled in thanks to her head crashing into the concrete.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay." TK said in his best calming voice through the phone receiver. "I understand what you were trying to accomplish. I understand how your plan was supposed to work. What I _don't_ understand is why you had to do it in a public place."

Davis bit his lower lip. He and Kari, still naked, were seated on towels inside a detention center. Davis was holding a lime green phone, attached by a black cord to a lime green base, which was placed on a large oak desk in a small corner of the large room. In the main area of the room, policemen were crossing back and forth between desks and siderooms, sometimes escorting a man or woman in handcuffs back and forth. There was constant chatter flying in all directions. It was a very uncomfortably place to be.

"Yeah, I'm starting to not understand that myself." Davis conceded. Kari leaned over and pressed her ear against the speaker, pushing into the back of Davis's head so she could hear.

"Also, what I don't understand," TK continued, "why did Kari begin publically removing her clothes, having just witnessed you getting arrested for the exact same stunt? You know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result-"

"Can you shut up and just get down here?!" Davis hissed, his eyes darting around. "Bails five hundred bucks each. And you'll need to break into our dorms and get us a change of clothes."

TK tapped his foot on the hardfloor of his dorm. "Yeeeeaaahhh...I'm gonna have to think about this one."

"What?!" Kari shouted indignantly. "TK, this isn't funny, get down here and-"

"I don't know if I can be friends with you guys anymore." TK exasperated. "Indecent exposure in public? I don't know if I want to be seen with...those people."

"TK..." Davis hissed through gritted teeth. "...just get down here."

"I hope you realize just how lucky you are you have a friend who has a thousand dollars lying around." TK said, unable to resist smirking. "Now, you want me to break into your dorms? How?"

"I don't care, just do it!" Kari spat into the receiver. Davis plunked the phone back down onto the receiver.

TK blinked a few times, contemplating what to do, before pushing himself up from the couch and grabbing a paper clip off the edge of the coffee table. He grabbed the outside end of it and began twisting it out, unfurling the metal arrangement into a rod.

"This is quite a life I lead." He lamented, marching towards the door of his dorm. He stood before it and grabbed the knob, throwing it open and storming down the hall. Several steps across the fake persian rug later, he began poking the lock of Kari's dorm room with the clip, constantly casting looks around for anyone coming around the corner.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"He didn't react?" Ken said disbelievingly, grinning over the _Sports Illustrated_ issue open in his hands, leaning back on his couch. "Well, he's either blind or he's wearing a chastity belt."

"He did it again." Kari said, going red in the face. She was seated on the armrest of the couch, looking down at the floor dejectedly. "He thought my right breast was a dog."

"The guy is faking." TK repeated stonily from the kitchen. "End of discussion. Seven times in two meetings? It's unheard of."

"If I can't get solid proof, I can't guiltlessly dump him." Kari said sourly, crossing her arms over her chest. "I need evidence."

"That's the problem with rock solid morals." TK said offhand. "You should try some nice, good old fashioned apathy."

"You know what we should have done?" Davis said from the fat chair. "Started making out. If that didn't get a reaction out of him, we'd know he was blind."

"Yeah, you'd like that." Kari replied dismissively. "So, unless any of you geniuses have any further ideas, I need to go." She slid off the armrest and vaulted the couch's backrest. "See you all later."

"Poor girl." TK said sorrowfully. "So naive. She's at the mercy of the breast squeezer, and she's powerless to stop it. You can't help but pity that." He cocked his head to the right. "I know I would if I wasn't in such a bind myself."

"Midterms are tomorrow morning." Davis reminded him. "Are you sure you've done everything?"

"Yes!" TK enthused tiredly. "I've gone all around the dorms, offering...things I'd rather not mention just for someone who can read my notes! Nobody can even come close to understanding it! It's madness!" His head fell over onto his chest. "I'm so screwed. I just know it, there's...something vital in there, and I can't read it." He palmed his forehead with his right hand as hard as he could. "Damn you Full Metal Alchemist."

The trio then heard a knock, dulled by the filters of wood all around them. It wasn't at Ken's door, but was at one very close...perhaps TK's.

TK slid over to Ken's dorm door and threw it open, revealing the backside of a young male adult, knuckles on the door to TK's apartment. At the sound of the door swinging open, he turned around to face TK.

"Excuse me, do you know who lives here?" He asked, pointing at TK's door.

"Yeah, me." TK replied. "Who might you be?"

"Ehm, Curtis Springs." The man replied, slowly walking into the dorm. "I was down in the lounge, about to throw a soda can in the recycling bin, when I happened to see these." He held up two pieces of notebook, lined paper, the holes along the left side torn where the spirals had ripped through them.

"Yeah, I threw them away." TK said listlessly.

"Well they look like notes for an important midterm to me." Curtis said, chuckling. "I thought there had been a mistake, so I thought I'd take a second to return them."

TK ran his left hand back through his hair, pushing it down over his skull. "How exactly did you figure that? And how did you know they were mine?"

"Well...I've taken contemporary math in the past, I know what contemporary math notes look like." He explained. "And your name is written at the top."

TK's eyes flew wide open and his jaw fell several inches. "You can...you can read it?" He asked, not believing what he was hearing.

"Of course." Curtis replied, shrugging. "It's just a little messy, what's the big deal?"

TK gave a large grin, then grabbed Curtis by the shoulder and began leading him out of the dorm. "You got a couple minutes?" He threw a look back at Ken and Davis, winked, then shut the door behind him.

"That son of a bitch sure is lucky." Davis mused. "So how goes...Jamila?" He dared to question.

"Well enough." Ken replied. "No school officials have questioned me about her yet, she makes three hot meals a day, does my bed, cleans up after me...it's really quite something. Plus, I've managed to teach her some basic commands. Watch." He sat up, putting his back up against the couch's backrest and his feet on the floor. "Jamila!" He shouted. "Shoulders!"

The beautiful Arabian girl emerged from the bathroom and marched straight for the couch. Davis watched as she grabbed Ken's shoulder with her hands and began roughly kneeding them inbetween her fingers. Ken gasped in ecstasy at her massaging techniques. Davis stared in a partially horrified silence as, every few seconds, Ken's left foot would start beating against the floor thumper-style in rapid succession.

"I really hate to see you like this." Davis said weakly, trying to resist breaking out into laughter at the reflexive reaction of Ken's foot. "I better go."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kari gasped and nearly dropped her purse as she came into her dorm. As soon as she flicked the lights on, a woman she didn't recognized could be easily seen, leaning against the back wall of the dorm, wearing a black coat that went down to her knees and jeans, looking very serious indeed.

She swallowed a load of bile before speaking. "Hello?" She said weakly.

"Hello, Kari. I understand one Rick Harrison has been pulling the falsetto blind trick on you?" The girl asked, her tone flat and monotonous.

Kari looked around awkwardly, squinting her eyes. "Well...it's possible-"

"Kari." The woman held her hand up, palm out. "By remaining in this relationship a second longer, you only serve to hurt yourself. He doesn't want you, he wants to feel you up and then disappear, disappear into the shadows, never to be seen again."

Kari put her right hand over her mouth, deep in thought. "Who are you?"

"My name's Michelle Barnes. I'm just an ordinary college girl who wants to purge men like Rick Harrison from the planet." She replied tartily.

"Well...I'm sorry, but my conscious won't let me dump him without solid proof-"

"You want proof?" Michelle asked, her eyes narrowing. "Get him over here as soon as you can, I'll give you proof."

"I think it's only fair...you tell me a little bit about yourself and what I'm getting into before I-"

"Now!" She yelled, pointing at the phone on the coffee table. "Now, now, now!"

"Alright, alright!" She said submissively, moving towards the phone.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Nice of you to invite me over on such short notice." Rick stated, seated comfortably on the couch, his body stretched out across it. Kari sat on the fat chair just a few feet to the left of the couch, watching him.

"Yeah, I figure it's a part of getting intimate." Kari said.

Just then, Michelle emerged silently from the bathroom, the entrance to which was situated right in front of where Rick was 'looking'. He continued to stare contentedly at her, seemingly unaware of the new visitor.

Slowly, Michelle pulled out a small beretta pistol from her hip pocket and brought it up to bear. She pointed the barrel directly at Rick's head.

"So I was at home yesterady, and I was thinking about trying to develop a game with only audio, so blind people could...y'know, play it." Rick rambled.

Michelle began to slowly pull back on the trigger. Kari watched intently as Rick began to shake slightly. His face bore a look of boredom, however, so she wasn't yet sure.

And then, in a single snapping motion, she pulled the trigger back against the grip. No sound emitted, no bullet came rushing out, but Rick rolled to the floor and curled up into the fetal position regardless.

"Don't kill me!" He whined, rocking back and forth. "Lady, what's your-"

"Game, set, match." Michelle said superiorly.

Rick looked up at Michelle, then the fake gun, then twisted around to look at Kari, who was frowning a nasty frown.

"Aw crap." Was all Rick could say.

"Rick, please leave." Kari said in her sweetest voice. "I don't need to escort you out, do I?"

Rick pushed himself up and made a mad dash for the door. In seconds flat, he was through the threshhold and throwing the door shut behind him.

Kari nodded, satisfied. "Well Michelle, you've just saved me a considerable amount of time."

"All in a days work." She insisted, moving towards her and thrusting her left hand out. "It was wonderful doing business with you."

"Definitely!" Kari enthused, returning the shake with her right hand.

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TK, extremely tired from activities the previous night in Math 107, attempts to copy everything he hears or sees on the chalkboard down and figure things out later. He finds his writing illegible, and attempts to get someone to translate. Kari dates a blind man who keeps 'accidentally' touching her breasts and she becomes suspicious. Ken saves a beautiful foreign girl from a rapist, who swears a life-debt to him in exchange.


	4. The Game

Chapter Four: The Game

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"Nailed it." TK exclaimed as he slid through the threshold of his dorm room, clad in his usual black trenchcoat, black dress pants, and black dress shoes. In a sweeping motion of his arm, he shut the door behind him. "I'm sleeping easy tonight!"

"Good for you." Kari replied, kneeling on the kitchen floor, head in one of the cabinets along the floor built into the kitchen island. She was wearing the usual red shirt, white pants, and white socks. "You sound pretty damn sure."

"It's justified." TK replied assuredly, shrugging his coat off, down his arms and into his hands, before tossing it across the room onto the couch's backrest. "Trust me, I have a sixth sense about these things."

"Well, in fairness, you did call Stevie Wonder out." Kari conceded. "Just glad he's out of my life forever."

"You're not gonna follow up on that guy?" TK asked, brow furrowing.

"What's to follow up on?" Kari asked, pulling out of the cabinet with cans of Campbell's Tomato Soup and Starkist Tuna. She reached up and placed the pair up on the counter. "He's a pervert who wants to touch breasts, end of story."

"Say the word, and his kneecaps get shattered like a couple of porcelain dolls." TK said suggestively, walking over towards the couch. "I do thumb-breaking too." He threw himself over the backrest of the couch and went into a laying position on the cushions.

"I'll let the poor bastard off." Kari said, standing up and brushing loose hairs out of her face. "I'll be the bigger person."

"That's no fun." TK countered. "C'mon! I've still got cherry bombs left over from the last day of high school!"

Kari pursed her lips playfully at TK. "Well...if Rick was to get an unexpected surprise in his mailbox, I wouldn't object."

"Consider it done." TK replied in a deep voice.

"We are just _model_ college students, aren't we?" Kari remarked sarcastically.

"By American standards, yes." TK insisted.

The door burst open, revealing Davis, who sidled in, draped in a black v-neck shirt, red tight pants, and white socks. Slapping the door shut behind him, he threw his arms out to his sides emphatically. "Done and done!"

"How'd it go?" TK asked, reaching over to the coffee table for a _Sports Illustrated _magazine.

"Good enough, I think. Won't know for a few days though, so I'm just happy it's over." Davis walked into the kitchen, crossing over the black and white tiles with blissful grace.

"It's just midterms, y'know." Kari commented, looking at Davis's back. "You don't even get a break or anything."

"Well, I'm halfway through. It's a nice checkpoint, so to speak." He replied, sliding over to a cabinet up against the wall and flicking it open with his right index finger, revealing three brown shelves stacked with boxes of various foods, from pop-tarts to hot-pockets to breakfast bars to tortilla chip bags. He grabbed the box of pop-tarts with his right hand and cradled them in his left hand.

"So, you guys wanna do something this weekend?" TK asked, glancing over the first page of the open magazine in his hand. "What's coming out at the movies this weekend?"

"I'm up for something. My weekend's clear. Could I take Michelle? I owe her." Kari requested.

"No, you owe me. I said it first." TK objected, not taking his eyes off the magazine.

"Yeah, but you didn't pull a gun on the guy to prove your point." Kari said, smiling devishly.

"I didn't know you were into that." TK replied offhand.

"I'm down with whatever you guys want to do, so long as I'm free to watch the game at one." Davis replied, stacking a bag of potato chips on top of a box of breakfast bars on his left arm.

TK stared at the developing heap of food in Davis's arms, biting his lower lip. "Y'know, I feel like I should say something." He finally said as Davis placed a Hershey's candy bar on top of his already massive mound of food, which included a dozen different items.

"Like what?" Davis asked obliviously, as he turned around, heaving the food in the direction of the door.

"Well, you're a young and healthy guy, so I'll skip the cholestrol lecture...but what the hell am I gonna eat?" TK exasperated, throwing the magazine to the ground and spinning to his feet.

"I dunno." Davis shrugged. "Food?"

"What food?" TK inquired, walking over towards the kitchen. Davis stopped and turned back around slowly, watching TK's movements. "You should know better then me, you're poking around in my fridge and cabinets more than I do!"

"Well, I _thought_ we were friends!" Davis interjected.

"We are, but I'm not running a food court." TK replied, walking up to a cabinet and poking it open, allowing the brown door to swing on it's hinges to reveal three empty brown shelves. "What is it with you people anyway?" He moved over to the next one, which opened to reveal just a small box of beef jerky. "Every day, you're over here, tryin to starve me to death." He raised his hands up and knocked the two cabinets closed. "Food is not rare! I am not the only provider of sustenance in the world! Hell, I can look out my window and see eight different places that serve food right now!"

"You people?" Kari asked, putting her hands on her hips and turning to look at TK. "You talking about me?" 

"Oh no, you're never here taking my food." TK replied in a high-pitched, sarcastic voice, glaring at the can of soup and tuna.

Davis snorted. "Well, maybe you should buy more food." He suggested seriously, turning around, food in hand.

"Or...this might sound crazy, but hear me out..._you_ could buy your own food. Didn't you guys have budgets?" He looked at Davis, then at Kari. "When I loaned you that money, in my mind's eye...I sort of saw you _not_ having to mooch off me specifically because I gave you the money." He stated, holding his left forefinger and thumb together in an 'O' shape and holding the hand up by his face.

"That budget was written by our stingy parents." Davis replied. "We have to cut corners if we want any spending money."

"So we're trying to cut our food budget-" Kari added before getting cut off.

"-by a hundred percent?" TK finished. "Why should _I _have to suffer because you guys have stingy parents? Y'know, my parents aren't swimming in money either."

"Suffer? You're not suffering." Kari chided. "You're kindly giving to those less fortunate. C'mon, we're poor! And you're rich-"

"I'm not rich." TK interrupted darkly. "I just have a job. You guys should try it sometime!"

"Your job involves getting massively overpaid for extremely easy work." Davis retorted. "Is it really _that_ painful to spread the luck around?"

"You guys could model too, ya know." TK said encouragingly. "Just go down to the office, sign some stuff, snap some pictures and all that, I'm sure you'll get in."

"I'm not cut out to be a model." Kari said timidly, putting her right index finger up to her lip. "I'm too inhibited."

"I hate it when those...directors are always tellin you what to do. It's very emasculating." Davis shook his head, placing the contents in his arms on the island's counter.

"Well, suck it up! Y'know what, I don't even care, just get a job!" TK exclaimed, holding his arms out to his sides and up in the air lazily.

"We will." Kari replied dismissively. "Would it kill you to support us in the meantime? Besides, I only take staples."

"True enough." TK digressed, looking at the soup and tuna on the counter. "Now as for _you..._" He turned back to Davis, glaring daggers at his extravagant pile of food.

"What? What defines a staple?" Davis asked defensively, holding his hands out, palms facing TK.

"Well, do you know what _this-_" he grabbed the chocolate bar at the top of the pile and held it out in front of Davis, "-is?"

Davis stared at the dark brown and silver bar, bearing the Hershey's symbol and several dozen lines of other such writing, for a few moments before replying. "A...chocolate bar?" He settled on, straining a smile.

"Well it sure as hell isn't a staple!" He bopped Davis on the forehead with the bar, snapping it in two as it made contact with his skull. He tossed the broken bar back onto the pile of food.

"If you don't want me to take the food, just say so." Davis said quietly, blinking hard.

"Eugh, take it." TK said, running his left hand through his hair, frowning heavily. "I'll order out." He crossed his arms over his chest, his face still curdled into a nasty grimace. "But let the record show you're already five hundred bucks in the hole with me." He spun back around and pointed at Kari. "That goes double for you."

"So what, you're gonna start charging us for the food we take from you?" Kari asked indignantly.

"Maybe I should!" TK replied naughtily, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Isn't the knowledge that we have to mooch off you to get by, which directly implies how vastly superior you are to us, enough payment?" Davis inquired hopefully.

TK's eyes went up to the ceiling in mock thought. "It's close...but I'd really like something I can hold in my hand." He settled on.

"Aww, come on." Kari said flirtatiously, moving up behind TK. "Don't be such a grouch."

"No, I am being grouchy." TK growled. "I am definitely being grouchy, I deserve to be grouchy, and that is what I'm being."

"Don't be like that." She continued to talk mockingly, walking up towards him and holding her arms out by her hips, squinching them back and forth into fists playfully. "C'mon, lighten up!"

"Stop it." TK commanded quietly. "Stop, stopit!" He repeated as she grabbed his stomach sides and started squeezing.

"Oh, that's a good boy." Kari teased, squeezing his stomach's sides lightly. TK began to break out in laughter, scrabbling playfully at Kari's hands at his waist.

"Hey, hey!" He yelled, grabbing Kari's wrists. "That's it!" He spun around after wriggling out of Kari's grip and grabbed her stomach in retaliation. He began squeezing back, causing Kari to break out in a fit of giggles.

"Is this gonna turn into something?" Davis asked, holding up his right index finger by his face. "Because I should probably leave then..." He continued watching the childish, yet nigh erotic, tickle fight. "Yeah, I'm just gonna go..." he pointed with his thumb at the front door.

"Oh, don't be ridiculous." TK called out to Davis as he pushed Kari away.

"It's just a thing we do when he-" she pointed at TK emphatically, "-gets too grumpy and miserly."

"It works!" TK said with mock exuberance. "I feel happier and more charitable already!" 

"Yeah, well, I'm pretty sure that 'thing' is reserved for couples, so please." Davis insisted.

"Haven't you ever heard of friends with benefits?" TK countered, raising his eyebrows twice suggestively.

"Yeah, well...whatever." Davis said resignedly. "Are you in a happy enough mood to let me take the food without biting my damn head off?"

TK glared at Davis's chest. "Hey, I'm only happy with her, not you. Take your damn food and get out of here!" He gestured with his left hand at the door. "As for your head, I can't make any promises!"

"Ugh..." Davis looked around awkwardly for a second, then raised his hands up by his hips and started slowly advancing on TK. "C'mon...don't be like-" he started to say forcefully.

"Don't you goddamn dare." TK cut him off flatly, crossing his arms over his chest and shooting a nasty look like a bullet into his chest area.

Davis let his hands fall to his sides, shoulders slumping. "Fine, fine. I promise this is the last time." He sighed, wrapping his hands around the collection of boxes he had placed on the counter.

At that moment, a knock came at the door. TK marched up to it, grabbed the knob, and twisted it, allowing the door to swing open a few inches. He peeked through the crack in the door, seeing Ken standing in the threshhold.

"The food court's closed until further notice." TK abruptly stated. "I'm out of food. And while we're at it, I'm out of patience for you people coming and going as you please to steal my food."

"I don't need your food." Ken replied powerfully. "I come bearing only good news and great news!"

TK let the door swing open all the way, giving Ken passage within the dorm. "I've already got my great news." TK remarked as Ken strolled in. "One less person jacking my eats."

"Oh come on. That was just a temporary thing until I got things rolling again." Ken countered, reaching into his inside jacket pocket. "Well, things are back to the way they used to be!" He whipped out a white, rectangular slip of paper and slammed it down on the counter. He moonwalked backwards, pointing at it with his right index finger. "Bam!"

TK, Kari and Davis crowded around the check, peering down at the string of letters and numbers that ran across it. Davis gave a low whistle and TK pursed his lips, impressed.

"So you're back on the other side?" TK asked excitedly. "From moocher to moochie, as it would be?"

"Hey, check the figures and you tell me." Ken replied airily. "It's the hair! You guys were spot on! With my new black locks I am rolling in offers!" He performed a quick three sixty spin on his left foot, coming to a quick halt when the rotation had come complete.

"Good for you." TK acknowledged, clapping his hands together in front of his chest. "Good for me too, these guys were about to suck me dry." He pointed at Davis and Kari. "Can you guys leech onto him for awhile? That'd be great."

"I believe we were promised some _great_ news?" Davis asked, now bored with the check.

Ken then reached into his outside left hip jacket pocket. The hand came out clutching a small white envelope, bulging with some unknown objects within. He tossed it down onto the island counter, pointing at it with his right index finger. "Check it out!" He encouraged.

TK quickly grabbed the entanglement of white paper that made up the envelope and folded the unsealed flap upwards. He removed a small stack of thick, retangular pieces of paper, each showing a picture of a well-built man clad in a green jersey that had '20' in bold letters across the front and a green helmet, along with small type along the bottom, on the front. TK's eyes lit up at the realization of what they were.

"Who'd you have to murder?" He asked teasingly, passing the bundle of tickets to Davis.

"Aw, it was nothing. She was old, had a bad hip, probably grateful I put her out of her misery." Ken played along.

"Eagles tickets!" Davis cheered. "I thought they were sold out for the rest of the year."

"The chess club bought a bunch of tickets awhile back." Ken explained. "Then they realized they don't even like football, so they decided to unload them. Twenty bucks a piece, I couldn't say no!"

"You're damn right you couldn't say no!" TK lauded, patting Ken on the back. "That's a hell of a steal!"

Ken nodded. "They wanted thirty, but I offered to take the lot." He grabbed the stack back from Davis. "We've got twenty-five here, so I need to do some auctioning. Are you guys in?" He spun his finger around at TK, then Davis.

"Yeah...and I'll take Curtis too. I owe him." TK replied, rubbing his lower lip.

Davis nodded. "Of course I'm in! This is a rare opportunity if I've ever seen one."

"Oh, of course, it must be _impossible _for the girl to like football, isn't it?" Kari said, turning away from the three boys in mock anger, sticking her nose up in the air.

"Do you?" TK asked, looking at her back.

"I dunno." She shrugged, lowering her face.

"Then what're you complaining about?" TK said exasperatedly.

"You guys assumed it! That's...sexism, it's gender profiling!" Kari insisted, spinning back around to face the three boys. "It's like you with the bums." She pointed at TK.

"Okay, fine." TK rolled his eyes. "I'm sorry." He began in a false sweet voice. "Would you like to come?" 

"...alright." She replied defiantly, glaring at TK, Davis and Ken in turn. "Yeah, put me down. And...I'll take Michelle." She nodded strongly, slid over to her can of soup and fish, grabbed them, and marched out without another word.

TK shrugged after the door slammed shut. "Must be that time of the month." He muttered.

"Well...we _did_ assume she wouldn't have wanted to go-" Ken conceded.

"Rightfully!" TK insisted. "She only wants to go because she thinks we thought that she wouldn't have wanted to have gone!"

Davis sucked his cheeks into his mouth for a second, looking up at the ceiling. "She thinks...we thought...no, no..she wouldn't have wanted...she thinks...she thinks..."

"She's spiting us by going because we assumed she didn't want to!" TK clarified, glaring at the confused Davis.

"Oh. Oh, yeah." Davis said distractedly. "Right, yeah, that time of the month."

"So...me, TK, Davis, Kari, Curtis, Michelle, and Jamilia-" Ken started counting off, but was quickly cut off.

"Jamila?" TK asked, raising his right eyebrow. "You're taking your foreign maid?"

"She's not my maid!" Ken hissed, casting his eyes about shadily.

"Uhm, yes, she is." Davis backed TK up. "And you love it."

"She's my indentured servant." Ken argued, putting his fists up onto the counter. "And to be honest, it's actually very uncomfortable. I'm morally forbidden from making a move on her so long as she's required to do everything I say!"

"Yeah." TK responded dryly. "You've got a beautiful woman living with you who'll do whatever you ask her to. That must be _horrible_ for you."

"Oh, shut up." Ken growled. "If you were in my shoes, you might understand how nasty this situation really is."

"I don't need to be in your shoes." TK insisted. "I had a wetdream once exactly like this, except it was Heidi Klum instead of Jamila."

"Oh, grow up." Ken moaned, shoving the tickets back into the white envelope and throwing the envelope back into his pocket. "Anyway, Jamila doesn't know a thing about American culture. She's like an alien...or an unprogrammed robot, if you will. It's my right, duty, and responsibility to program her with knowledge concerning the American way of life. I dunno if she likes, or was meant to like, football, but I'm gonna teach her _how_ to like it." He grinned and winked.

"Well, that's just classic Ken right there." Davis teased. "A robot?"

"It's accurate!" Ken replied defensively. "Besides, we'll see who's laughing when I've got a supermodel who likes football, console role playing games, and science fiction movies." He nodded contently.

"I can't argue with that." TK admitted. "Hell, if Kari ends up liking football, I might just have to take a second bite at the apple."

"Clearly an interest in football from both parties can overcome a mountain of incompatibility." Davis said sarcastically.

"Opposites attract, my friend." TK countered quickly.

"Apparently not." Davis retorted lightly, goading TK.

"Hey, I didn't end it. She did." TK growled. "Y'know, I thought things were going fine, I was ready to set in for the long haul-"

"You don't think there was a reason?" Ken joined in, raising his left eyebrow. Ken and Davis had never really gone into the messy details of the TK-Kari relationship that hadn't panned out, part out of sensitivity, part out of feeling the general reason was obvious. "I've never even talked to her about it, and _I_ know the reason!"

TK shrugged nonchalantly. "She probably realized she wasn't good enough for me and decided to be honorable and end it before we wasted too much time."

"Obviously." Davis responded in a gravelly voice.

"I don't know." TK said truthfully. "And I don't really care."

"You don't care?" Ken chuckled. "Hoo boy." He shook his head.

"Why should I care?" TK asked quietly. "It's over, nothing I can do about it, is it so wrong that I just want to move on? Besides, nobody gets into long-term relationships with their elementary school sweetheart."

"That's really not the point." Ken argued. "You see-"

"Y'know, I _really_ don't care to talk about this." TK stated tiredly. "Can you guys leave? I've gotta...do something."

"If you were willing to confront your own personal flaws, you might be able to 'do something' with Kari instead of-"

"Pencil in the eye, Davis." TK threatened flatly. "Pencil in the eye."

"Okay okay." Davis grumbled.

"I've gotta go find eighteen buyers." Ken said quickly, moving towards the door. "Sunday morning, be there!" He shouted before sliding through the doorway and slamming the door shut behind him with force.

"So...we're good now, right?" Davis inquired, his voice a little higher than usual.

"Oh no, your eye is about to get acquainted with some pencil led." TK answered sarcastically, walking back over to the couch and leaping onto it. "If only the American justice system didn't exist, in any case. Stop taking things so seriously and get out." He pointed across his chest with his left index finger at the door.

"No...I mean, about the..." he nervously pointed at the fridge, then letting his pointed finger sweep over the cabinets up against the wall. "food, you know? I mean, now that Ken-"

"Did you hear what I said? Like, five minutes ago?" TK asked disbelievingly. "Or do you just choose to not care?"

"Well, yeah, but the situation's changed!" Davis replied pleadingly. "Me and Kari mooching off you and Ken has been a huge part of our relationship for a year now, you can't just take that away! You were only complaining now because Ken wasn't taking pressure off you!"

"Please do me a favor and start a job hunt by monday." TK demanded mechanically, reaching his left hand under the couch.

"Oh, come on!" Davis begged. "It was a great system! It worked! It had balance! Don't mess with what works! The balance is back now, it'll be fine!"

"No taking of food without permission from my dorm until you obtain a job and start buying your own food and extend the mooching privileges to me. Now be honest, do I need to take your key?"

"I thought this was how things were going to be!" Davis contined to whine, holding his hands out towards TK. "You guys rich, we poor! You give, we take!"

Unaffected, TK reached over to the newspaper roll on the coffee table. He snatched it up and unfurled it, letting several sections fall to the floor in a rough heap. Finally, he was holding only the classified section in his hand. He rolled it up into a tight rod and hurled it at Davis. It hit him square in the face, bouncing off and landing on the floor at his feet. Davis hung his head and sighed in defeat.

"Have fun!" TK exclaimed, waving Davis away.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I gotta say, you may as well have taken Davis's genitals." Ken told TK as they stood at the bus station. It was a cool, breezy day, the wind slightly ruffling all hair, loose items of clothes, and anything else in the area that could be ruffled. A dull grey extended in all directions, be it the color of the road that went as far as the eye could see both to the left and right of the group, the sidewalk that they stood on that flanked the road wherever it went, or the general dead grey of the sky. It was almost depressing. It would have been, were it not sunday morning, and were the grouping of seven individuals not heading to a packed stadium of sixty thousand to watch a rousing game of professional football.

"Well, if I don't stop it now, it's never gonna end. I'm gonna be laying on my deathbed in a nursing home, and he'll still be taking my fake teeth without permission." TK reasoned. "There needs to be, at the very least, balance. If he can jack my food, I should be able to jack his food, that sort of thing."

"It's not like letting them take stuff from you is actually..._hurting_ you." Ken countered. "I don't have a problem with it anyway."

"Well good. Because they'll be coming for you twice as much now." TK nodded. "It's not about getting hurt, it's about...not being looked upon as a parent figure by my friends. They need to start providing for themselves."

"I have to say, mooching off you really was Davis's livelyhood." Ken said under his breath.

"Well, he'll have to get over it." TK replied, finality in his voice.

Ken turned to look at his companion to Lincoln Financial field. Jamila was seated on the bus stop's bench, under the glass cover which protected the bench from the punishment of rain and snow. She was picking at the ashtray built into the left armrest of the bench. Ken's eyes popped open as she pulled out a light brown cigarette butt with her left hand from the filthy pit and put it up to her face.

"Erm, no." Ken said uneasily, moving over towards her and grabbing her left wrist lightly. "That's...that's not a toy."

"You work with the mentally handicapped?" Michelle asked, standing in front of the bus stop, flanked by Kari and Davis. Michelle's physical build was, to best define it, average. She was around five foot five, perhaps, and a hundred and twenty pounds, with the proportions you might expect from a woman. She had short, red hair that stopped right above her shoulders, skin a shade below pale, and wore a conservative light pink dress skirt. "That's...great!"

"No." Ken replied, grabbing the dirty butt out of Jamila's hand and quickly dropping it back into the tray. "She's foreign, actually."

"Well, sure, but she can't be all there, can she?" Michelle questioned. "I mean, they don't put used cigarette butts in their mouth in...Arabia, do they?" She shrugged.

"Yeah..." Ken licked his lips and squinted at Jamila. "I don't think she understands...anything in terms of this culture. She probably came from a primitive tribe of some sort."

"You don't know?" Curtis questioned, casting a suspicious glance at Jamila. "I mean, yeah, she's beautiful, but you aren't concerned?"

"If I tell her to leave, she attempts hara-kiri." Ken explained, his face tightening uneasily. "I know it's...highly irregular, but I'd feel terrible if she killed herself because of me."

"If I were you, I'd feel even worse if you got killed because of her." Curtis reasoned.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take." Ken finalized, nodding.

"Alright, here we go!" Davis cried, looking down the street to the left with childlike anticipation. An oversized city bus, decked out in Eagle green everywhere paint could be applied and a large Eagles logo along the side, was cruising alongside the curb, slowing to a halt as it approached the stop.

"Y'know, we could avoid this whole thing if I could just buy a car." TK spoke in an annoyed tone.

"Then buy a car." Kari replied tartily, watching the bus roll closer.

"I can't, you two jackasses-" he pointed at Kari and Davis "-guilt trip me every time I buy stuff! Remember when I got the big screen last year? Or started wearing gold rings six months ago? Now I practically live with you guys, so your inane jealously of my income has become a part of my life." He folded his arms over his chest, pouting.

"I'd be okay if you got a car." Davis said nonchalantly.

"The television was a vanity purchase, and the rings were just...gay." Kari said dismissively. "If you wanna buy a car, don't let us...subliminally tell you not to."

"Well what if it's a nice car?" TK asked as the bus pulled to a stop in front of them.

"Well, I probably couldn't help but roll my eyes at the sight of a college student driving around in a...Mercedes." Kari conceded.

"See, there you go." TK pouted. "You're turning into the green monster of jealousy! Be happy for my success!"

"C'mon. A college student in a luxury car." Davis said dryly. "That's just ridiculous."

"Green monster of jealously!" TK spat, pointing at Davis accusingly with his right index finger. Just then, the bus gave a great wheeze. The side doors slid open to the sides, revealing a trio of black steps leading up to a bus driver, seated on a worn black leather seat. Before him were the controls of a bus, a frayed and old steering wheel, a sticky black dashboard, and a lever just to his right. "I hate buses." TK complained under his breath as he stepped up onto the first seat. "They're too cheap to ride. Impovished people use buses for gods' sake!" His eyes darted around as he gave an involuntary shudder, his glance dancing from black cushioned bench to black cushioned bench. "Bums and homeless people can afford to ride the bus! I can feel their filthy little germs everywhere!" He threw his head back and forth wildly, looking every which direction. "I'll bet they even urinated in here-"

"You know, I can hear you." The bus driver spoke suddenly. He was a shorter, slightly overweight man with an awkward poof of blond hair and well-tanned skin.

"I'm not talking about _you._" TK replied unsymphathetically. "It just so happens the transport you drive for a living houses the scum of humanity." His eyes darted around inside the bus shadily. "Though...I suppose you chose this line of work, didn't you?"

"Well...it's not a great job, but someone has to do it." The driver insisted, looking out the window to his left.

"Not for long." TK replied, his eyes narrowing. "Within five years all public transportation will be handled by computers. A robot's gonna take your job before long." He leaned in, over the black metal box meant for bus fares. "Are you scared?" He hissed in a low voice.

"Are you gonna pay? Or do I have to break out the old bouncer skills and give you the bumrush?" The bus driver asked, uninterested in his banter.

TK's hand darted into his left jacket pocket, then coming out holding a five dollar bill. He slid it into the slot at the top of the black box, slamming it down into the pile of other dollars and change. "Keep the change. You'll need it." He said eerily before turning to his right and proceeding down the bus.

"Don't mind him." Kari said, genuinely embarrassed as she stepped up next to the toll box. "It's just his time of the month." She reached into her right hand pocket on her red jacket. "Hold on a second." She felt around with her hand inside the pocket of red, smooth fabric. Her face began to turn the same color as the jacket as she continued to feel nothing but the cloth. "Ermm...I know I put money in here somewhere..." After deducing she must have made a mistake, she threw a pleading glance down the bus at TK, who was seated on a bench four rows back, scooting over to the window seat. "Could I-"

r

"Sorry. It's my time of the month." TK growled sarcastically, stopping just by the window, propping his elbow up against the sill and placing his hand on his cheek.

"I got it." Ken said comfortingly, tapping Kari out of the way as he ascended the stairs, Jamila at his hip. He reached into his own black jacket's pocket and pulled out a bloated fist. He held it over the black box and began dumping the contents out, sending a stream of silver quarters down into the concave box top and down through the slot.

"Oh, hey, I forgot my money too!" Davis said loudly, standing behind Ken and Jamila on the last step up to the bus. "Damn! Ken, could you-"

"Then you must be extremely happy to see somebody." Ken responded tiredly. Davis's eyes darted down to his waist. His wallet, sitting in his pants' pocket, was creating a large bulge in the general area of his crotch.

"Oh...whaddya know?" He said sheepishly, reaching down to remove the leather billfold.

"Apparently more than you." Ken replied, walking down the bus. Kari had taken a seat seven rows down. The bus was packed with people, so sitting together as a group would prove impossible. Ken, holding Jamila's hand proceeded nearly a dozen rows down before finding an empty two-seater. Davis, Curtis, and Michelle followed suit by dumping money into the tin and proceeding down the bus. The hydralics of the bus door forced the glass gateway closed.

TK motioned towards Curtis, indicating he wanted him to sit next to him. Curtis obliged, taking several steps down the path and settling down next to TK.

"You ever been?" TK asked quietly, looking out the window as the bus began to move.

"Twice. First time in five years though." Curtis replied. "Thanks for this, by the way. I don't really make much money, so usually I don't have the means to even try to do this."

"I owe you. Saved my ass with that deciphering, I was dead in the water without those." TK responded. "Besides, don't thank me. Ken got the tickets."

"Uh-huh." Curtis said vaguely, turning his head around to look further back into the bus. "What's the story with you and...and...Kari?" He asked, keeping his voice low.

TK furrowed his brow and turned his glance to the back of the seat before him. "We're just friends." He responded simply.

"You sure?" Curtis leaned in close to TK's ear. "I'm thinking about...y'know, making a move, I don't want to step on your toes or anything."

TK nodded. "Nah, there's nothing there. Not anymore, go right ahead."

"If you don't mind me asking...what happened?" Curtis dared to question. "I mean, what's the story with you and her?"

TK's lips tightened. "Well...we've know each other for over a decade. Always...y'know, casual friends. At some point, we just...made the natural transition." TK gave a quick smile, which faded as soon as it came. "I don't even know when, it just...happened. I guess we might have been around thirteen."

"First love?" Curtis inquired, leaning in, genuinely interested.

"For both of us." TK answered. "It lasted...I guess over three years. Huh." TK's eyes squinted as he looked up at the roof of the bus. "I never really thought about it...three years. That's a long time." His head snapped back down level. "Anyway, I guess about a...I dunno, year ago, she just ended it."

"But you're still friends?" Curtis put his right hand up to his chin in thought. "That's...that's really something."

"It was a very clean break." TK added. "She just went up to me one day, said we needed to talk, and just started talking. The relationship...really wasn't going anywhere, looking back on it. It was just..._there._ Going on, and on, never really advancing or showing alot of potential. So she just said we need to stop messing around and go one way or the other. We decided to...end it peacefully. There wasn't any spite or hate in it...we just realized there was something incompatible there, and agreed to see other people. Just be friends."

"Wow." Curtis exclaimed quietly. "That's...quite something."

"I suppose." TK shrugged. "For so many years, people had been...almost expecting us to get together, as if it was preordained or something. That's probably why it seemed so natural. But, in reality, you have no idea how...unfair something like that is." He blinked hard. "On the outside, it seems like we were meant to wind up together, but...that doesn't give people the right to anticipate it and expect it. People change, people grow up. I showed some...interest in her in grade school, so people start planning the wedding. C'mon now."

"That is pretty ridiculous." Curtis agreed. "If you don't mind me asking...things did start off well enough, right?"

TK nodded. "At the start, I'm not gonna lie, it did almost seem meant to be. But the concept of being meant to be with someone is a foolish...childish fantasy that passes when you get older."

"What is it that...happened, specifically, that caused the breakup?" Curtis continued to prod.

TK shrugged. "I dunno. She said something about that...I wasn't really listening." His pupils whirled around to Curtis, who was giving him a confused look. TK gave a weak laugh. "Y'know, she decided to have this talk no less than two hours after I picked up Metal Gear Solid 4, so...yeah." He finished lamely. "I don't really care to be honest. I mean, people change as they get older. Nobody marries their childhood sweetheart anyway."

Curtis turned back around, looking down the bus at Kari a couple seats away. "Well, alright. I don't want to...cause any problems with you, make you feel uncomfortable or anything, so if you have any problems with me-"

"I've had a year to get past it." TK interrupted, rubbing his forehead. "Take your best shot. She's a good girl. She's smart, funny, likable, nice, pretty...I mean, me and her make fantastic friends, it just didn't work out as lovers."

Curtis gave a small smirk. "That's a nasty day. Your girl drops two of the most hated four word phrases in relationship history within the same hour."

"Huh?" TK inquired dimly.

"'We need to talk' and 'Let's just be friends'. That's a nasty one-two. That's almost the trifeckta." Curtis explained.

"What's the third?" TK asked.

"'Who's bra is this?'" Curtis replied quickly.

"But of course." TK conceded, leaning back heavily into the bench.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"So you wouldn't mind if I was to hit on TK...say, today at the game? Maybe ask him out? You're sure there's nothing going on between you two?" Michelle continued to goad Kari, leaning close to her, talking quietly so as not to be overheard.

"Not for the last year." Kari replied, running her fingers through her chesnut hair. "You have my permission to go for it, in any case. I don't think you need to ask for it, but okay."

"So...there used to be something?" Michelle asked, looking around quickly for fear of people listening in.

"Yeah." Kari answered, looking out the window at the urban environment speeding by. "Lasted years...but it never really went anywhere." He cleared her throat quietly. "I mean, I guess it started when we were thirteen...it's hard to say." She swallowed. "I don't want to get into too much detail, but...he was different then. When we were younger...we went through alot together. I thought I really knew him." Her lips pursed. "Well, he changed. I dunno why, or if anything in particular happened to cause it, but...I dunno." She shrugged.

"So would you advise against trying something?" Michelle asked. "If you don't mind...why didn't it go anywhere?"

"He used to be such a...model person. He stood for all that was good and true in the world, so innocent, so...delicate. And then, over time, he just turned into someone who was more...immature." She shrugged again. "Less caring, less heroic, more apathetic. It was odd to be sure, and...I just decided that I could be friends with this person, but didn't think I could be in a serious relationship with him anymore."

"So basically, he stopped acting like a woman?" Michelle questioned.

"No, no...it's difficult to define. Dating him used to be like...dating Superman. Then, it turned into dating Clark Kent. It used to be like dating Jason Bourne, but it turned into dating David Webb. Like dating Paul McCartney in The Beatles, but it turned into Paul McCartney in Wings."

"Since when is innocence attractive anyway?" Michelle asked rhetorically. "He grew a pair of balls, that's what it sounds like to me. If he was always such a goody two-shoes, where's the fun?"

"It's not innocence!" Kari insisted. "It's...heroism. There's a difference. I don't think I could really love TK now, with who he's become. But there weren't any hard feelings over it, we just went right back to being friends." Kari finished. "He's a great guy. He's already got a steady job, obviously in college, good-looking, kind within reason, funny...if you wanna take a shot, go ahead, I'm not gonna get in the way."

"Sounds good to me." She threw a look up the bus at TK. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't...very interested in him."

"He can do that." Kari conceded. "That's one of the benefits of being friends. We walk around together and people assume things. He's great arm candy."

"He's probably saying the same thing about you." Michelle remarked, peering up the bus.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Window." Ken said strongly, grabbing Jamila's right wrist and pressing her palm up against the cool glass pane. "Window." He repeated.

"Take your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape." She said suddenly, heavily accented but clear enough to understand. In shock, Ken let her hand go and recoiled from her. After several awkward seconds, she turned to him and smiled again, clearly unaware of the meaning behind what she had just said.

"Jamila...what?" Ken asked hopefully, wondering what else he could provoke.

"Is nice?" Jamila asked mystically, running her right hand through her flowing black hair.

"Oh...oh my god. Your first words!" Ken said, inspite of himself and the surroundings. "You did it!" He jumped up out of the seat and began shouting, calling attention to himself from those on the bus. "You're learning English! Oh my _god!_ Your first words!" He began gesculating wildly with his hands in the air.

"Hey, you gonna be a problem?" The bus driver shouted, looking in the rearview mirror at Ken. "This isn't a plane, I can stop and kick people out any time."

"Sorry." Ken said meekly, letting his arms droop to his side and falling back into his seat. He excitedly turned to Jamila, even as people continued to stare. "You're already doing it! A few days in this country, you're already learning the language! Magnificent!" He leaned in closely. "You...you must have picked it up from television! I knew television could be an effective learning tool!"

"I'm Rick James, bitch." She said out of nowhere, distractedly combing her hair with her fingers.

"Ehm..." Ken took a deep breath. "...but of course, even the best laid plans have...a downside. Let's talk about...understanding what we're saying before we say it." Ken said uneasily. "I don't suppose using a...rolled up newspaper to indicate disapproval would work in this situation?"

"Quite frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn." She spoke, again with solid clarity.

"Okay, that's...enough talking for now." Ken said quickly, putting his right index finger up to her lips. "Can you be quiet? You know how to do that, right? You can talk all you want when we get home."

Suddenly, she peered past Ken, across the bus at one of the passengers. He was wearing a large, heavy fur coat that was colored rather haphazardly, with red, blue, green, pink, and yellow splotches all over with no regard for symmetry. Inspite of the ridiculous garb, he bore a shaven head and one could make out his muscles through the fluffy jacket. "That's some outfit." Jamila said loudly, in the direction of the man, who turned his head to acknowledge her. "It makes you look like a homosexual."

A general gasp passed over the surrounding bus riders, as they all turned towards Jamila, who was still looking dimly at the man, oblivious to the meaning of what she had just said.

Ken, on the contrary, had gone wide-eyed at the statement, recoiling back onto his side of the two seat bench. He threw a quick glance over at the man, who's face had curled into a grimace at the comment. He was beginning to get up. Ken inched away from Jamila unconsciously, trying to distance himself from her stigma.

"What the hell?" The man growled, advancing towards the pair. "What the hell did you just say?"

Ken resorted to staring at the back of the seat in front of him, gripping his thighs tightly, trying not to make any sudden movements. He could hear the voice get closer and closer, and with each increase in volume he felt the amount of sweat on his body increase.

He started to breath heavily as the man stopped right next to the unfortunate college student and the unaware foreigner. "Do you know this girl?"

Ken continued to stare in front of him, forcing a strained smile, focusing on maintaining his breathing. In and out, in and out...

"I said..._do you know this girl?_" He repeated, standing so close to Ken now he could feel his breath exhaling over his head as he spoke.

Ken swallowed an excess of saliva, making an audible gulp as it went down his throat. "Me...Me llamo Juan." He said meekly, his voice dancing from octave to octave with each syllable with the inconsistancy of a politician on a lie detector.

"What?" The man asked, roughly grabbing Ken's collar and pulling up, not enough to actually pull him off the chair, but enough to cause discomfort. "What was that?"

"Me llamo Juan." Ken repeated quietly, almost as if he was hoping the man wouldn't be able to hear him. "No hablo Ingles." Ken, while a formidable fighter, knew he couldn't overcome the raw strength and power this man seemed to possess, and was interested in avoiding a fight entirely.

"I know a mexican when I see one, and you're not a mexican!" The man hissed. People began crowding around the pair of people in excitement. Curiously, the bus driver made no effort to stop the impending violence.

"Me llamo Juan." Ken repeated, hoping the man would simply give up and leave. "No mi gusto confrontaciónes."

"What's a jap doing talking in spanish?" The man said gruffly, pulling up slightly on his collar again, pulling him up towards his face. "Besides, I _heard _you screaming in English earlier."

"Me llamo Juan! Me llamo Juan!" Ken said frantically, desparately trying to defuse the confrontation.

Quite suddenly, slicing through the air, the blade of a long dagger appeared between himself and the man, pressing against the fat neck of the man.

Silence swept over the surrounding crowd, even as the bus bumped and rolled it's way down the street. Clearly afraid one of the said bumps might force the knife into his throat, the man with the odd jacket let Ken go and backed off almost immediately.

As soon as Ken had been let go, he turned to Jamila, who was holding out the aformented dagger, a stony, serious look on her face.

"Oh...oh Jamila...you really can't take blades like that out into public!" He said exasperatedly, grabbing the dagger handle from her, slipping it from her grip, and sliding it back into it's pocket on her hip. "You just...you just never know how people might look on something like that! I don't know how things were where you come from, but we have...police and such here!" He exhaled a large breath. "But...I do suppose you saved me some trouble right there, so...thank you."

She gave her small, tinny giggle again, causing Ken to go red. "But...I need you to get rid of the dagger, and please stop watching FOX." He instructed.

"Some of the weirdos you find on these buses..." he could hear the jacketed man say, back in his seat.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Thanks alot for leaving me out." Davis whined after settling down in his seat, section 225, row G, seat 1. "I had to sit in the back of the bus all by my damn self."

"Well I'm sorry, they don't make bus benches for three people." TK said sarcastically, himself seated in seat 2 of the same row. "Besides, it's your fault you haven't made any outside friends."

"You guys didn't either." Davis grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest. "You guys just happened to find friends on _accident_. The only reason TK has a friend is because some guy happened to glance at the contents of a trash can! And happens to be the only person in the world who can read said contents!" He threw his hands up into the air frustratedly. "And Kari...well, the odds of you dating Ray Charles were big enough, but the odds of someone in the immediate area giving a damn about it have got to be astronomical!" He threw nasty looks down the row at his six companions. "And I'm not even touching the Ken situation."

"You know, we're right here." Curtis said from Seat 3, squinting at Davis. "I don't go around all day looking inside trash cans, you know. I'm enrolled in college just like you."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Davis replied grumpily. "I'm pretty sure some homeless guy was coming onto me back there."

"See? There you go! He might have just been a poorly attired guy trying to make conversation, but nooo, he just _has_ to be a 'bum' who's 'hitting on you'. See, this is why you don't have friends." Ken said casually from seat 6. He was gripping the hand of Jamila, who was in seat 7, tightly, trying to avoid future confrontations.

"Hey, I've made more of an effort than all three of you put together!" Davis insisted. "It's not my fault there's something wrong with everyone! You guys got lucky!" He turned away from the crowd, looking in the aisle, pouting.

"Alright, here we go!" TK said, ending the awkward conversation. Sure enough, a sea of people in green jerseys and helmets piled out of the far locker room, jumping around and waving energetically to the crowd. Loud hair metal played in the background as the pregame ritual began. The stadium erupted into applause as the several dozen players and handful of coaches approached the sideline and began preparing for the game. TK, Kari, Davis, Ken, Curtis, and Michelle settled for sitting back and giving lazy applause, while Jamila looked confused, perhaps frightened.

"Weapon X!" Davis yelled across the field in the direction of a powerfully built Eagle player, the one who had been pictured on the tickets to the game. "WE LOVE YOU!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, though he was barely heard over the loudspeaker's music and screams of the crowd.

"His name his Weapon X?" Kari asked, in seat 5, looking up blankly at Davis. "What kind of parents would-"

"It's his nickname!" TK hissed, slamming his fist down on his armrest, wrinkling his nose. "It's a nickname!"

"Okay, sorry..." she rolled her eyes. "How could I have known that?" 

"Weapon X is not a name!" TK said through gritted teeth, clenching his fists. "His name is Brian Dawkins, and could you please show some respect? He's retiring after this year." He straightened himself back up in his seat, leaning back against the cushion behind him. "If we were lifelong Eagles fans, we'd be emotional wrecks right about now."

"Okay, so, you guys wanna get some food down here?" Ken asked loudly, pulling a small electronic device out from a holder lodged into the back of the seat right in front of him. "Check it out? Every person in the stadium can just call food orders up to the venders with these!" He exclaimed.

The five to his right looked down at the seats in front of them, and sure enough, the devices were present. One by one, they were removed from the slots in the back of the chairs.

"Americans." Davis muttered. "I really can't believe how hard they work at being lazy."

"Then you can go get your food the 20th century way." TK said dryly, pushing the keys of the mini-keyboard on the device with his thumbs. "Nobody's forcing you."

"Well, as...as long as it's here, I may as well use it." Davis said defensively. "They spent a ton of money on this, who am I to go against the system."

"Fight the power, Davis." Ken remarked, even as he began inputting an order on the device. "Fight that power."

"So you can name _all_ the players on the field off the top of your head?" Kari asked loudly, looking at the players parading around on the field.

"I can name most of em." TK responded. "Without looking at the back of their jerseys, that is."

"Oh look...Muhammad." Kari said, pointing at one of the Eagles across the field, the top back of his jersey reading 'Muhammad' along with large white numbers on his back that arranged in a '42'. "You think he and Jamila might know each other?" 

TK's head fell over onto his chest. He clapped his hands over his face. "Can you please? Just...just don't talk, preferably for the entire game. I don't want to have to answer any blonde questions regarding football...so no asking why the ball is shaped like an oval, or why they call if football if only a couple of players actually use their feet to move the ball, or...anything else like that!"

"I know football!" Kari replied nastily, sounding slightly hurt.

"Uh-huh, yeah." TK leaned back into his chair. "Me, Ken and Davis are having a little bet on the game. You want in? Guess how many home runs are gonna be scored in the game total."

"Well...I guess put me down for five dollars on-" she blinked a couple of times, her face going blank. "Wait..."

"I rest my case." TK said with finality. "No dumb questions."

"Ooh, fast service!" Davis commented. He had his head turned about, facing up the staircase of the aisle. A teenaged boy was quickly stepping down the concrete staircase, carrying a large tray of food. He stopped when he came adjacent to the row where the order had been taken, and began passing down various snack foods and drinks.

"Reap the fruits of your tax dollars." The server wheezed as he handed a cardboard box set with paper, on which nachos swimming in cheese were laid out, over to Davis, who began handing it down the row.

"Actually, we just moved here." Davis said smarmily. "I'm afraid your government hasn't seen a penny of our tax dollars yet."

"Sir, if there wasn't a fifty dollar penalty for doing so, I'd dump this glass of cherry coke on that beautiful head of hair of yours." The puberty-infected boy squeaked indignantly. "Instead, I place a curse on that lovely hairdo, the curse of a thousand tax audits in the future. Enjoy your stay in our country!" After passing a large tub of popcorn down the row, he marched away.

"What the hell just happened here?" Davis asked, looking uneasily up at the back of the server.

"Shoulda kept your mouth shut." Ken teased. "Enjoy your yearly tax audits for the rest of your life!"

"Nachos are mine." Michelle said, reaching towards TK, who was holding said cardboard box.

"Sure thing." TK replied, passing them down the line.

"So...you'll be happy to know, I _am_ job hunting." Davis growled. "Thanks to you, my evenings are gonna be stuffed to the brim, and we'll probably see some spillover into my nights. And don't think my grades will be spared, either! If I fail any of my classes, I will blame _you!_"

"That's a shame." TK replied lightly, indifferent to Davis's plight. "You know, you're not the only college student in the world who has to hold down a job."

"But I don't _have_ to!" Davis pouted. "I have a wealthy fri-"

"I am not wealthy!" TK interrupted, casting glances in all directions at the surrounding audience. "And for the love of god, don't say that in public!"

"Relax. Philly's a blue collar city, people around these parts work for their money." Davis said casually.

"That's a nice dream." TK replied. "But nothing more."

"_Oh my god!"_ Michelle squealed. Her companions on either side of her turned towards her. She had dropped her nacho box to the ground, in apparent shock, going very red.

"Michelle?" Kari asked, staring at the object in her right hand. It was covered in nacho cheese, and was hard to make out, but it appeared to be less than an inch in diameter. "You alright?"

"Did you find a finger?" Curtis asked. "Y'know we could sue the Eagles' organization for millions if you found a finger. That'd be awesome."

"TK!" Michelle said loudly. "I...I...oh my _god!_" She repeated, fighting for breath.

Kari raised her right hand up to snatch the object from her fingers. Quickly, having dislodged it from her grip, she wiped the cheese away to reveal a small golden finger ring with a single ruby enlodged in the band and sticking out prominently.

"Oh, TK! I do! I do!" Michelle screamed, throwing herself over Curtis to get to TK. "It'll be wonderful! We'll have a small wedding, and then we'll live in the country, and we'll-"

TK finally glanced down the row, even as Michelle clawed at his trenchcoat in joy. Kari was holding up the small golden ring inbetween her thumb and forefinger, glaring disapprovingly at TK.

"You manwhore!" She hissed.

"What..." A sudden revelation hit TK. "Wait...what?!" He began pushing at Michelle, who was still blathering on about her vision of the future. "Michelle, I'm terribly sorry, but-"

"Oh, you don't like cats? It's fine, we can get a dog!" She said, sounding slightly hysterical.

"Michelle, please!" TK said, standing up and grabbing her wrists. "Michelle, I'm...flattered, but...I don't just drop wedding rings in nacho cheese boxes and hand them out to girls I barely know! There's been a mistake! A big, big-"

"Cold feet already? Well, by the wedding I'll have that unfortunate little habit worked out!" She answered ignorantly.

Suddenly, a hand reached down from the above row and snatched the ring from Kari's hand. Having failed to see it coming, she looked up in minor shock at the offending hand.

"Humph!" A middle-aged woman spat, sliding the ring onto her right hand ring finger. "Kids and their sticky fingers these days..."

"No...no, it was-" Kari attempted to cover, but the woman had already turned away to converse with the man next to her.

Ken grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down into her chair. "Let it go, pray she doesn't report us, and get on with your life." He said out of the corner of his mouth after she had sat back down.

"But there's been a misunderstanding!" Kari said, grimacing.

"She's obviously not right in the head, now don't compound this by opening your mouth, please." Ken replied through gritted teeth.

Michelle had only begun to calm down, slowly coming back down to earth from the unexpected proposal. "And...you know, I know a really great nursing home around here, we could definitely-"

"Michelle!" TK shouted, grabbing her collar and lifting her back onto her feet. Curtis stood up and shuffled to his left to avoid the scuffle. "Please! You can't honestly believe I'd marry someone I don't even know!"

"I wouldn't have believed it, but here you are, proposing to me, someone you barely know!" She responded happily.

TK clapped his right hand to his forehead in frustration. "You're making a scene! Michelle, I didn't put that ring in your damn nachos!" He hissed, looking around awkwardly at the people listening in, going slightly red. "It fell in by accident! I didn't even know!"

She stood up in front of TK, straightening her back, still breathing heavily as she gazed into his eyes. "You mean...you don't want to-" 

"Of course not! I mean...come on now...you can't have thought I would..." he said weakly.

Her eyes went to the floor. "Oh...well...as long as we're here, would you be interested in-"

"No!" TK said indignantly, eyes flashing maliciously.

"You're sure? Because-"

"Yes, I'm sure!" TK shouted, plopping back down into his seat. "Now can we just...forget it?" He turned his attention back to the field.

After some time, everyone else followed suit, awkwardly turning their attention back to football.

"I would have gone for it-" Davis began in a low whisper to TK.

"Shut up!" TK spat.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

"What the hell were you thinking?" Kari asked abrasively, leaning up against the counter where all the sinks were lined up. "I mean, gimme a break!"

"I don't know!" Michelle exclaimed from within the barrier of the stall, her voice echoing in the bathroom. "I...I saw the ring, and I guess I thought what I wanted to think! Can you blame me?" 

"Yes!" Kari replied. "He probably thinks your crazy now! Good luck getting a date now, you're gonna need it."

"Kari, I'm not...crazy! You know me, don't you? You know I'm not crazy!" She shouted desparately.

"I dunno. I _still_ don't know how you got into my dorm-"

"Kari, please! Could you...talk to him? Put in a good word? You know I'm...oh jeez..." she gave a loud grunt.

"Fine. I'll talk to him tonight." Kari responded. "Are you alright in there?"

"No." She moaned. "The very fires of hades are ripping through my stomach."

"I told you not to eat those nachos after you dropped them." Kari said disapprovingly. "People spit on that floor you know."

"I'll be fine. Can you just...wait up for me? I can never find places inside stadiums, I'll need help getting back to the seats."

"Sure, sure. I'll wait right outside the bathroom." Kari responded, pushing off the counter and strolling towards the exit door.

Coming back out into the large concrete hall of the stadium, she took to leaning up against the wall inbetween the men's and women's bathrooms, tapping her right foot on the floor.

"I want you...I want you so baadddlly..." She began to sing to herself, tapping her foot in harmony along with the song. "I want you so badly, driving me maddlly, driving me mad." She continued to melodize.

Curtis emerged from the men's bathroom, brushing his hands off. He set his eyes on Kari, who wasn't aware of his presense. She continued to sing quietly to herself, eyes on the women's bathroom, waiting for Michelle. He went up next to her, leaning up against the wall himself, listening to her sing.

"I want youuu...I want you so baaaddllyy..." she continued.

"Really?" Curtis muttered to himself. "Well...she's a little easy...but I'll take it!" He tapped her on the shoulder.

She spun around to face him gradually. "Yes?" She inquired.

"Men's or womans?" He asked.

Kari blinked a few times. "Erm-"

"Aw, who cares?" He then grabbed her around the waist and picked her up off the floor. Her eyes bulged as he began carrying her into the men's bathroom.

"Curtis? What the hell are you-" she asked, beginning to panic.

"I hope your impressed with speed, because we've got about twelve minutes before the second half starts." He mumbled.

"Wait! Wait, wait-" she screamed.

"Okay...you wanna use the sink counter?" He asked, looking over the shiny, if wet, counterspace that was puncuated by a sink every few feet. "Oh, I know!" He then marched over to the diaper station folded up on the wall, Kari still in tow.

"Curtis, I think there's been some sort of misunderstanding!" She shouted. But he was already tugging at the black straps that held the station up. The section of plastic support fell away, creating a platform. He placed Kari's back onto the station, causing the hinges of the device to creak eerily.

"Don't worry, it's quite strong." He said, beginning to pull at the front buttons of her jacket. "Give me a hand, will you? We've got seven minutes to finish up if we wanna make it back in time."

"_Curtis! Please!"_ She screamed, grabbing the top buttons of her jacket, attempting to protect them from his hands.

Just then, TK entered the lavatory. As soon as he came into the facilities, sure enough, the first thing he saw was Curtis grabbing the lapels of Kari's red jacket, attempting to rip it off, as she was laying back on a diaper changing station. Sure enough, his eyes bulged like the full moon, and he froze in his tracks.

The spectacle was beginning to attract an audience, as users of the bathroom stopped to watch, in shock, what appeared to be a rape in a surprisingly public location. So large was the general shock, that it took several seconds for anyone to think of perhaps going for help.

Finally, a short, thin man wearing a 84 "Baskett" jersey bolted for the bathroom exit, his shoes clicking away on the tile as he sprinted off.

TK finally regained control of his bodily functions and charged the scene. Curtis nearly had her jacket off when TK grabbed his own coat lapels and dragged him off her, pushing him against the back wall of the bathroom.

"What the hell are you doing?!" TK asked loudly, eyes still wide in shock.

"It's not what it looks like!" Curtis insisted, looking around at the crowd that had formed.

"It better not be!" TK shouted. "Please don't tell me you have a...diapHow could you iner fetish-"

"No!" Curtis shouted back. "She said...she said she 'wanted me'...and I thought we could fit in a-"

"I was singing a song, you jackass!" Kari responded tartily, rebuttoning her jacket back up.

"What?" Curtis asked dimly, pursing his lips. "Oh yeah! I know that song!"

"Not too well." TK commented. "How the hell could you interpret _that..._" he pointed at the diaper station "...to that?!"

"I haven't had sex in a really, really long time!" Curtis said defensively.

Kari jumped up off the diaper station, landing neatly on her feet, and quickly made for the bathroom exit. People watched her back as she retreated out of the awkward scenario.

"Everybody, beat it!" TK yelled out to the crowd that had gathered around. "It's really not that interesting, now get out of here!"

Slowly, the crowd began to disperse. TK glowered at Curtis, who looked away in shame.

"I gotta say, I've never heard of _this_ before." TK commented. "Well you can just kiss that potential relationship goodbye."

"I've gotten out of worse before." Curtis said quietly.

"Worse? What'd you do, kill someone's mother?" TK asked, unable to resist grinning slightly.

"This isn't funny! My hormones have betrayed me!" Curtis growled, putting the diaper station back up in it's base. "I need you to talk to her. Explain to her I'm not...like that usually, y'know."

"I think it's a little late for that." TK said, squinting his eyes. "What am I gonna say? Yeah, he'll try and rape you at random every now and then, but by god, he's got a great personality, and he can even cook!"

"Just...just explain to her I've made an innocent mistake and I'm usually a great guy." Curtis asked. "You do think that, don't you?"

"I think she's damn lucky she wasn't singing Rape Me, that's what I think!" TK responded.

"C'mon! You don't think I'm a bad guy, do you?" He asked desparately.

"Don't worry. I'll talk to her. You probably scarred her for life, but I think I can talk to her. She trusts me." TK said reassuringly.

"Thanks." Curtis took a deep, calming breath. "Second half's about to start, I'm out of here." He said, beginning to step towards the exit.

"I'll be with you in a second." TK called out. "Don't talk with Kari or make eye contact with her, I don't want you compounding this."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Y-You're complaining?!" Kari shouted, sitting on TK's couch, legs folded under her rear and her arms crossed over her chest. "I nearly got raped in a public bathroom! That guy's a maniac!"

"Hey, he just wanted to have sex with you." TK objected, standing on the other side of the coffee table from Kari, looking her over. "She wanted to _marry_ me. Don't compare your plight to mine!"

"Oh yeah? Well, get this!" Kari countered. "After the game, in the parking lot, he goes up to me! Apologizes, tries to justify his actions...and then he _asks me out!_" She exclaimed. "I mean, what is wrong with people in America?"

"Well, I'll tell you something else." TK said, pointing his right index finger at Kari. "Michelle extended me the same invitation just before we got on the bus! I mean, is this how Americans do foreplay? Is this some kind of courting ritual? It's crazy!"

"I said I'd think about it." Kari said meekly. "Part of me just wanted to tell him to eff off, but I'll admit he seemed like a nice guy...I wanted to talk to you."

"Really?" TK thought out loud. "About what?"

"Well...you tell me. This Curtis guy, what's your impression of him? Should I give it a shot?"

TK licked his lips, then turned his glaze down onto the carpet for a few seconds. Finally, he looked back up to Kari. "Y'know, you might wanna pass him up. I mean...what happened today was...tame by his usual standards. I was hanging out with him saturday night, and he was drinking Fresca."

"Yikes." Kari yipped. "Freaky."

"I _know!_" TK added. "And...he's obsessed with phalluses. It's scary as hell." He began pointing in random directions aimlessly. "Everywhere he looks, he sees penises. Disturbing stuff!"

"Sounds like it. Yeah, I better stay away from this one." Kari said thoughtfully. "Thanks for the heads up."

"Anytime!" TK said, giving a forced smile. "Now as for me, I left my answer to Michelle open, so I could still go either way. Kar, is she really crazy?"

"Well..." Kari bit her lower lip. "Actually, yes!" She gestured with her hands to emphasize her point. "She tries to tip people with condoms. Pizza guy, waiter, whatever...if there's a tip to be given, she tries to pass off condoms."

"Well that settles it." TK said with finality. "I've already dated one too many crazy women. I dunno what you're doing, being friends with such an insane person, frankly."

I could say the same thing about you." Kari said defensively.

"True." TK admitted. "He's not quite right in the head, but he's a nice enough guy...when he isn't talking about phalluses. Anyway, thanks for the heads up."

"Don't mention it." Kari said casually, leaning back into the couch.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"So you lied to him?" Davis asked, his nose buried in a math textbook, standing in Kari's kitchen. "Why? Don't you like Michelle? Don't you think they'd make a nice couple?" 

"I...don't know." Kari said lamely. "I do like Michelle, and I know she's not crazy. But then I thought...whether or not this relationship ever gets started rests in my hands, and I couldn't do it."

"It's really not your place." Davis said warningly.

"I know! I know!" She exclaimed, throwing herself down into a laying position on the couch. "Davis, I think I still like him. When I started thinking about him and Michelle being together, I just didn't like it. Then I realized it was within my power to stop, and I did!"

"If you still like him, then do something about it, instead of sabatoging his love life." Davis advised, not taking his focus out of the book.

"I can't!" She whined. "I...I can't love this TK. I love the old TK. The one I still, somewhere deep in my mind, believe exists inside of TK. Somewhere under layers and layers of personality lies the TK I used to know!" She made a pair of fists in front of her face. "And one day, I pray to _god_ that TK comes back to the surface! And when it does, I want _my_ happily ever after! I've been camping next to him for years, waiting for him to become my dream! I refuse to let her butt in and snatch him away after I've been waiting for so long!"

"Wow, did you know there's a mathematical law that states it's impossible for a fair election to be held?" Davis asked airily.

"Are you listening to me?" Kari asked indignantly.

"What, your Doctor Takeru and Mister TK belief?" Davis waved his hand dismissively. "This isn't a fairy tale. I'm not gonna tell TK, but let the record show that I really don't approve of this."

"We'll see who's laughing when I get my knight in shining armor." She grumbled.

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"So you lied to her?" Ken asked, holding a newspaper up before his face, fully unfurled and open to a page in the middle. "Why?"

"I dunno." TK shrugged. "Because lying is fun."

"Oh sweet!" Ken exclaimed, his eyes falling on the bottom right corner of the paper. "Fifteen minutes until Prince of Darkness starts on the big screen!" He threw the paper down on TK's coffee table. "You in?" 

"Believe it." TK said happily, pointing at Ken in excitement. The pair began to march towards the dorm door.

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The gang goes to an Eagles game. TK unknowingly proposes to Michelle, while Kari accidentally implies she wants to have sex with Curtis.


	5. The Food Drive

Chapter 5: The Food Drive

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The beginning of Davis's plight in this chapter is copped from "The Chinese Restaurant" but I expand in a different direction...credit to that.

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TK shook his head, attempting to bring the world around him back into focus. The haze that came with waking up before one was truly rested evaporated slowly, as his dorm room came into focus. He stumbled haphazardly across the carpet, stepping over a poorly placed textbook and empty box of pop-tarts.

"Ugh...why couldn't I get the free maid?" He grumbled to himself as he headed towards the door, from which a loud, abrasive, monotonous knocking was sounding. "The least he could do is share."

He moved past the kitchen island, across the remaining distance to the door, and then grabbed the doorknob. Trying to display his frustration with being woken up in the middle of the night, he turned the knob violently and yanked back on the door. It swung open to reveal Kari, in a white nightgown, looking tired and worn out herself.

"If you're here to whine about how stressful the week before finals are, my ears are closed." TK said immediately, looking her slim figure up and down.

"I'm just as upset about this as you are." Kari responded, blinking several times consecutively. "Can I sleep in here tonight? There's been an...altercation."

TK squinted at her. "This had better be good. In some states it's a felony to wake a college student in the dead of night on a schoolday!"

She sighed. "Some...guy got in my dorm somehow right after I got to sleep. What time is it?"

"Two thirty." TK groaned, poking his head out into the hallway to peer down it's length.

"Well, as near as I can tell, he's been...watching me sleep for the last three hours. And he was going through my clothes and...well...he was-" she leaned in and whispered something in a low tone into his ear.

"Nyehh!" TK exclaimed when she was done speaking.

"Shh!" Kari shushed. "Anyway, I really...really don't want to sleep in there tonight...or possibly ever again, so could I just stay here?" 

"Just for tonight." TK said strongly, moving out of the way so she could be admitted in. "I can't make a habit of this. There's only room in my dorm for one female, and during winter break I'm afraid that spot's been reserved."

"Yeah yeah. Just for tonight." She repeated, stepping over the assorted baubles on the ground. "Is it really so hard to take a few more steps towards the trash can? Is it fun to throw stuff on the ground?"

"You weren't there. You wouldn't understand." TK said with mock drama, though the emphasis behind the words was lost in TK's sleepy tone.

"Wait...you sleep wearing that?" Kari asked, pointing at TK's body. He was wearing a white t-shirt and white boxers, both clinging tightly to his skin and effectively covering any area that is socially expected to be covered when amongst company.

TK glanced off at the door for a second, slightly annoyed by the seemingly useless question. "Yes." He replied flatly.

"Alright then, I'll bunk with you." She said casually, heading towards TK's bed.

"Wait a minute. Wait, a, minute!" TK said quietly, going up behind her and grabbing her shoulders. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Well, you've got that nice...big comfortable bed, and I can't sleep well on couches!" She insisted, spinning around and looking at him pleadingly.

"I really don't think so-" TK said smoothly, giving a small grin at the suggestion, finding it rather ridiculous.

"Oh, come on!" Kari begged. "We don't even have to touch each other, I mean, look how big your bed is!" 

"I didn't specifically request a large bed so I could sleep with someone without touching them." TK replied skeptically.

"It's just one night!" She hissed. "It's not like it's unfamiliar territory for us anyway."

"So by your logic, it's permissable to sleep with any of your previous lovers, even if the relationship has been over for more than a year?" TK asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"No! We're not...sleeping together...we're just...sleeping together..." she trailed off lamely. "You know what I mean!" 

"I don't think I do." TK replied naughtily.

"It doesn't effect you in the slightest, and it's the only way I'll get decent sleep! Why are you tormenting me like this?!" Kari said indignantly, fighting to keep her voice down.

"We're not eight years old. Co-ed sleepovers can't occur when the female starts blossoming, so unless those-" he pointed at Kari's chest, "-are a bunch of kleenexes, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to-"

"Oh, grow up!" Kari said warningly. "Can I _please _sleep in your bed? You know this week is gonna be hardcore studying, I really can't afford to loose any sleep-"

"Would the floor _really_ be so terrible for just one night?" TK questioned, glancing at his bed as he spoke.

"Yes! Yes it would." She insisted, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Alright, your _majesty._" He growled, pointing at the bed. "But god help you if you wake me up in the middle of the night. You're not the only one heading into a very stressful week."

"Hey, I'm not the one with jimmy legs." Kari said defensively, sliding onto the top of the covers of the bed. "Remember?"

"That was _one_ time." TK snarled. "I was probably just excited from getting my cherry popped. Will you _ever_ let it go?" 

"Not so long as I wake up every morning with a seering pain in my right thigh." She replied, pulling the top right corner of the blanket back and sliding under it.

"Alright, let's just go to sleep." TK grumbled, sliding back into bed himself, settling in on the left side. "This is just so _wrong_-"

"Shut up!" She hissed. "There's nothing wrong with sharing a bed between friends. It only _becomes_ wrong when hands start roaming where they shouldn't, so just watch yourself and we'll be fine." She glanced down towards the foot of the bed. "And get your foot off my side."

"It's my bed. The whole bed is my side. My side of the bed is fluid, constantly changing as I move around so it coincides with my current position. It's your job to work around this. Best of luck." TK replied robotically, laying his head down on his white, fluffy pillow and closing his eyes, giving the illusion of sleep.

"And people _wonder _why I broke up with you." She said sourly, slamming her own head into her white pillow. "Clearly I made the right decision-"

A loud, violent crash interrupted the brewing argument. It sounded like something heavy smashing into the ground. This was quickly followed by a blood-curdling yell, a gunshot, the sound of a glass pane being shattered, and then a scream.

As if a switch had been flicked suddenly to awaken him, TK rolled out of bed into a kneeling position on the floor, eyes wide open and alert. Kari had sprung up into a sitting position, staring at the door in terror.

The sounds continued unabated outside, as further gunshots, screams, and crashes sounded off in a cacaphonic symphony. TK grimaced uneasily, raising himself up and advancing into the kitchen.

"Sounds like that gang!" TK hissed as he spun around the island and ducked down to the cabinets along the base. "The...what are they called...plagues! The plagues!" 

"What gang? What are you talking about?!" Kari said, going into a panic as she swung her legs over the edge of bed, crouching in the small alcove inbetween the bed and back wall.

"The plagues! It's a new street gang!" TK yelled as he emerged from the cabinets with a frying pan. "I read about them in the paper, they get high on some hallogen and then go around at random, killing as many people as they can before they themselves are killed. Some sort of kamikaze ritual as a blood sacrifice to their god."

"Oh, jesus!" Kari whimpered, ducking behind the bed, shaking in fear.

"You stay there." TK instructed firmly. "There's no talking to these people, they're too high to understand a word anyone says. They kill on sight, so there's only one way to survive an encounter." He walked up to the front door of the dorm, positioning himself against the parallel wall on the side of the hinges.

After several more gunshots, screams, and crashes, during which Kari couldn't help but peek over the edge of the bed, the sound effects began to draw very close to the room. Finally, a great force was slammed into the door, threatening to knock it right off it's hinges, but the wooden structure held up.

A second blast, however, proved too much, as the lock gave under the force of what seemed to be a vicious kick. The door swung hard on the hinges, nearly ramming into TK before he caught it neatly with his right hand.

Not possessing any extraordinary strategy, the man who's kick had opened the door simply burst right in to the dorm, a small beretta clutched in his right hand. Immediately, he scanned the room for signs of life.

Before he could acknowledge any, TK swung around the open door and pancaked the intruder in the left side of his head with the pan. The force and direction of the blow caused the man, as he fell to the floor in a heap, to spin counterclockwise, gun hand held limply out. As the arm swung around towards TK, he snatched the deadly weapon from his weak grip and spun it into his own hand.

Coldly, calculatingly, he turned the gun on it's owner and fired once. Right into the skull of the hallucinating gang member, blowing through his skull and into his brain, inducing death immediately. Kari fought the urge to scream, biting into the blanket of the bed, as the gunshot fired into the skull of the man.

TK simply moved on, as if he had dropped a letter into a mailbox, into the frame of the door. Fortunately, TK's dorm was at the very end of one of the hallways of the complex, so there was no possibility of threats coming from either side. He peered his head around the frame, looking off down the hall. All the doors had been thrown open violently and sounds of violence rang from them. The screams, crashes, and gunshots continued on, a tribute to the violence ransacking the complex.

A medium sized man, wearing a hockey mask to obscure his face and a tight black ensemble of clothes, ran out from a dorm three down to the right from TK. TK raised his right hand, gun pointed outwards, out into the hallway, took aim at the man, and fired.

The man, running animatedly for some reason, had crashed comically into the wall with a massive thud. As he bounced off the white wooden structure, the bullet struck him in the side of his chest and threw him onto the soft blue carpet below.

TK wasn't sure if he was dead or not, but had no time to find out or extra bullets to insure it. He quickly moved down the hall, strafing before walking in front of any open door, scanning for any further gang members. After crossing through eight rooms, featuring nothing but askew house objects such as broken dishes, torn pillows, or overturned lamps, the ninth room held a baseball-bat wielding black female, towering over an unfortunate student on the bed.

Calmly, TK raised his weapon and fired at the figure, squinting through the dark to get a good shot. He squeezed off a bullet, which crashed through the woman's skull, sending her to the ground in a heap, bat clanking to the ground.

"TK!" Someone shouted from back down the hall. Immediately, TK spun just in time to catch a glimpse of a large figure, wearing a pig mask, diving towards him with a butcher knife. TK caught the wrist swinging the knife within his left hand and pushed it away, leading to it slicing into the wooden doorframe and sticking within the wood.

Following this, he spun around in a full circle, gracefully, stepping so he would move out into the hall, behind the thug. The man, his senses and agility dulled by the influence of the drug, could only dimly contemplate the events that led up to this moment as TK grabbed his jaw and twisted his neck violently to the right. The telltale _crick_ told the story well enough, his neck had been successfully broken.

"Watch out!" He heard the voice, which he now recognized as Kari, call out. Instinctively, he grabbed the lifeless body of the man he had just killed and whirled around, bear-hugging the upper chest of the corpse.

A sharp blade stuck into the right chest of the body, having been swung by yet another of the intoxicated troublemakers. Another split second, and the blade would have found TK's arm or back. The human shield having served it's purpose, TK slammed the body into the new combatant, knocking him backwards into the wall. Knowing there could be no reasoning with these drugged-up gangsters, TK threw the body aside and picked up the dazed, but alive, invader by the collar.

He swung his hips around, collar tight within his grip, his arms following his hips as he fiercely slammed the head of the small, wirey man into the white smooth wall. The force behind the swing was too much for the wall, as the skull of the man created a large, dipping dent. Satisfied this was sufficient to at least end the threat he presented, TK dropped the man to the carpet.

TK glared down at the bodies around him, breathing heavily. His ears were perked up, listening for any further sounds of disturbances. The facility had, however, fallen silent, and given the violent nature of the gang he could only assume this meant all of them had been dealt with.

He began to focus on his breathing, taking in deep, calming breaths, attempting to bring regulation back to his nerves. Now that he had stopped to take notice of everything around him, he felt the beads of sweat dripping down his entire body.

Slowly, he became normal again, the lust for violence and killing in the name of saving his own life leaving. After some time, he heard assorted footsteps. He snapped back into the world of the living, and looked around at the gathering college students. They looked at him, only suspecting he may have played a part in the improbable defeat of the crazed gang. They were much more interested in the bodies littered about the floor along the hallway. A hush went over the students at the realization that most, if not all, of the intruders were dead.

TK solemnly walked back down the hall, stepping over bodies and through confused students as they appeared. Only one person had seen the entirety of what had taken place, and she was petrified next to the open door of TK's dorm. He stepped in front of her, brushing past her as he stepped back into his dorm. Kari had a shocked expression frozen on her face as she followed TK back into his room with her eyes.

Finally, she swallowed down hard and stepped back into the dorm, grabbing the door and swinging it shut behind her. "_TK_..._what_ was _that?_" She choked out, moving across the room slowly, not taking her eyes off TK.

"Oh...oh great, you didn't see it?" TK groaned, walking over into the kitchen. "Kari, I need witnesses, or else it could be my ass in a cell! When the police comes, could you be a good girl and tell them exactly what happened?"

"No...no, I saw." She mumbled, running her right hand through her hair bashfully. She could feel herself going red and getting hot inspite of her best efforts to supress it. She was suddenly aware how messy her hair was, and began running her hand through it more frantically, trying to straighten it.

"Well, good." TK replied, throwing the fridge open. "You want something? I dunno about you, but there's no way I'm getting back to sleep. May as well embrace it and shoot up some caffiene."

"TK..." Kari trailed off, trying to define what she was feeling, but it was rather difficult. Especially given how quickly he had reverted back to the calmer, more laid-back TK.

"Huh." TK's head emerged from the fridge, holding a light blue can of _Fresca _in his right hand. "I didn't buy this..." He thrust the can in the direction of Kari. "Is this yours?" 

She shook her head slowly and purposefully, still staring up at TK's face.

"Huh...who do I know who drinks Fresca..." TK squinted his eyes... "Maybe it came with the fridge..."

Kari slowly tumbled her body over the sofa, landing on the cushions that made up the seat of the furniture, still watching TK. "TK, I'm sorry, but-"

"Oh, _jesus._" He breathed suddenly, looking at the bottom of the can. "This thing expired before I was born." He pursed his lips, glancing around him quickly before turning to Kari. "I'll pay you fifty bucks if you drink it." He said playfully, thrusting it in her direction. "C'mon, I dare you."

"TK, really, what _happened_ out there? I mean, what really happened-" She tried to ask, her face twisting with the effort of getting her intended point across.

"I double dare you." He continued, shaking the can in her direction. "C'mon, I'll make it an even hundred bucks! You can't turn that down."

"I'm not drinking it!" She said exasperatedly, frowning.

"Okay, fine, your loss." He turned around and slid it back onto the top shelf of the fridge. "I'll get Davis to do it for a Jackson tomorrow, watch." He reemerged from the fridge, holding a can of Sprite. "You want anything?"

"TK, please!" Kari said pleadingly. "I'm trying to ask you something important!"

"Well, I've got Sprite, Coke, some orange flavored thing, and Doctor Pepper." TK replied casually, kicking the fridge door closed. "Any chance I could talk you into finishing the Pepper? I don't really like it-"

Kari burrowed her face into the backrest of the couch, annoyed by TK dancing around his killing spree just moments before. "TK, _please!_ You just killed, like, five people! You can't just go back to life as it was after something like that!"

"Why not?" TK asked, spinning across the kitching floor awkwardly and coming to a stop in front of a cabinet a few feet to the right of the fridge. "It was them or us, I did what I had to do, and now I want some damn cereal." He flipped the cabinet open with a flick of his right hand.

"Well...TK, you have to at least concede that something...happened out there." She finished lamely, pointing towards the door of the dorm. "I watched enough of what happened out there to know that there's no way the TK I've known the last several years was the one out there just now!" 

"Well, if you want me to go around and shoot people while watching a movie or sitting through class, I'm afraid you're just setting yourself up for disappointment!" TK said indignantly as he reached up to grab a purple, rectangular cardboard cereal box with his right hand. "I'm not some one-dimensional guy who's life and personality is defined by a rigid protocol!"

"I guess." Kari shrugged, still staring intently at TK from the couch. "But at the same time, you can't just turn into someone else at a moment's notice. I'm just saying...what I saw out there I might have expected from the old TK, but not-"

"What the hell are you talking about? Old TK?" TK growled as he began taking all the cereal boxes in the shelf down to the counter with quick, ripping motions.

"Y'know...digiworld TK? Save the world TK? Heroic TK?" Kari detailed, still not quite sure how to explain what she was feeling.

TK began pulling each of the flaps on the box tops open and unfurling the plastic bags inside each. After he was finished with this process on all of the boxes, he reached up into the shelf and grabbed a large white plastic bowl from the bottom shelf. He began to unload a small amount of each cereal into the bowl, creating a questionable trail mix of cereals.

"Are you going to answer me? Or is creating the nastiest bowl of cereal ever just more important-"

"It's not nasty!" TK hissed. "It's...it's like a party in my mouth, and everyone's invited!" He frowned for a second. "Except for you, since you don't know how to have a good time!" He finished the large bowl of mixed cereals and quickly began sealing the boxes up again, hastily shoving bags down into their boxes and sliding the boxes back into the shelf. "Anyway, why the hell should I be expected to maintain...let's call it heroic TK...when I don't need to? I mean, it's alot of pressure." He picked up the bowl and can of soda and walked over to the kitchen island. "I have to be selfless, courageous, intelligent...why should I have to be him all the time?"

"So...you didn't just grow out of...heroic TK, is what you're saying?" Kari asked.

"Oh, hell no." TK replied nonchalantly, pulling the tab of the can open, then pouring the contents into his bowl of cereal. "He's just dormant, while...let's call him relaxation TK kicks back and enjoys life. I think that's fair, I deserve to be lazy, relaxed and apathetic given..." he looked up at Kari, who's face was twisting in disgust as she looked at his bowl of cereal. "...what?" 

"That's...that's-that's gross as hell!" She managed to choke out, turning slightly green.

"No, it is not." TK said defensively, opening a drawer under the counter of the island and pulling out a small metal spoon from it's holding chamber. "You know what _really_ sounds gross? Squeezing on a cow's udder and drinking the liquid that comes out. But once upon a time, a guy decided to try that, and that worked out pretty damn well!" He scooped into the bowl with his spoon and shoveled some of the hoshposh of food and drink into his mouth, eliciting a groan from Kari.

"Yeah, okay, whatever. That's way grosser then the cow thing." She flipped around, turning away from TK to sit on the couch proper and look at the back wall. "So heroic TK...he's still there?"

"Sure." TK said, slightly muffled by the food in his mouth. "Hell, you just saw him out in the hallway. Did you say hi for me? I don't see him much anymore."

"Great." Kari folded her arms over her chest. "Now you're bipolar. Getting to know you is like adventuring through space. You're never done finding new things, and most of it is terrifying."

"I'm not bipolar!" TK countered. Suddenly, his expressions clouded over. In an flash, he set the bowl of cereal down and spun back over to the cereal shelf. He quickly pulled the wooden door open and pulled down two of the cereal boxes. Setting them down on the counter just to the right of the fridge, he grabbed and ripped the top flaps of both boxes.

"Now what?" Kari asked, staring at TK's back.

"I think...yes..." TK muttered as he pulled open a drawer in the counter at waist-height. His right hand dove inside and emerged holding a short stack of cereal box tops. He began flipping through them quickly, his brow furrowed.

"Are you kidding me?" Kari said, burrowing her head into the couch again.

"Woo!" TK exclaimed, thrusting both hands high into the air. "Twenty-four! Decoder ring, here I come!"

Kari screamed into the couch, the sound muffled by the cushions that made it up.

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"And then the last guy tried to stab me, but I used the corpse of the guy just before him as a human shield and battering ram-" TK retold feverishly to Davis and Ken, both of whom were leaning against the kitchen island and strangely uninterested. TK was leaning against the front of the fridge, gesturing with his hands heavily to emphasize his story.

"TK, any other time I'd be...awestruck and hanging onto your every word, but I've got my own problems right now." Davis interrupted.

"Oh yeah." TK said suddenly, snapping the fingers of his right hand. "You had that date last night. How'd it go?"

"It _was_ good, until the end." Davis lamented. "The dinner was great, we talked for awhile...and then, we went to her place."

"Fourth date...so usual patterns indicate it's time to get it on." TK added, nodding knowingly.

"Yeah, that's how things were looking. I got there...she's got this small apartment three blocks south of here, near that thai place." Davis continued to explain. "So, we start the...usual makeout stuff, and then I realize I need to use the bathroom. So I get up, excuse myself, no big deal...but I get into her bathroom, and it's...terrible." He finished.

"Oh my." TK said with mock dramatism.

"I mean, you don't understand...you had to be there!" Davis said defensively. "You had stains of god-knows-what on the wall, the toilet had stuff growing on it, a bunch of clothes was hanging in the shower, the sink...well, touching the faucet probably would have transferred more germs to my hand then were on there before I washed my hands!"

"Well, _this_ is really something!" TK said. "You've found the female version of you!"

"Obviously, I'm not gonna use it, but I _really _do need to go." Davis continued.

"Since when are you a neat freak?" TK asked teasingly.

"I'm not!" Davis retorted. "But...there's no way I was gonna use _that_...so I went back out, and said I had to leave."

"Oh god." TK groaned. "I gotta say, I've never heard of this one before."

"Well, what would you have done?!" Davis demanded, glaring up at TK.

"Crawled out the window, come back the next day, say you have a severe case of claustrophobia and you had to get out of the apartment right then." TK responded smoothly. "I mean, I can't make any promises, but with the right girl it'd work!"

"The bathroom didn't have a window!" Davis shot back. "Besides, we were on the sixth floor. So she's just confused, staring at me like my head is turning into a dog or something...I don't know what to say...finally, she asks why. I do some quick thinking, and I say the only thing I can think of."

"This should be good." TK muttered to himself.

"I said...I was a vigilante by night who roamed the streets with a baseball bat, handing out justice to anyone who would attempt to violate laws of any sort." Davis said lamely, looking away towards the ground and going red.

"Oh, _wow!_" TK exclaimed. "That's actually not half bad! So, how hard did she kick you on the way out?"

"She...she didn't." Davis said quietly. "She ate it up, she _loved_ it. Thought I was a hero, a savior, a great man. So she told me to be on my way...something about how great it was to be dating a selfless public servant...and I left."

"Well, this is quite the situation you've got yourself into!" TK snickered. "Only you could pull something like this off."

"I know!" Davis said under his breath. "I mean, do you realize what I'm gonna have to do to make her think I was telling the truth? I can't go back on this now! I mean, I can forget about doing _anything_ with her after ten, she'll throw me out onto the street and tell me to get patrolling! And then I'm actually gonna have to...patrol!"

"Oh yeah, that's a problem alright." Ken said suddenly, his voice sharp. "Yeah, you've got problems. You wanna hear a real problem? I can't find my friggin term paper for my biology class! If I can't find it, I am going to die! Okay? I'm going to die, and I'm gonna take people down with me! Probably people I know!"

"Yeah, you _could _do that...or you could just print it out again." TK suggested flatly.

"It was handwritten, jackass!" Ken hissed.

"Well, this is what you get when you disregard the technological advances mankind has made over the years-" TK began, but was quickly cut off as Ken shot TK a nasty glare.

"For your information, the teacher specifically requested it to be handwritten." Ken said through gritted teeth. "I'm trying to retrace my steps yesterday-"

"Wait...you said biology?" TK said suddenly, his face going blank, holding his hand out towards Ken.

"Yeah." Ken replied, huffing slightly under the stress of this situation. "It was on line paper, like eight pages-"

"Oh yeah." TK said calmly. "You left it here yesterday morning. You came in here, you were reading it out loud to me and asking me what I thought, I said I had no idea what I thought since I don't take biology, then you suddenly realized someone had set your watch back thirty minutes as a prank and you were late for a class. So you just sorta...threw it to the ground and ran off."

Ken pursed his lips, recalling the events TK spoke of slowly. "Oh yeah! I remember now!" He started looking around the apartment frantically. "Where is it? Where is it?!" He demanded.

"Oh, I threw that out." TK replied indifferently.

Ken froze as if he had been flash frozen.

"You see, last night after the cops left, I was bored but couldn't sleep, so Kari helped me clean the place up. I wasn't really thinking straight, so I saw the stack of papers and read like the first couple of lines. I knew it wasn't mine, I thought it was some kind of heavily veiled love letter from that Jessica girl who lives on the other side of the facility, y'know?"

Ken slowly pivoted around to face TK, seemingly attempting to melt TK's face off with his glare.

"So anyway, I threw it away...in that trash can, over there." He pointed at the can that was in the corner created by TK's workdesk against the right wall of the room. Now, the trash got taken out about two hours ago, so it should still be in the dumpster out back." He pointed towards the door of his dorm, indicating the general direction of 'out back'.

"You...incomprehensible idiot!" Ken spat venomously, his neck throbbing. "You're a college student, you don't just throw out pieces of paper with complicated looking writing on them!"

"Well, I'm sorry we can't all be packrats." TK replied silkily. "You should have taken it with you when you left yesterday morning. However, the paper should still be in the dumpster, so feel free to try trash fishing."

Ken bolted up to TK and grabbed his right arm strongly. "You're coming with me!" He insisted, pulling him towards the door.

"No, I _really_ don't think so." TK said casually. "Digging through garbage just isn't something I can-"

"You don't have a choice in the matter!" Ken yelled, pulling even harder as he drove towards the door. "Stop acting blameless in this and move your ass!"

"Yeah, see, some of us are about to go to class, and thus can't swim around in a sea of garbage, with the bad smell such an action could create-" TK said, still ever cool and smooth.

Ken gave a strangled yell before letting TK go and charging for the door. He grabbed the knob roughly and twisted it, popping the door open. He took one step out of the room, turning back to TK before he had disappeared into the hallway.

"If I can't find it, I'm going to _murder_ you." He said warningly. "And if anyone comments that I smell bad today, I'm going to murder you two times!" With that, he slid through the doorway and slammed it behind him.

"How do you suppose that works?" TK asked Davis, unfazed by the potential suffering he had caused Ken or his threat. "Does he kill me, then bring me back to life, and kill me again?" 

"I think it's like...you do something to the body. I dunno, burn it? Something." Davis suggested.

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"The security breach that allowed the gang to enter the facility came from the back." The short, black, wavy-haired woman explained, leading the group of three other faculty members over the concrete pathway that curved behind the dorm complex.

"Security breach?" A balding man of average height questioned, quickening his pace to fall into step with the women. "Mary, we don't have _security_. The bottom line is we were never equipped to handle any sort of multi-faceted attack, and I think we knew that."

"Well, generally the big black gate out front keeps any troublemakers away, and we do have that security guard on station right next to it. I mean, usually that works pretty well-" said a short, strained looking man at the back of the quartet of people.

"At best, it keeps honest people honest." The balding man cut him off. "Anyone who really wants into our facilities won't have a problem getting in, and it was proved last night when a bunch of drugged up teenagers were able to nearly shoot up an entire dorm complex of students!"

"Calm down, nobody actually died." The fourth person reminded. "And that security guard is more effective than you give him credit for."

"Only because they were so hepped up on those drugs they couldn't shoot straight! We got lucky." He insisted. "And that security guard is a joke! He runs about as fast as a house fire moves, his police baton is made out of wax, and he doesn't even have a gun!"

"Didn't we convince the school board to allow the guard to carry a gun?" Mary asked, her face wrinkling in confusion.

"No, we convinced them to let him carry a cell phone that they would pay for." The man replied. "It was a real bitch too, had to settle for sprint."

"What if we got the board to upgrade to cingular?" The man in the back suggested. "I mean, that's a pretty big upgrade. That'd probably improve security-"

"Will you _please_ take this seriously?" The balding man exasperated. "We are talking about lives here! College students! They could die if we don't fix this!"

Mary cleared her throat. "In any case, the lock on the back door was found to be both weak and easy to pick. In this instance, a simple handsaw was able to cut through the metal band, but the point is, we should invest in a much more serious lock-"

"Quiet!" The man suddenly whispered, throwing his hand up, indicating everyone to stop. His head rotated back and forth, listening intently. "I hear something." The group had very nearly turned the corner into the back area of the complex.

"You forgot to take your meds, didn't you?" The man in the back said sardonically. "Way to obey a simple prescription John."

"Shut it, Mick! If I forgot to take my meds, cats would be trying to convince me to kill people!" John replied tartily.

"Then who has the hearing problem?" Mick asked, looking around at his three companions.

"That's Kerry, but he's retired, remember?" Mary reminded.

"Quiet!" John repeated. "I hear...talking."

Everyone perked their ears up, and sure enough, the low, sharp voice of someone muttering phrases most negative could be heard.

"Please be here!" The voice hissed, seemingly to himself. "Come on, buddy, I know you want to be found...please, come out!"

John peeked around the corner, then quickly ducked back behind the wall. "It's a student! He's digging in the dumpster!" He explained, his eyes slightly wider than normal. "He looks terrified, frantic...almost crazed."

"Who is it?" Ned inquired.

"...I've seen him before, I know him...Itchy something...Japanese, he's one of our best students!" John described.

"Oh yeah!" Mary exclaimed. "I know who you're talking about. Classic Four Point Oh student, really a model student all around...what's he doing in a dumpster?"

"Final exam stress?" John suggested, listening hard.

Ken was breathing heavily, to the point where the four could easily hear his breaths going in and out. "My...my god, it's not here! I'm...I'm gonna die!" They heard a loud clank of metal from around the corner. "I can't go on like this! Is it really that much to ask for? What sort of _moron_ would throw stuff like that out?!"

"Sounds to me like...oh god, I think he's looking for food." Mary suggested, her face wrinkling with the thought.

"Impossible!" Ned countered. "You said it yourself, he's a model student! I mean, the tuition alone discounts him from possibly being impoverished to the point of-"

"Maybe the tuition cost him every penny he had." The final man brought up. "Maybe he can't find a job because of racial bias in the workforce in today's society, and has been forced to resort to eating garbage just to stay in school..." He started to tear up.

"George, please!" Mary hissed.

"Oh...oh my _god!_ There you are!" They heard Ken yell. "Yes! _Yes!_ I've found you! Oh my god, there you are! You...you look so beautiful!" They heard a distinct sniffle. "I've never seen something so...beautiful in my life! I mean, you've got a little tomato sauce on you, and that...I think that's pickle brine, but who gives a damn! You're still the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

John winced. "Dear god, he's been driven to insanity by hunger."

"Oh, somebody's got a little cat crap on them...but it's alright. I'll love you forever, and ever, and ever-"

"I've heard enough!" Mary hissed, and began retreating back down the pathway. "He's deranged, starving, at the end of his rope...and yet, he's brilliant."

"We're lucky to have him, to be quite honest. How he didn't get a full ride to...wherever he wanted to go, I have no idea." Ned ranted.

"Wait, he's _paying_ for tuition here?" John questioned.

"No actually, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure he got the full ride." George recalled. "That would mean the mere cost of living has driven him to outright poverty! What a brave little soldier, attention college in a foreign land without a penny to his name!" He started to sniffle again. "We've got to do something!"

"Already two steps ahead of you." John stated.

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Davis slid wildly into TK's dorm, nearly falling down in the process, his eyes instantly falling on TK seated on the couch as he did so. Without pause, he raced over to the couch and threw himself over the backrest, drawing TK's attention finally.

"Dude, you have to do me a favor!" Davis gasped, clutching his chest as he attempted to catch his breath.

"Actually no, I don't have to." TK replied indifferently, turning to look Davis over.

"Tonight, around eleven, I need you to pop out of that alley inbetween blockbuster and seven-eleven and try to mug my date, then let me beat the crap out of you with a baseball bat." Davis explained, very seriously.

"See, now I _really_ don't have to." TK stated.

"You don't understand! It's worse than I thought, she wants to come with me on my nightly prowl! She thinks she's dating a superhero who eats crooks for breakfast! If I go the entire night without actually beating up anyone, that could change her entire perception and blow this whole thing!" Davis pleaded.

TK bit his tongue in the right side of his mouth. "Well, that just changes _everything..._listen, I draw the line at willingly getting pulverized by a baseball bat. However, I am supremely confident you will see several muggings, rapings, and other such criminal activities should you simply keep a good eight hour prowl up tonight, so I don't think you need any help staging this."

"Are you crazy?!" Davis jumped to his feet. "I'm not actually going to hit a real live criminal! What if I don't knock him out on the first hit? I'll be dead, that's what!"

"You know, the old Davis was too stupid to even realize that." TK said lightly, his face suddenly going stony. "Then break up with her." He said strongly. "What if this becomes long term? You're probably not gonna be able to sleep more than a couple hours a night, plus you won't have time for anything fun so long as you're doing this vigilante crap. Just end it now before it really gets out of control."

"But I really like her!" Davis protested. "Chances like this don't come around everyday, I wanna hold onto this!"

TK sighed deeply. "You should know this by now, there's _always_ a bigger fish." He shook his head. "Alright, here's what you do. Take some beers, go out on the streets, find some homeless people, and see who's willing to take a beating in exchange for some drinks."

"Where am I gonna get beer?" Davis asked, shrugging. "I mean, good concept, but-"

TK glanced around, then dropped his voice to a whisper. "You didn't hear it from me, but knock seven times on dorm room 7-D." He nodded with finality.

Davis returned the nod, then hurdled the couch again and began heading for the dorm door. Upon reaching it, the knob turned just before he touched it and sprung open.

Ken was standing on the other side, his face relaxed and at ease.

"Wonderful day, don't you think?" He said jovially as he slid past Davis and into the dorm.

"I guess." Davis said halfheartedly as he continued out the room.

"Well TK, today is your lucky day." He held up his heavily stained and soiled biology paper with glee. "I just got my grade back on this paper, and inspite of the unwanted decorations, I pulled a hundred!"

"Oh wow, you never do that." TK droned. "Yeah, new and exciting."

"You know, I was prepared to kill you this morning if the paper came back with anything less than a ninety. Now, suddenly, I feel I should be thanking you." Ken continued, drifting towards the couch.

"Yeah, maybe your biology teacher likes the smell of garbage and upped your grade." TK continued to talk dully and robotically.

"It's not just the paper, TK." Ken said, his voice climbing in pitch. "It was three mornings ago I went swimming in that dumpster. Since, I've handed in two papers, taken three tests, and assembled a model illustrating Euler's theory. I've managed to get perfect scores on everything."

"Uh-huh, yeah. The dumpster was actually the fountain of knowledge in disguise, and you unknowingly took a swim in it." TK said sarcastically. "Are six straight perfect scores really that uncommon for you?"

"So far this semester!" Ken insisted. "Yes, I concede I dominated high school with ease, but college is a whole new ball game! I dunno what it is, but something about that dumpster has made me brilliant!"

"Yeah, you're brilliant alright." TK snorted. He turned around to look over at Ken, his facial expressions freezing. "Are those-"

"The same clothes I wore three days ago?" Ken finished, holding out his arms to his sides. "Damn straight! I'm not changing a damn thing so long as this lucky streak keeps up! Can't risk interfering with it! I dunno exactly what caused it, but I'm not daring to disturb anything until finals week is over."

"So, you're a genius, you pull a half dozen perfects in a row, and now suddenly you believe a higher power _must_ have blessed you?" TK questioned. "Seems a little contradictory."

"TK, you don't mess with these things. You just don't!" Ken replied strongly. "I take my last final on tuesday. Until then, these clothes are not coming off."

"Are those the clothes you wore in the dumpster?" TK dared to ask, his eyes narrowing.

"Well, _duh_. I mean, this entire thing stems from the idea that the dumpster-"

"Come here, will you?" TK asked, motioning with his right index finger for Ken to come closer. Ken did so, stopping right in front of the couch's backrest. TK leaned his face up close to Ken and sniffed a couple of times. He quickly recoiled, his face wrinkling as he looked Ken up and down.

"Who are you, and what did you do to Ken?" He questioned.

"Oh, don't be like that." Ken replied dismissively. "So I smell, people don't make conscious efforts to smell someone in public. I mean, maybe one or two people pick up the scent, but they'll never trace it back to me!"

"I say you're mental." TK grumbled, rotating around to face the back wall again. "Can you please leave? If you're going to insist on smelling like crap, at least don't come into my room anymore."

"Says the guy who didn't even notice until he got within two inches of me." Ken scolded. "Very well, I'll be off. Good luck, sir-who-hasn't-swum-in-the-crapbin-of-intelligence." Ken gave a quick wave before spinning around and heading out of the room.

"How do I find these people?" TK muttered to himself as the door slammed shut.

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"Yeah, tell you what. You leave me alone, I don't report your ass to the faculty for fradulent...food...collecting." TK said seriously, looking the two men in front of him up and down. They were both wearing buttoned shirts of pure white and blue dress pants. The one on the left was holding a large cardboard box, which held several cans of soup and two loaves of rye bread.

"What are you talking about?" The one on the right asked. "Call the faculty if you want, we're on the level. We're collecting food for Ken...Itchy something-"

"Ichijouji." TK said flatly, staring deadly at the cardboard box.

"Yes, him. He's an extremely poor student here on campus, and the school is organizing a food drive for his benefit! Now, we're really not supposed to tell people his name, so I really think you owe us something." The man on the left said, thrusting the box up towards TK.

"Listen. I know Ken, and I know he's not poor! Hell, compared to the usual, he's downright wealthy! You're wasting your time with me, and quite frankly if I gave a damn either way I'd get you guys thrown in jail in a heartbeat." He narrowed his eyes. "So don't make me give a damn."

"Oh." The man on the right crossed his arms over his chest. "You know him, do you? Do you know he digs around in dumpsters for food? Do you know he can't even afford to do laundry anymore and has been going to classes in the same set of clothing since monday?"

TK opened his mouth, about to say something, but suddenly froze mid breath. He rubbed his chin in thought for a moment before slowly nodded.

"You know what? I think I do have something...actually, most of my food is perishable, could I give money, possibly?"

"Well, we've already broken a series of rules surrounding this drive with you, so-" the left one began, but TK quickly reached into his inside jacket pocket for a roll of bills.

"You guys are lucky. I had a job not twenty minutes ago, and the guy actually paid in straight cash." He produced the series of bills and began to unroll them. Slowly, to show off, he let the green pieces of paper rain into the box.

"Well, I do suppose it'll help him." The man holding the box admitted. "Sure, go ahead."

"Alright." TK finally said, pulling back. "So what, you knock on every door asking for food?" He asked, pointing down the hallway.

"Yeah, we're also doing stuff off-campus. It should be quite the food collection. Now listen, don't tell anyone you know who the student is, or what he does to survive...could be embarrassing." The man with the box instructed. With that, the pair backed out of the threshhold and continued down the hallway.

As soon as he shut the door, TK made a dash for the wireless phone on the coffee table in front of the couch. Two buttons later, he was on the speedtrack to calling Kari.

Three rings later, there was an answer. "What?" She asked.

"Hey, in a couple minutes, some guys are gonna knock on your door for a food drive." TK explained. "Give em something good."

"I don't _have_ anything good. I'm poor, remember?" Kari pointed out.

"I'll reimburse you, don't worry." TK replied calmly. "Listen, they're doing this drive for _Ken!_ They think he's dirt poor. I think this could be pretty damn funny, I even gave the guys like two hundred dollars."

"Oh yeah, you can eat that..." Kari said sarcastically.

"Just...just give them alot of soup, I'll give you enough money to buy anything you give back. And don't tell him, or anyone else. And I mean anyone! Don't blow this."

"Do you even _realize_ today is the primary final day?" Kari asked. "Don't be so positive you're passing everything, because-"

"I know we have finals." TK corrected. "A GPA is just a number that's fairly easy to bring up. This food drive could create a priceless memory that might last forever!"

"Yeah, yeah, got it." She said, a hint of eyes rolling on her tone as she hung up. "What is wrong with him?" She crossed her arms over her chest.

She couldn't lie. She had always been physically attracted to TK. For what that was worth, in any case, which was little to her. The gang incident had only enhanced this feeling, which was, again, not worth that much in the grand scheme.

Okay, yes, the macho man, Rambo, Jason Bourne thing got her pretty hot, but it went deeper than that. She felt something more when TK was defending the entire college from the band of delusioned teenagers. But it was more than that. She saw a glimpse of the TK that she had once dated and been serious with. But it hadn't been for nearly long enough.

She had to see that TK again. Bring him back out. And she thought she knew how.

"Perhaps a fairy tale ending isn't out of the question..." She mused.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"Come here." TK instructed lightly to Kari, standing by the sealed window at the back of his dorm room. "This is pure gold. I thought Davis could sink no lower, but the man has a way of finding just another way to fall again!" He pointed out the window, down at the street.

Kari followed the instructions, walking up to and peering out the window down onto the street. It was dark, but light puncuated the sidewalks on either side of the street thanks to lights beaming down from poles at regular intervals on the walk. To their left, right at the street corner, Davis could be seen pummeling a dirty, poorly-clothed, weak old man with a baseball bat. A girl about his age, wearing a small leather jacket and a black long skirt, was watching with interest.

"Can you believe that guy?" TK said, laughing. Davis gave the unfortunate man a gutshot with the bat, sending him hard to the ground.

"I would do annyytthiing for looove..." Kari melodized.

"I can't help but feel partly responsible." TK said offhand. "I gave him this idea and all."

"Well, I suppose it's not a bad idea." Kari commented. "I mean, they get beer, he gets to keep his lie alive, and she actually thinks she's dating a vigilante."

"That's not something I'd expect you to say at all." TK said, still watching Davis hit the man in the back with the bat. "I was thinking, like..." he took up a poor falsetto voice "...blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth, you jackass!"

"Meh." Kari shrugged. "Maybe getting hit repeatedly with a baseball bat will wake him up, fix his head, make him realize he needs to do something with his life."

The doorknob jiggled, then twisted open. Ken became visible in the doorway as the wooden structure swung open. TK immediately pointed an accusing finger at Ken.

"Hey, hey, what's the rule?" He said warningly. "You're not allowed to come in here until you shower and change!"

"Will you?" Ken hissed, stepping inside the dorm. "Can somebody _please_ explain this?" He reached into the back pockets of his black dress pants and began producing loose change by the handfuls, dumping it onto the floorboard without any particular concern for possibly losing any of it. Collections of coins rained down onto the floor, clanking to a dead stop on the floor one after the other, for several seconds until Ken stopped.

"Well, it seems you have...alot of coins in your pockets." TK said dully. "I imagine this might be caused by making alot of separate purchases of various types, thusly receiving massive coins back as change...perhaps you've been doing alot of laundry lately-"

"Shut up!" Ken spat. "People are throwing coins at me! Everyone! Students, teachers, even people on the sidewalk! What the _hell _is going on?!"

"They probably want you to buy some deoderant and fresh clothing." TK suggested.

"This isn't funny!" Ken insisted, hunching over and clenching his fists. "They're even...apologizing to me and say they feel...bad for me!"

"I'd feel sorry for someone who smells like you do." Kari teased, spinning over to the couch and laying back on it.

"Do you have any idea how humiliating it is for a person in my position to be told by everyone around him that...they feel sorry for him...and then throw loose coins at him?" Ken asked rhetorically.

"Probably a little less humiliating than it would be to actually get down and pick up said coins." TK said, staring at the coins at Ken's feet.

Ken gave a strangled scream from the back of his throat, stomping up and down in anger.

"Excuse me." A voice came from the threshhold of TK's door. Ken spun around, his face still flushed red.

Standing in the doorframe was a redheaded girl wearing a small, blue flat hat and what appeared to be a school uniform from another school. A large loaf of white bread was held against her chest. She looked Ken up and down.

"Yes?!" Ken said, allowing the anger from his situation that day to sneak into his voice.

She drew back slightly, but pressed on regardless. "You're...Ken...Itchy...something, right?"

"Yeah, that's right! My name is Ken Itchysomething! You like the name? It's martian!" Ken shouted, on the verge of popping a vessel if his skin color meant anything.

"Sorry." The girl said meekly, going red. "I'm...Angelina, and...please don't be embarrassed, but I've heard...in fact, most the school has heard I think, and I'm really sorry you have to go through this."

"What the _hell_ is wrong with you people?!" Ken questioned, waving his hands about as he approached Angelina even closer.

"You don't have to pretend, we know, and...we're not bullies, Ken. We want to help you through this difficult time. Here." She gave him the loaf of bread. "It's not much, I know, but I...was worried you might give up or worse before sunday..."

"Sunday? Sunday? What happens then?" He demanded, grabbing Angelina by the collar, dropping the loaf of bread to the ground.

"Oh god, you can't even afford a calendar, can you?" She whispered in horror. "You poor thing. You see, today is friday. It's friday evening. Tomorrow is-"

"I know what sunday is!" He shouted, shaking her violently.

"Well, I've...I've really already said too much, please let me go. Please." She gave a false smile that quickly faded. "I know you must be crazed with hunger, but please sate that with the bread I just gave you."

Slowly, Ken released her collar and backed off, relucant to do so if his actions indicated anything. He stared at her for a moment, then looked away, still bright red from the anger and yelling.

In a whirl of fabric, the girl spun around and ran off quickly, clearly terrified by Ken and his actions.

"Well, that was classy." TK said dryly.

Ken repeated the strangled growl, shot a nasty look at TK, and then huffed off out into the hall. He twisted the doorknob of his own dorm, threw it open, marched it, and slammed it behind him.

"See. I told you it'd be funny." TK said as soon as the door closed. "I think this qualifies as very funny."

"Yeah, until Ken actually hurts someone." Kari commented.

"Actually, that could take the humor of this whole situation to the next level." TK objected.

The door to Ken's dorm was suddenly thrown open. Ken quickly marked back into TK's dorm and fell to his knees before the sea of coins on the floor. He began grabbing them by the handful and noisily replacing them into his back pockets, still quite red.

TK and Kari just stared down at him as he scooped the coins up, fighting the urge to laugh. Ken kept shooting nasty looks up at both of them, seemingly hoping they could keep their mouths shut.

Finally, he had all the coins, and then picked up the loaf of bread. Without a word, he spun on his heel and headed back into his own room, loaded with change and food.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

"_Someone_ threw pennies at me. _Pennies!_" Ken hissed irritably, stomping down the hallway alongside TK and Kari. "Somehow, these morons think I need pennies!"

"Did you pick them up?" TK dared to ask, attempting to walk and act as normal as possible inspite of having an extremely angry companion.

"Shut up!" Ken spat, slapping TK in the back of the head, more for visual effect then for causing pain.

"That means yes." Kari added, looking at Ken as his face went redder.

"Kari, you know that hole? The one you shovel bread into?" Ken asked, suddenly sounding flat, calm, and serious.

"Yeah. My mouth." Kari said slowly, narrowing her eyes.

"_Shut it!_" Ken held out his right hand in a rough claw and clamped it shut suddenly to emphasize his words.

"Are you going to be pissy in the movie?" TK asked. "Because that's really not going to work, so if you could stop being so angry because random people are throwing money at you left and right, that would be great..."

"You don't understand! These people claim to...feel bad for me, have pity for me, and I want to know why!" He stomped his foot angrily.

"Hey, Ken, you doing okay?" Came a voice from behind that was unfamiliar to all of them. They spun around as one in the hall, to come to bear with a female student they recognized, but could not place.

Ken was starring at her, contemplating responses apparently. She was particularly striking in her features, high cheek bones, slim figure, and sleek blonde hair, perhaps putting Ken off his usual violent response. Her right hand was held behind her back firmly, seemingly hiding something.

"...been better." He said, somewhat meekly, especially in comparison to what would have been expected.

"Well, I think it's really brave that...people like you are willing to try and get through college. It must be _terrible_ for you to live in...those conditions, knowing you're so much smarter and better than everyone else." She continued, approaching Ken slowly.

Ken squinted. "Japan isn't _that_ bad, you know..."

She giggled. "You're funny. You can even make jokes about your own grave misfortune. That takes some real mental fortitude."

"Well, at least you have the guts to be racist to someone's face." Ken muttered, throwing a dark look up at her.

She continued on as if she hadn't heard him. "Now, I know you probably live on staples, being...in the situation that you're in. So I thought you could use a change of pace. And I wanted you to know, so I'm doing this a bit early."

Ken bit his lower lip lightly for a moment before speaking. "Could you...pretend I'm retarded for a second? Just, explain this whole thing to me like I just came from mars, landed in this school, and want to understand why people are giving free stuff to someone?"

She laughed again. It rung cruel in Ken's ears, though that was not the intent. "You are funny." With that, she produced a octagonal green box from behind her back. "It's those chocolate fancy things, you'll like them."

Slowly, Ken took the box, half expecting it to explode in a volley of colorful streamers or some other prank. For the moment, it held steady, and she didn't press him to open it at this precise moment, and it felt real enough.

"Hope you like it." She said, looking down at the ground slightly.

Ken glanced around for a moment, debating which direction to move in. Finally, he leaned in close and ran his fingers through his air. "You doing anything tomorrow night?" He asked suavely.

Her face fell instantly, and Ken quickly felt the sting of a vicious slap across his cheek. It was enough to push his unsuspecting frame to the ground and generate a red welt.

"Yeah, staying the hell away from you, pervert!" She spat, her tone instantly switching to one of malice. "Like I would ever even think about being with someone like you! And, by god, you do smell like crap!" With that, she spun on her heel and walked away.

Ken looked up desparately at TK and Kari, then at the back of the girl as she walked away in a huff. He squinted at her backside, trying to find some words to suit the situation. But his large bank of knowledge had nothing.

Slowly, grudgingly, he pushed himself back up. "I swear to GOD I'm gonna go columbine on this place one day!" He said under his breath.

"Now that's a quotation worth a spot in the yearbook." TK said.

"Don't you goddamn dare!" Ken replied, spinning around and beginning a fast walk further down the hall.

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"I'm telling you man, there's some sort of conspiracy going on in there!" Ken insisted as the trio walked down the street. "I mean, that wasn't even the first time that sort of thing happened today!"

"Then why do you keep doing it?" TK wondered out loud.

"Shut up!" Ken spat, almost hopping up and down with rage. "These jackasses act so...inexplicably charitable and kind, but as soon as you try and get close with em, they repel you like the plague!"

"Yeah. Crazy." TK said dismissively. "You want to do the movie, or what?"

"Yeah yeah. I'll do the movie." Ken mumbled. "But this is driving me crazy! I mean, what the hell did I do to deserve this?!" 

Suddenly, a limp body flew out from an alleyway a few steps in front of the group. The man, having been pushed out by some force of impact, appeared to be hurt as he crumpled to the ground.

Before any of them could react, Davis leaped out from the alley with a baseball bat and went postal, beating the man's body repeatedly in the stomach area. TK, Kari, and Ken just watched bemusedly, taking note of Davis's date peering out from the alley.

"You think _you_ have it bad?" TK whispered into Ken's ear, pointed at the man being beaten. "This guy is doing this for a six-pack."

"What the hell is this?" Ken asked, forehead wrinkling. "Why is Davis beating up homeless people? Is this bizarro world or something? Because that'd actually explain alot-"

"I'll explain on the way to the theater." TK said quickly, gingerly stepping around the scene of the beating in front of them, quickly followed by Kari and Ken.

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"I can't do this anymore." Davis whined as the trio walked down the sidewalk slowly. The morning sun had just recently come up, peering over mountains to the east, shining down on the world, revealing a beautiful sunday morning. "I dunno what the hell I was getting into, but I need some sleep! It feels like she wants to go patrolling with me every damn night now, I can't keep this up!"

"And this surprises you why?" TK asked. "Did it not occur to you that staying up all night might lead to a lack of sleep? This isn't exactly human health 101."

"I thought she would just watch once or twice and that'd be it!" Davis insisted. "But she's borderline wanting to help me! There are only so many homeless people I can bribe, you know!"

"Dump her, get on with your life!" Kari said. "This is gonna wind up shaping your entire life. She's sure as hell expecting you to become a policeman or fireman at this point. Anything less is extremely disappointing."

Davis nodded sadly. "I suppose so."

"Kar, where exactly are we going?" TK finally asked, looking behind him down the street.

"Just...this fun place, trust me." She said quickly, stepping up to the front of the group and leading the march.

"You do realize we've just entered the ghetto, right?" TK said, looking up at a green streetsign on a metal pole at the corner of the street. "Is there something fun about being surrounded by a bunch of poor, drunk, and potentially violent minorities?"

"TK!" Kari said exasperatedly. "A Japanese person in America should know better than anyone else to not be a racist!"

"So what? I might be Japanese, but a couple months in this country and I'm whiter than Garth Brooks. People get put in ghettos because they can't make that transition." TK replied simply. "This place better be good."

"Oh...it is. It is." She trailed off.

Several seconds later, the group was at a street intersection, sparsely populated, just a handful of people in the surrounding area.

Without warning, Kari cleared her throat. "My god, these minorities disgust me!" She said loudly, enough for everyone in the area to hear. "Why can't they go back to their country and stop screwing ours up?"

TK and Davis froze on the spot, eyes wide, as they spun around to face Kari. The three people close enough to hear her, three large black men, had done the same, starring down this arrogant, rude college girl, still speaking unnaturally louder.

"I mean, you...you black people, why'd you ever have to come over from Africa? And...and you towelheads, what's with that?" She continued. "Y-you see what I'm saying?"

The crowd began to close in on her from all sides, analysing what she was saying and preparing to react on it.

"Oh no, these dirty minorities are going to hurt me! Who will ever save me?!" Kari said loudly, strangely confident.

"You think she means us?" Davis whispered into TK's ear.

TK just stared at Kari for a couple of seconds before slowing doing a 180 back around. "I don't want to friggin know." He said under his breath.

"C'mon, I'll take the...one on the left, you take one on the right. We'll split the third later." Davis said, dropping into a simple fighting stance and preparing to advance on the group closing in on Kari.

"Yeah...no." TK said nonchalantly, beginning to walk away. "You...you have fun with that, I guess."

"TK?" Kari called out loudly, as she was on the verge of disappearing under a trio of people. "That's the wrong way, you know! TK, over here!" She desparately waved her hands in the air.

"You know, that place down a block actually looks pretty fun." TK said, pointing down the street with his right index finger at a shop on the corner of the next street. "That's what you were talking about I'll bet. I'll let you know how it is." With that, he continued on his way, shaking his head.

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Ken pushed the door to the main hall of the school facility wide open, pressing hard to get the hinges to give, feeling the rush of air as the change in atmosphere hit him as he went from outside to inside.

He was immediately greeted by three long wooden tables set up just a couple of meters before the entrance, covered with nondescript brown paper bags from start to end. On the opposite side of the tables were a couple of elderly people he recognized as high ranking officials in the school. They smiled warmly at him.

His eyes adjusted for longer range, and noticed a rather large collection of people further back in the room, nearly filling the entire back area of the hall. They too were looking at him as if he was some kind of deity. Slowly, warily, he walked towards the tables, swallowing.

"Ken, we've...we've discovered some unsettling things about your personal life, by accident." One of the older men began. "You see, we spotted you going through the dumpster a few days ago for food."

"What?" Ken asked, squinting hard. "No, no, you see-"

"You don't need to be ashamed. Nobody else in your life may care about you, but...but we do. We figured out you must be extremely poor, and you're attempting to get through college anyway. We really do respect that kind of bravery here in this school."

"I really hate to disappoint you, but you see-"

"Ken, please! Say no more!" The elderly man clapped his hand against Ken's back and began pushing him towards the tables even closer. "Ken, the students of this school, and the entire community of the town of Philadelphia, has come forth to express support."

The front doors of the hall blew open hard as TK burst into the hall, breathing heavily, jacket fluttering as he came to a stop.

"Crap, did I miss it?" He asked, trying to catch his breath as he leaned over and clutched his knees.

"Ah, yes." The elderly man smiled knowingly, pointing at TK. "This student was among the kindest of them all, giving most generously to your cause. I'm sure he would want to be here to see this moment."

Ken had no further words for this entire situation. His face fell flat, a dumbfounded expression taking it over, as he stared at TK over his shoulder, then rotating his head back to look at the table. He felt like Admiral Ackbar when the Death Star proved to be functional and blew away one of his ships. He had half a mind to yell "It's a trap!" and get the hell out of there.

"Ken, have a look." The man continued, peering into the bag on the very end of the tables, leading Ken's head over to do the same. "Food. Food as far as the eye can see. Months on months worth of it." He slowly pushed him across the table, full-on realization hitting Ken with this sight. "You'll never dig out of dumpsters again so long as you're a student here! Why, a resourceful person like yourself should be able to make all this last years!"

Ken's mouth opened for a moment, then closed up like a fish out of water. He swallowed hard, faked a smile, and beads of sweat began to dribble down his face. "This is...amazing." He squealed out with effort. "I mean, it really is...but-"

"Oh, I'm sure you're...not too fond of some of the foods in here, but a few individuals have make donations to compensate for any of that." The man interrupted, clearly riding a high from the success of the driver as a whole. He continued to push Ken up the row of tables towards the very end, who was being pushed along listlessly. "Now, I'm sure that smell hasn't made you too popular around campus lately. I can understand, I'm sure you want to save the quarters, but..." he forced a smile and wrinkled his nose, "...we really need you to take...care of that."

Ken glanced down at the floor. "It's...it's a lucky..." he decided to cut himself off this time, realizing how idiotic he'd sound in front of all these people.

The man grabbed a small cardboard box the size of an american bill, a two piece box with a lid and bottom. He held it up before Ken, who stared listlessly at it, as he pulled it open to reveal a stack of dollar bills. His eyes couldn't help but widen at the sight of hundreds on the top.

"Some have made a donation of money...so you have a bit of freedom in regards to all of this. We managed to pull fifteen hundred dollars for you Ken." He gave a large warm smile. "We've all come together for you, Ken. Don't ever let anyone tell you we're biased against foreigners in Philly."

Ken blinked hard at the box of money, biting his lower lip. TK went to lean up against the wall right next and to the left of the front door, crossing his arms over his chest, smiling.

Ken opened his mouth, then closed it right back up. He swept his eyes over the collection of bags across the table, then at the kind and waiting faces of the crowd beyond then.

He swallowed hard, looked down at the floor, and began to sniff a couple of times.

The faculty member leaned over him, looking down at his face. "Ken, are you alright? Ken?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm better than okay." Ken choked out, apparently through tears. "It's just...you guys are so nice to me, no one's ever done anything like this for me before." He looked up, genuine tears flooding his face.

TK shook his head in disbelief, clapping his right hand over his eyes.

He slowly took the box of money, still crying. "N-now I can call my mother and tell her we have some seed money for my sister's operation." He said through tears, smiling slightly now. "If we find an underground doctor we're just a few thousand dollars away."

TK's head hung lower as he tried to hold back laughter that might have made this entire thing cast poorly on him as a person.

"A-a-and maybe now my uncle won't have to donate blood to pay the energy bill anymore!" He almost yelled.

TK was quite sure he was close to shattering some ribs at this.

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"So, you're going to spend the next...almost four years of your life pretending to be homeless?" TK asked Ken loudly from Ken's kitchen stool. Ken was in his bathroom. "You know this whole thing is gonna blow eventually. You have relatives, you know! Someone's gonna find out you don't have a sister!"

"You underestimate me." Ken said silkily, stepping out of the bathroom smoothly wearing a dirty old green sweater, torn jeans, and a green beanie. "I am the _master_ of loose ends."

"You're lucky I don't give a crap." TK said, snickering at Ken's outfit. "If the school finds out, they're gonna lynch you."

"Therein lies the problem. Them finding out." Ken winked. He spread his arms wide, indicating his outfit. "With this getup I'll probably score thousands of dollars before spring break! I could probably quit my job and live off of this!"

"You're cheating honest, hard working people out of money." TK said warningly, looking up at the ceiling.

"Oh, how honest and hard-working do you really think they are? You don't know them, how could you know that?" Ken shrugged the statement off. "Besides, they're the idiots who assumed something...this whole thing fell into my lap, I'll be damned if I'm not taking it."

"You still smell bad." TK said abrasively, grimacing.

"Well, _duh_." Ken said. "I'm poor, remember?"

TK gave an annoyed grunt before slamming his head down softly onto the counter. "How do I make friends with these people?"

A series of loud, angry knocks came at the front door. Casually, Ken walked up to it and pulled the door open calmly, almost meekly.

Kari walked in, wearing a large bandage coupled to a popsicle stick on her nose, flames emitting from her nostrils and wearing a glare that could melt glaciers. She faltered initially, her eyes going up and down Ken's outfit, but she was not to be put off her goal. She pushed past Ken roughly, almost treating him as if a homeless, and glared at TK.

"Hey, jackass, do I happen to look like Goldilocks?" She asked, pointing her accusing right index finger at TK, who didn't appear to be affected at all.

"Whoo, I've had that fantasy." TK quipped, glancing down at the floor below his chair.

"Do I have long, pretty, golden locks of hair?" Kari continued to inquire, hands now on her hips.

"...no." TK finally responded seriously.

"Oh, well, mind explaining why you left me alone with those three _bears _back there?!" She shouted before pointing up at her nose. "They broke my nose, asshole. My nose! What if it doesn't come back right?!" 

"You reap what you sow, girl." TK said in, throwing a bit of sarcastic tang into his voice. "You got what you deserved I dare say."

"Where the hell was Heroic TK?" Kari yelled. "What the hell happened to that?! Huh?!" 

"Well, lemme see." TK put his hand up to his chin. "Three of them. Three of us. Three strong big guys from the ghetto. Three college students from the suburbs. One idiot girl screaming racist crap. That add up?" Suddenly, he shot a glare at Kari. "Were you trying to get Heroic TK to come out? That's it, isn't it?! You tried to lure him out?!" 

"Maybe!" She said, turning away from TK. "Some heroic TK alright. Won't even save his friend!"

"Well, you see, his middle name is 'sensible.' It's not sensible to take on a trio of pissed off guys from the ghetto-"

Kari stomped her foot down hard, cutting him off, then spun on her toe and began walking towards the door.

"Well, he's not batman! He can't appear every time someone needs him! Heroic TK looks out for one person! TK!" TK yelled after her. "Hey, all you got was a broken nose. I wouldn't be surprised if Davis was dead!"

"Are you kidding me?" Kari snorted. "Davis got both his arms broken and twisted his ankle. Now he has a perfect excuse to retire forever from the vigilante business. He gets to keep the girl now! What the hell do I get?" She stepped through the doorframe, grabbing the edge of the door as she did. "Nothing!"

The door slammed hard, leaving Ken and TK to smile and laugh.

"It's like I said, Ken." TK said, nodding superiorly. "Knowingly, unknowingly, I'm a very helpful person."

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Member of the school board spot Ken digging in a dumpster for a term paper that accidentally got thrown out, and misinterpret him to be extremely poor and eating out of dumpsters. They organize a food drive for his benefit. Davis lies to his latest girlfriend about being a vigilante by night, and attempts to keep this lie alive. Kari sees TK dispatch a series of criminals during a dorm break-in and becomes attracted to him again.


End file.
